Frazzle Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 I have a friend/coworker who I've always had feelings for. She was in a relationship before and so I didn't really make a move on. We are neighbors and are pretty close. We talk through the wall and everybody in the office laughs about that. They even joke that we should date, etc. I would say we are pretty good friends. However, I would say I initiated most of the hangouts. When she had a boyfriend, we didn't really hang out one on one other than getting lunch together. We hung out outside of work but it was mostly with other friends/coworkers. I had a sense that maybe she knew I was attracted/liked her. One time, she invited me and another coworker over for dinner at her place. However, when the other coworker canceled, she invited her boyfriend over and made it pretty clear that she didn't want to do anything one on one with me. However, I will say that she was willing to share drinks with me (using the same straw). But I felt like she stopped this practice after I started to flirt with her more. She and her boyfriend broke up and I made my move. I invited her out for her birthday. I said it was just gonna be me and her and that I would treat her. During this hangout, I felt like she was dropping hints that she wasn't interested in dating me. She was saying how her friend made the mistake of dating a coworker in the office and how they had to continue to see each other in the office after they broke up. Also, every time I asked her to hang out alone, our plans would fall through due to one reason or another. I thought maybe she was just finding excuses to duck out. She was comfortable hanging out with me in a group but not alone. I guess I was coming on too strong. I backed off and accepted that she was just going to be a friend and treated her as such. Fast forward to the last month or two when our relationship became even closer and we started texting each other more and more. We've always been close but never really texted each other much outside of work. But we began to have longer text conversations outside of work. She's been out of the office the past 2 weeks due to a work conference. I've checked in with her to see how she was doing. She got back 2 days ago and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I was surprised because she almost never initiates hangouts. Furthermore, she asked me if I wanted to come over "and drink tea and just talk." So I ended up going over to her place yesterday and we had a nice time just drinking tea and chatting for 2-3 hours. We sat on a swing set and it kind of felt like a date. Granted it was a friendly and warm conversation and nothing really flirty. She also did mention that a taxi driver asked for her number and so forth but I felt like something was different in the air. Afterwards, we went out to grab dinner and got back around 10:30 pm, which was pretty late for a Sunday when both of us had work the next day. During dinner, what was interesting was that her food came out first and I had to wait for a long time so she told me to eat half of her dish and that we could share the food. We ended up just sharing both dishes. Does she still think of me as a friend or has something changed? I feel like her asking me to hang out at her place is a good sign that maybe she she's beginning to see me as more than a friend. Please enlighten me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 No way to be certain, of course, but I think she told you on numerous occasions by hints and actions that she's not wanting to be more than friends, so maybe she just assumes you respect that now. You didn't come on too sudden. She's not a frightened doe. She just put a stop to it. I would say your best plan of action is to see if she asks you to do anything again and when she does, ask her, Is this a date or just friends still? If she doesn't, I wouldn't ask her on a date. She's stood you up too many times already. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 It does seem as though she has grown to feel closer to you, but that could still be in the platonic sense. She is either a little more interested, or just has come to trust and appreciate your friendship more than before. If she is feeling interested she will probably show it in a physical manner like flirting or touching. She otherwise might perfectly happy with the current status, she might be confused about her feelings, it's hard to know. It could be this friendship is all she needs right now. I'd say let it be and keep going with the flow. If she is interested she will likely do something when she's ready. If you get confusing signals just ask her about it. Nothing wrong with being honest that you just want clear up where you stand with her and that it's okay no matter what the answer may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Tough ... and you really have to have a certain social skill in the moment to read her energy. I think earlier she was announcing FRIEND ONLY ... But for her to take the initiative to invite you over ... That's a shift. And a shift into territory (you and she alone in datelike atmosphere) that she had steadily avoided before. Here goes nothing: Did you seem to look at you any differently than before? ... Like literally the way she peered/looked at you? Did she smile more? Did she stand closer? People open up about themselves a bit differently when they're interested in romance--did you notice any difference? That dinner-plate-sharing thing sounds like a sign of intimacy to me ... but she could still just be digging on you as a friend. And of course the invite over is a shift. My thinking: hang back and bit and see what she recommends for you guys hanging out ... I think she knows you like her ... so she also knows that she will have to make clear to you that she's interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frazzle Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 Tough ... and you really have to have a certain social skill in the moment to read her energy. I think earlier she was announcing FRIEND ONLY ... But for her to take the initiative to invite you over ... That's a shift. And a shift into territory (you and she alone in datelike atmosphere) that she had steadily avoided before. Here goes nothing: Did you seem to look at you any differently than before? ... Like literally the way she peered/looked at you? Did she smile more? Did she stand closer? People open up about themselves a bit differently when they're interested in romance--did you notice any difference? That dinner-plate-sharing thing sounds like a sign of intimacy to me ... but she could still just be digging on you as a friend. And of course the invite over is a shift. My thinking: hang back and bit and see what she recommends for you guys hanging out ... I think she knows you like her ... so she also knows that she will have to make clear to you that she's interested. The only thing I’m concerned about is that I could be a rebound to her. I don’t think she’s over her ex yet. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, she said he still wanted to to get back together and she was thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 The only thing I’m concerned about is that I could be a rebound to her. I don’t think she’s over her ex yet. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, she said he still wanted to to get back together and she was thinking about it. So no woman tells you that if she's the least bit interested in your romantically! She thinks because she told you that that there's NO WAY you could possible interpret her being friendly as anything other than her being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Therefore you're answer. She is thinking of her ex and has you to lean on in the mean time. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 What I'm seeing here is a platonic friendship and nothing more. If she recently got out of a relationship, she's going to use every bit of support she can get, and you're included in that. The fact she invited you over for tea means she's beginning to trust you as a friend. If she was interested in you, she might have decided to go out somewhere for lunch or dinner or something. I'd go forward just assuming it's a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frazzle Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 So no woman tells you that if she's the least bit interested in your romantically! She thinks because she told you that that there's NO WAY you could possible interpret her being friendly as anything other than her being friendly. Yeah but that was awhile ago. She's actually said she's not gonna get back together with him. What I'm seeing here is a platonic friendship and nothing more. If she recently got out of a relationship, she's going to use every bit of support she can get, and you're included in that. The fact she invited you over for tea means she's beginning to trust you as a friend. If she was interested in you, she might have decided to go out somewhere for lunch or dinner or something. I'd go forward just assuming it's a friendship. Actually, that was the initial plan. She wanted to go get dinner but since that Father's Day dinner thing came up, she just asked me to come over. But eventually, we did go out to get dinner that day...as described in my post. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 You didn't come on too sudden. She's not a frightened doe. She just put a stop to it. I would say your best plan of action is to see if she asks you to do anything again and when she does, ask her, Is this a date or just friends still? If she doesn't, I wouldn't ask her on a date. She's stood you up too many times already. This, especially the bolded. She likes being your friend and enjoys spending time with you, plus it's flattering when someone is quite clearly attracted to you. It doesn't sound like there's anything more going on between you than that. Can you accept only being friends with her, with the knowledge that she's never going to be romantically interested in you? If so, enjoy your friendship with her, but turn a bit more of your focus towards meeting women who will want to date you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frazzle Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 This, especially the bolded. She likes being your friend and enjoys spending time with you, plus it's flattering when someone is quite clearly attracted to you. It doesn't sound like there's anything more going on between you than that. Can you accept only being friends with her, with the knowledge that she's never going to be romantically interested in you? If so, enjoy your friendship with her, but turn a bit more of your focus towards meeting women who will want to date you. Now that I think about it. Are we even friends? I feel like she's using me for company whenever she's bored. Since she knows I like her, she can manipulate me for attention. I'm beginning to question the overall friendship. It hurts me to think that someone thinks they have me wrapped around their finger and can have me at their beck and call. I'm beginning to wonder if she even cares about me as a person or as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 You, my friend, are suffering from paralysis by analysis. Just ask her out on a date already! Dinner and a movie. Don't be so damned coy. Let her know it's a date. Then, either you're dating or you're not. End of dithering. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Yeah but that was awhile ago. She's actually said she's not gonna get back together with him. Actually, that was the initial plan. She wanted to go get dinner but since that Father's Day dinner thing came up, she just asked me to come over. But eventually, we did go out to get dinner that day...as described in my post. Just because she isn't getting back together with him doesn't mean you move up the queue if you aren't on it to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
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