No intimacy

[Lovelybone]

First post on the forum so may be kind of long .

 

My husband & I have been married for almost 3 years & the last year has been so unpromising! I have noticed major issues with intimacy. He does not like physical contact such as kissing me or hugging or cuddling . In public he may hold my hand or he may touch my butt here in there but that’s the only physical touch I get from him. This has been ongoing for the last year & the 8 months we haven’t had sex at all. I have voiced my concerns to him but he feels as if there is nothing wrong . It’s to the point now where I can feel as if I am passive aggressive towards him which pushes him away more. I have stopped paying attention to my physical appearance around the house because why walk around in sexy clothes & her my hair keep makeup done if my husband won’t touch me he has even caught me pleasing myself & still nothing. I am so young & don’t want to be in a marriage where I’m not wanted or desired. I miss feelng desired & feeling sexy.

Am I wrong for wanting to separate for this.

I am now to point now where I have stoppped initiating & stopped asking any type of intimacy.

[Marc878]

You deserve better than this. The only one that can keep you in this is you.

[Happy Lemming]

Could your husband be having any medical issues that would affect his ability to obtain an erection??

 

If he was having issues, would he discuss them with you or would he suffer in silence??

 

I know you stated you were young, but is he on any medications that may have adverse side effects??

[quankanne]

has he always been like this, or is it something that has developed since marriage?

[Mr. Lucky]

This has been ongoing for the last year & the 8 months we haven’t had sex at all.

 

Assuming you're both fairly young and healthy, there could only be a couple of reasons for his complete withdrawal - and none of them are good news to a hetero partner interested in intimacy.

 

Regardless, time to stop being "passive aggressive" and time to start being direct. Have you sat him down and told him the marriage is in real jeopardy due to his sexual non-participation?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lotsgoingon]

First post on the forum so may be kind of long .

 

My husband & I have been married for almost 3 years & the last year has been so unpromising! I have noticed major issues with intimacy. He does not like physical contact such as kissing me or hugging or cuddling . In public he may hold my hand or he may touch my butt here in there but that’s the only physical touch I get from him. This has been ongoing for the last year & the 8 months we haven’t had sex at all. I have voiced my concerns to him but he feels as if there is nothing wrong.

 

Of course, you're not wrong for thinking of separation based on his lack of affection. The fact that this absence of affection and touch has occurred in the first three years of the marriage is extremely unnerving.

 

Random things ... Any chance he's on an antidepressant that has killed his libido? ... As someone else asked, was he like this before you got married?

 

Strange as this sounds, but a buddy of mine was distant from his wife ... and somehow the wife began to wonder if my friend had Aspergers ... Well my friend went for testing ... and he did get diagnosed with mild Aspergers.

 

The old school question would be: any chance that he's gay? And married you to conform and to hide? ... Have you ever felt him being deeply passionate about you and having sex with you?

[oldlion]

I don't know what is wrong with your husband but no normal healthy man is not having sex with a willing wife, especially after only 3 years being married. When I had been married only three years, my wife and I were still in the honeymoon phase where sex was anytime we could find time. And that was often. I've said before that I have never seen a couple get married not to have sex. Your husband either doesn't love you, has a physical or mental problem, or he is getting his sexual needs met in some other way. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and if he can't meet your emotional and sexual needs then you need to leave and find someone who will. If you continue to live the way you are now then any love or emotional feelings you have for him will slowly be strangled and be replaced by resentment. There is someone out there who would feel very blessed to have you in their life. I do wish you well.

[Veronica73]

Like others have said... this isn’t at all normal... or okay. You need to find out what is going on. Is it a medical issue? Is he depressed? These are things that can be dealt with. But there could be other reasons which would be a lot harder to deal with and may be cause to leave. I think you need to find out why he is being this way.

[LuckyM]

My first thought is that you maybe you done or not done something to your appearance or whatever, to get this reaction from him?

 

Did you leave something out? There's too many ifs here, too many possibilities.

[Bufo]

Sure it’s abnormal. Most guys married only three years can’t stand & consecutive days without sex, much less eight months. Medications might be the culprit. Or low testosterone. Or he’s asexual. Or Asperger’s/autism

 

Whatever the cause, he has to get himself to a doctor for testing. If all rests well, then to a sex therapy specialist. Or a psychiatrist. It’s not going to get better all by itself.

 

If you were 50 perimenopausal you might appreciate his lack of interest. It you are a long way from there now. And who knows, you may want kids someday and it’s not going to happen with him in his current state.

[William]

This appears to be yet another of our drive-by one post new members who never returns, something I've noted to be increasing markedly after the site outage.

 

In this case, rather than closing the thread I'll leave it open to general comments on lack of intimacy in relationships. Personal experiences are encouraged. Perhaps we can help someone else who's having similar problems in their relationship. Thanks for your responses!