Giving up on the dream

[mortensorchid]

I have written about this before indirectly, but I have reached a certain point where I have given up on this dream I had. Once.

 

I had wanted to be an actor at some point. See other recent threads. I had auditioned, I was on the board of a theater company in my city and I had worked very hard building sets and doing promotion. It had been nine years, I felt I was being not just taken advantage of / for granted for my generous nature in building the sets, but I was passed over. Everyone said to me I don't have enough experience, I need to get work in order to get experience, etc. Well … I tried at other places and the answers were always the same. And it had been the same for nine years.

 

I don't expect to be a movie star someday, I don't expect to be able to "make my living" as an actor at any point, but … It was getting to a point where people were just taking from me at the theater. I decided to leave the board / company when the straw that broke the camel's back happened - one of the actresses gave me attitude. How she could be so nasty to someone who has given so much is beyond terrible. But it's what it is and that's a separate issue …

 

 

What I wanted was a part from them. And they wouldn't give me one. I tried out, and I was rejected every time. I tried out for other places and got the same results. One of them said to me out loud and to my face "You're too old". This was also the same person that said I don't have a man because I'm too old. And … I have realized in the last few months that … I really am too old to achieve my dreams. I have realized that I really am too old for those things I may have wanted when I was younger. I find it very sad to look at those who are my age or younger who are getting things they want - a relationship, career success, marriage, kids, parts in plays, webseries, movies, etc. - and I just kept trying and getting rejected over and over. I'm not saying I always get thrown over for someone younger or more experienced in any of those categories, but I am always told I am not good enough or it can't happen because of (reason).

 

 

I've been beaten down. I had an experience that a lot of people have had with this - it's just failing left and right. I'm just … Not someone who should have success in life. In that I should resign myself to … Very little. I'm not supposed to have those things because … Why? Because people don't want to play ball as I want them to play ball? Because I am really nothing? How can so many be not interested in me? I have been told to hold my head high and be proud of who I am. I'm not. I have been passed over and now I am still all alone. A friend from my college years said she didn't think I would ever marry or have kids, and I am starting to believe that. I really do not have much to offer others and this tells me. Someone said "you're not trying". I have. I did OLD before I gave it up once and for all for many years. I tried to go to an audition back in the fall and before I made it to the front door, I stopped. What's the point? I'm not good enough, and someone else coming in asked if I was going in and I said "No …" He asked why. I said "I … Can't." And I broke down in tears and he must have though I was crazy.

 

 

But I guess I have to resolve this. I have achieved some things but that's all I am going to. THis is it. Just be happy.

[Happy Lemming]

You had a dream, you tried and you didn't achieve your dream. That's OK, you did try. Not every dream is realized in life and its OK to say, that's enough and be content with the attempt.

 

I've tried various endeavors and no I didn't succeed every time, at least I tried.

 

Give yourself credit for trying. Look at the acting attempt in your rear view mirror and go forward with life.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Once we die, nothing that happened will really matter anyway. Even for those that had children, in less than 7 generations, almost none of their DNA will remain. Comfort yourself with that thought

 

 

My goal in life is just to have as much fun as possible.

[Ruby Slippers]

Once we die, nothing that happened will really matter anyway. Even for those that had children, in less than 7 generations, almost none of their DNA will remain. Comfort yourself with that thought

I certainly do!

 

I'm a dreamer by nature, so I have about a thousand dreams that have not and probably never will come true. But a handful of big, audacious dreams have come true, even outshining the ideal a few times.

 

I think a more attractive option than giving up on old dreams... is dreaming new dreams. Just understand that most dreams/ideals are not realized in a lifetime, but the important thing is the striving.

[somanymistakes]

I'm sorry to hear they've been treating you that way. 'Too old' is ridiculous - there are parts for older people, especially in stage plays! (Musicals are often a little stingier with casting older folks, but even then, there are a few parts designed for older people. Berthe in Pippin, for example.)

 

I'm sorry to say but I think the people you've been dealing with are just jerks. Some theatre groups can be very cliquey and keep the parts only for their own little in-group. If they won't give you even a small supporting role, they are just being mean.

 

(If you're only auditioning for leading roles and young ladies that's a different story but I assume you're not doing that.)

 

Sometimes the only way to get what we want out of life is to take control of our own lives instead of relying on others to play nice with us. One of the reasons I started my own business was because I was tired of being ignored at work just because I was female and (at that time) young and inexperienced. People just wouldn't listen to me, even if I had detailed proof to back up my ideas. So I did it myself.

 

If your local theatre groups won't give you parts, you may have to stage your own plays. You could even look into running children's plays for a school or church, or help to organise a fair with other people who also feel like they've been kept out of the 'fancy' artistic scene. I'll bet you can find people who have talents that would never dare take part in an art show because they don't feel like they fit in with "real" artists.

 

You don't have to, of course. Don't feel pressured to become a crusader if you don't want to be. It's okay to decide that some of your old plans aren't that important anymore, if you want.

 

But otherwise, if you know what you want and other people just won't give it to you, you can build it yourself!

[Zapbasket]

Sorry, I have to call BS on this--and I say that with utmost respect and empathy.

 

First of all, whenever you do ANYTHING in the performing arts, or arts generally, naysayers are inevitably going to rear their ugly heads. You think you're the first actress who has been told she's too old, too this or too that? I've known dancers who were told they had the wrong body type. Musicians (myself included) who were told they were "too late." And you know what? People who go around slapping "too _____" labels on aspiring artists can go suck it. They really, objectively do not matter.

 

Also, have you tried other theater companies other than this ONE company? How many times have you tried? If you kept getting rejected, did you ask for specific feedback on points of acting craft? Acting craft--not how you look, or how old you are, or any of that junk.

 

I could fill your thread with example after example of people who refused to give up and made it despite every possible odd including being, frankly in a couple of cases, ugly as f*ck, but I'll give you one that I hope will inspire you in your own situation. In college I worked at a temp agency, and there was this boisterous man in his late fifties whom all our clients just loved. He had a big personality, tons of charisma and charm, but he also had a huge pot belly and crooked teeth. All his adult life he'd dreamt of being an actor, but he was told in college he didn't have the right looks. So he went into business and ground that out for decades until he said to himself, "There has to be more out there than this." That's when he remembered his old dream of being an actor. Well, he took a golden parachute, went to acting school (Esper), got an agent, and eventually we hardly saw him at the temp agency because he was getting so much work--commercials and in the theater--as an actor. To this day he continues to work and have success (and it's nearly 20 years later).

 

So I have to say you just haven't tried enough. there are a million ways to be successful as an artist; in acting it isn't just about being Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Lawrence. Don't let some age-obsessed dumbazz stop you, or some actress who was rude to you. Broaden your horizons--look beyond this one theater. Hire an acting coach; take some classes. It's precisely BECAUSE you are getting older that you should go after this dream, so you have no regrets later in life. Trust me, I know what I am talking about here.

 

Chin up; don't give up.

[Poutrew]

Why are you listening to and taking seriously a bunch of drama queens? Too many needy personality types that must bring others down to make themselves feel good. And, it doesn't only happen in the dramatic arts.... in the 70's I got my degree in physics, and I proceeded to create a theory that, amongst other things, managed to do the unthinkable - unite relativity and quantum mechanics. But it was too outside the box for most - I was told by Richard Feynman himself it wasn't going to work... a load of total crap. Well, that theory got me noticed by certain powerful figures in DARPA who invited me to give a lecture at a highly classified military base. I can't say too much else, but that theory answered a certain classified problem that no one else had a clue how to solve. It led me down some very scary and exciting paths, I can not talk about here...

 

And Richard Feynman, a veritable GOD in the world of physics, told me I was crazy... I am telling you to ignore the arseholes. If you are good, you will be noticed by the Powers That Be. You will get your chance, and when it comes, run with it. At that point, be like a hungry wolf and don't let go!

[mortensorchid]

There was an audition today at another community theater. I have since left that other theater company after nine years (detailed in another thread). I let the company manager know instead of just vanishing on them, she deserved to hear that. And I made sure to give a dig telling her that I am leaving because of (name) who chewed me out on a Facebook thread. How she could be so rotten to a person who has given so much to one place is beyond terrible all over this #metoo movement and political rants is beyond me. Plus I felt like I was being taken advantage of, I was unhappy with the financial lying they were doing to company members, etc. The rant was the straw that broke the camel's back. But I digress ...

 

Some have approached me saying they want a model for their photography projects, some have said try again. I have said no because ... I don't have any self esteem anymore. I'm not worth it anymore. Nobody wants me. They think they do at first but they find they really want someone else.

[Chris2016]

I'm in the "too old" category too.

 

Also this rings a bell, "I'm just … not someone who should have [not currently finding] success in life."

 

No love life, no family of my own, essentially starting over in my career (was laid off, and starting over).

 

Recently seeing people on Facebook, who were once single, finding love. That sucks! (need to stay off Facebook)

 

But we're here (I'm working!). From the outside looking in, you seem(ed) successful ... board of a theatre company. We can be too hard on ourselves too! Just keep trucking, as some advised.

 

By way the way, how do you tell if an older person is typing? They use 2 spaces after each sentence. I learned that during my job searching and reading up on topics. So I started using single space in my correspondence.