Internet KILLED how relationships and dating work

[basil67]

I don't see how this matters. Are you upset that not every guy you match with thinks you are his first choice? I mean the only reason men do this is because they only get a match one time in 300 swipes.

 

You would try to save time as well if you only got 1 or 2 matches a week... or month.

 

 

 

This is your privilege talking.

 

The suicide rate for men in this situation is extremely high compared to the general population. We are social creatures, and being rejected from the group is psychologically damaging and painful beyond anything you can probably comprehend.

 

Your lack of empathy for people in this situation is sad.

 

Out of curiosity, what is your criteria for deciding whether or not to swipe a woman?

[nospam99]

Out of curiosity, what is your criteria for deciding whether or not to swipe a woman?

 

An interesting question ....

 

I'm not a Tinder user so I don't know for sure. But the sense I get is a 'swipe right' equates to 'I want to meet this person' and if both swipe right on each other they are notified and can start 'negotiating'.

 

On the other hand, I'm on Match (also POF and OKC but my comment is about Match). When I get my 'daily matches', I see all her photos, her age, her location, her main essay, and a mutual match percentage that Match has somehow calculated. If I like her looks AND she is age appropriate AND she is reasonably nearby (hour drive one way) AND her essay makes her sound like me (stable, even-tempered, serious about life and relationships, physically active NOT 'just' for sex) AND her mutual match percentage is 'reasonably high' I click on the link to read her full profile. The main things I'm looking for in her main profile that I don't already know is whether she is an active user of the site instead of one of the many stale profiles AND if I have any deal-breaking characteristics with regard to what she's looking for: age, height, body type (I'm healthy but not a male model or a gym rat). At this point, if she passes all the filters I've described she goes on a list of women to contact 'in the future'. With as long as it takes to establish communication and possible mutual interest, to meet, and to have a few dates to determine if 'we' might be 'a couple', I (so far) always have women on the future contact list. So I wouldn't say that I 'swipe'. Instead I'd say that I 'filter'. She gets notified that I have viewed her profile. And if and when I send her a message, she becomes aware that I am curious enough to want to meet instead of just 'window shopping'.

 

In the context of this thread, for me the Internet (OLD specifically) is a TOOL to filter and meet women.

[SevenCity]

Having been on OLD for two years I can confidently say it has ruined dating although made it easier to meet people.

 

After a while people change and become jaded and create unrealistic demands and rules. My gf and I admit we would have never connected online and are glad we met IRL. Something about OLD is unnatural while at the same time it preys on humans need for instantaneous gratification.

 

People must admit, women have far more choice online than men. That is a fact. Not to say it’s all or mostly good choice, but choice gives you more options and therefore makes you a lot more picky which perhaps is what the OP is observing.

 

OLD artificially inflates this choice for women as men who are of better looks will go out with women lower on the looks scale for sex. This has a three pronged effect: 1) It gives the false impression to women they can get better looking guys than they actually can 2) they are used for sex or as a placeholder and become angry and jaded, 3) guys they would have originally gone out with are now not good looking enough.

 

Men get frustrated because women who are equal in looks will not go out with them as the women have better choices.

 

It’s hard to say if women have it easier but they most certainly have more choice. I think of it like looking for a job. Would you rather go on a hundred interviews and get 100 job offers or go on a hundred interviews only to get one offer?

 

I like being a dude, but I would be open to experiencing this plethora of choice in an alternate universe to see what it’s like.

 

I slept with plenty of women from OLD and have some great cray cray stories I will cherish the rest of my life. However, I’ve found that it is extremely difficult to find a good partner online. It seems to be filled with junk and entitlement.

[pepperbird]

I've been married a long time, so on online dating hasn't been something I've ever used, but I have friends who have used it and found it to not be all that wonderful.

 

 

Both my female ad male friends have said that they think it does a good job of setting up unrealistic expectations. There is a world of difference between meeting online and meeting in person. One friend of mine was giving online dating a try after her divorce, and hated the way her profile picture made her look. She used one of the filters that hides "imperfections", and had the final version of her look to use as her new picture. To be frank it gave a really false impression of what she looked like. This turned out to be a big issue when she actually met the guys she had been chatting with online.

[nospam99]

One friend of mine was giving online dating a try after her divorce, and hated the way her profile picture made her look. She used one of the filters that hides "imperfections", and had the final version of her look to use as her new picture. To be frank it gave a really false impression of what she looked like. This turned out to be a big issue when she actually met the guys she had been chatting with online.

 

I agree that 'faking one's looks' can be a problem with OLD (though only happened to me once and I politely ended the 'meet' with the glaring omission of a request for a date - I think she connected the dots). I observe that some women have one photo and many women have LOTS of photos. Unless the one-photo woman is a knockout, I usually skip her. I assume the many-photo-ladies understand that they are 'fishing' for male interest and further understand that having several photos is going to 'hook more fish'. It would be interesting to hear anecdotes from LS ladies who have used OLD ...

How many photos did you post?

Did you get as many 'bites' as you wanted?

If you didn't get 'enough' interest did you post more photos?

Did you include both 'head' and 'full body' shots?

 

I assume that I'm a typical guy in terms of what I'm looking for:

- enough views of her face to be able to recognize her and get a feel for how well she is aging (my target age demographic is 55-67 and there is a HUGE variation in how well PEOPLE in that age range have aged)

- whether her body is appealing to me

[lana-banana]

The "social media/Internet/technology ruined dating!" argument implies courtship was a static process, like something enshrined in the Bible. It isn't. Telephones, horse-drawn carriages, decriminalization of homosexuality, female literacy---as society changes, so do the means by which people meet and form bonds. Yes, things have changed since our parents grew up, but things had changed from when their parents grew up, and so on.

 

Is dating today objectively better than it was generations ago? I don't know. I am inclined to think the increased freedom of choice and expression is inherently good. Also, the safety factor is markedly different from even a few decades ago, and I find that wonderful. Thanks to smartphones you can let your friends know where you are, who you're with, and exactly which number to call if you haven't replied by 1 AM. That's not a small thing.

[Adiron]

I agree that 'faking one's looks' can be a problem with OLD

 

It's so easy to work around this problem.

 

1- Don't spend a lot of time back and forth with messages and phone calls- get that first meetup arranged within a few days, 1 week maximum of first contact. If they stall, it's a red flag that they have something to hide- whether it's their photos or a spouse but either way it's good strategy.

 

2- No first dates! Plan a quick meetup at a local diner, coffee shop or bar. That way if it's a bust like most first dates are- either due to deception or no chemistry you can get out of there fast. You can always extend.

 

3- Ask for more recent pictures during those initial chats. Sure they can always continue to deceive but they'd have to actively go to the trouble.

 

4- Video chat with them using any number of freely available software programs including Skype. Webcams are built into most laptops and most smart phones have the app, and you can buy a webcam for under a few bucks and it's all plug and play, a child can do it.

[warp123]

3. OP I find it strange that you are able to have sex so easily but you have a tough time getting a woman you are into to see you again. [Most guys who write these threads have a very difficult time getting a second date.] Women are the ones who tend to bond after sex so if you are able to inspire enough attraction to sleep with her then you have an "in [pun partially intended].

 

The story of my dating life divides in 4 kinds:

 

- They "early sex" dates. These are easy to spot and normally dont bother if its just casual. Ill be just one more for them. Maybe we meet again for the sole purpose of sex. Obviously a big NO for relationship.

 

- We meet often but kinda know we are not each others kind, but we dont mind because we enjoy each others company, normally all times we meet will include sex, we keep meeting until one of the two gets bored.

 

- We meet often without saying anything about whats going on between us, they end up asking and to their disappointment, i havent developed feelings for them.

 

- I put effort on someone i really like and im not reciprocated. I think i have never slowly developed feelings for a woman. I either feel the crush 100% or i dont.

[d0nnivain]

- They have sex too soon, which is a NO in my filter for relationship material. These are easy to spot and normally dont bother if its just casual. Ill be just one more for them. Maybe we meet again for the sole purpose of sex.

 

What a crock. You had sex early too. Double standard much?

[warp123]

What a crock. You had sex early too. Double standard much?

 

I see what you mean, i cannot explain well because english isnt my first language. Normally with these you already know, so dont look at them as a date that could turn serious. Its something that comes before the sex, not after.

[hotpotato]

I think dishonesty and lack of courtship killed dating.

 

Many women want a man to get to know them. In all my years of using dating sites, they seemed more like casual sex sites. Having to sort through 100 guys to find one guy who'll try to get to know you gets old.

 

Also, no one can make or force someone to love them or want them. I certainly never got to choose a bf simply bc I wanted him to be my bf.

[somanymistakes]

Thank goodness for the internet, so people who actually have interests and personalities and want something more than a warm body out of a relationship have a chance to find a good match for them.

[ElKay]

I have been using dating apps and it's definitely not easy for girls either. Lots of creeps on there and guys that are pushy to sleep with you. I met a seemingly nice guy on there and after a month of awesome dates, he asked me to be his girlfriend... We dated for 3 more months but he basically lost interest once things seemed to turn serious or maybe he just wanted to sleep with me and leave? Either way, it was annoying since I would have rather just not been official then to not be embarassed that way (friends found out when we were official).

 

I feel like the internet helped me be able to reach out to shyer people that I wouldn't have met otherwise because I wouldn't go to bars to find them, neither I nor they would have been there anyway! And even knowing that I had lots of guys reach out to me while I was on the app, when I was in a relationship, I was ready to do anything to make the relationship work. The guy ended up giving up on us.

 

So, you can't really blame the internet. Did it make it easier? Yeah. But at the end of it all, anyone that's committed will always be committed, with technology or without. And the jerk that I dated would have given up the same even if he only had colleagues to sleep with.