TheRainbow Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I'm moving back to my hometown. Our oldest daughter is going into grade 5 which will be middle school. She has always went to a Montessori school. She did 2 years of preschool, then K through 4. This upcoming year she told me that she wants to attend a normal school. I have always noticed from a young age she had learned better more hands on. What are your thoughts on this? Is it harmful to atleast try? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 you should send her to the best school you possibly can Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 She's on the cusp of peer integration where stability and constancy of friendships and social interaction melds into the educational process. I noticed, being the only kid on the block who went to private school that, after age 9-10 or so, block friends drifted off because they all went to public school and hung out with their friends from those schools and formed social alliances. OTOH, none of the kids I went to school with lived nearby so I or they had to go some distance to socialize outside of school. That also leaves out the class differences, meaning socio-economics, where at that time private school was more an avenue for the well-to-do with a smattering of other students like myself thrown in by parents who struggled to afford the extra expense. Strictly from the educational standpoint, happy to have gotten 12 years of college-prep private education. From the social standpoint, mixed bag. Society today is far different than back in the 60's and 70's. Neighborhoods are different. Schools are different. However, I'd still consider all aspects when making the choice. Looking back, school was a lot more than books and studying and learning subjects. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 My husband doesn't think this decision should be left to a ten-year-old. He says back when we had her join a montessori preschool it was the best, and consistency is best. Even with seperating, we have more than enough money to send her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 How are the public schools in your hometown? School districts vary widely. Some are excellent for curriculum, discipline, teacher-student ratios and testing results, others not. Perhaps do some networking with other parents in the prospective school district to see what's up. Compare with those who send their children to private/religious/Montessori schools. What is the best school for her? That's very individual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Thanks everyone. This evening at my urging my husband, daughter and I sat down and discussed it. Or it wasn't really a discussion because my husband was already set on what was going to happen. We listened to her reasons: wants to experience a more traditional setting like her cousin, wants to be like everyone else. We told her we'd discuss it. Not even a minute after she left the room, my husband said she's going to a Montessori school. He asked me if I was against it. I told him, that I just wanted to hear what her thoughts were. He basically said she is too young to make an important decision about her education. That this method of education is what is best for her. He said that our impending separation is probably what is triggering this change. She was fine, and always happy about her school before then. Education is very important to him, so even if I wanted to give her a choice, I'd likely not win this argument. He is definitely the more strict parent. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 (edited) How does your husband know that this is the best kind of education for her? I work in education, just because it is a "Montessori" school doesn't mean that it is a good school. In fact, I would say that the Montessori preschools in my area are worse than the traditional preschools. It sounds to me like your husband has lost control of other aspects of his life, and he is trying to reestablish his position within your family by demanding that your child attend a school that she does not want to attend. In a sense, he is swinging from one extreme to another. I don't think this will work well for him. I think it will build resentment in your daughter. Sure, there are some decisions that children don't get to make because they don't have the wisdom that heir parents have in life... But, I would urge you to reconsider, especially given that her life has turned upside down in so many other ways... Just my two cents, for what it's worth... Edited June 22, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 How does your husband know that this is the best kind of education for her? I work in education, just because it is a "Montessori" school doesn't mean that it is a good school. In fact, I would say that the Montessori preschools in my area are worse than the traditional preschools. It sounds to me like your husband has lost control of other aspects of his life, and he is trying to reestablish his position within your family by demanding that your child attend a school that she does not want to attend. In a sense, he is swinging from one extreme to another. I don't think this will work well for him. I think it will build resentment in your daughter. Sure, there are some decisions that children don't get to make because they don't have the wisdom that heir parents have in life... But, I would urge you to reconsider, especially given that her life has turned upside down in so many other ways... Just my two cents, for what it's worth... Up until we told her we were separating, she loved the school she attended. But back when we both first made the decision between a private school and a Montessori school we did a lot of research. My daughter is super smart, but has ADHD, explores better through experiences, hands-on learning. We both agreed that it was the best path for her As for private schooling, my husband had always attended a private school and I had attended a public school. Education was never a super important thing growing up. So I naturally let him take the reigns early on. So his reasoning for putting his foot down is that we both know this type of learning works, and there is no reason in his "words" to experiment because she (a ten-year-old) wants too. My husband all ready paid to register. So we might have to discuss other options in case we don't get her in. I know him and a public school for sure will be a no go. Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Personally, my daughter has always went to a private school. It has a better curriculum, smaller classrooms, more activities to choose from, my daughter loves it and you can see how much she is progressing. If she told me that she wanted to change schools just so she can "be like others" I probably wouldn't allow it. I mean, the public schools in our area are really good, but still they're not as good as where she's currently going. I have done a bunch of research prior to sending her there and it has proven to be exactly what I thought - an overall best educational setting for her. Therefore - it all comes down to what you know as a parent. How has your experience with the current school been? How has your daughter managed? Do you see progress in her? And then maybe try and explore the public schools in your new district? Setting up a meeting with the principle and going on a tour couldn't take up more than a day or two of your time and you could make a more informed decision. Do the research, put the pros and cons on a paper and make a decision. You're the parent, do what your truly know to be best for her. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 having gone to the #5 private high school in the country I can tell you that I am a much better person because of it, and i'm sure that most of my classmates would say the same Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 having gone to the #5 private high school in the country I can tell you that I am a much better person because of it, and i'm sure that most of my classmates would say the same Interesting. I sent my kids to public school because it would make them better people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Interesting. I sent my kids to public school because it would make them better people. Well, to be honest, our experience with the private school system has not been the stereotypical "snotty kids and their stuck up rich parents" experience. The parents and the kids are all really down to earth, pleasant people, the school teaches and encourages critical thinking for the kids, it's very progressive, and it also has many activities and programes designed to sensitize and introduce kids to socially vulnerable groups. They also collaborate with many institutions where kids can volunteer and they encourage it. I notice that the kids are really empathetic and there's also almost no bullying or teasing. I mean, this is just our school (also one of the top private schools in our state), maybe there are some private schools that have kids who think they're better than everyone else because their families have money and I know that I would never send my kids to one of those. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 And, I was just talking about the Montessori philosophy. I work with children who have disabilities and the child led philosophy is not often good for some children. Many of my children do nothing in these schools because the activities are not appropriate, there is not enough structure, and the children are content not to challenge or create their own learning opportunities. But, I defer to your knowledge of your child and your school OP. Just food for thought as you are moving. Perhaps, your husband should consider your daughters wishes and explore the options for schools before he puts his foot down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Well, to be honest, our experience with the private school system has not been the stereotypical "snotty kids and their stuck up rich parents" experience. The parents and the kids are all really down to earth, pleasant people, the school teaches and encourages critical thinking for the kids, it's very progressive, and it also has many activities and programes designed to sensitize and introduce kids to socially vulnerable groups. They also collaborate with many institutions where kids can volunteer and they encourage it. I notice that the kids are really empathetic and there's also almost no bullying or teasing. I mean, this is just our school (also one of the top private schools in our state), maybe there are some private schools that have kids who think they're better than everyone else because their families have money and I know that I would never send my kids to one of those. Mine didn't require sensitising or introduction to socially vulnerable groups because those same kids were part of their cohort. Just as there were kids from the top 10% of income earning families and everything in between. And a fair share of kids with disabilities and behavioural issues. What I wanted was diversity. Both genders, all income brackets, all learning levels. All day, every day. Total immersion. The diversity of the school cohort reflected my two kids - one disabled and one high achiever. For my daughter (the high achiever) I deliberately chose public because it did not have a high degree of support by teachers. Rather, I wanted her to learn independently and be able to hit the ground running at Uni. One of her classes didn't have a properly qualified teacher for most of year 11 and 12, so she taught herself the curriculum. She says about public school "It taught me to make the best of what I have". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 i wrote and rewrote my response several times. but you did a good job of editing, it is all right there: especially "I have always noticed from a young age she had learned better more hands on." --- OP re-read your posts from the pov of an outsider and tell me where H is wrong. a/k/a if you daughter asked to drive your car would you give her the keys? OR as my parents would say 'if your friends all jumped off the bridge would you'? is this really about your daughter's education or more (a start) of a power struggle between you and him. hint: you said it was VERY important to him not you. i suspect as your daughter finds her 'voice' this will resolve itself. Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Mine didn't require sensitising or introduction to socially vulnerable groups because those same kids were part of their cohort. Just as there were kids from the top 10% of income earning families and everything in between. And a fair share of kids with disabilities and behavioural issues. What I wanted was diversity. Both genders, all income brackets, all learning levels. All day, every day. Total immersion. The diversity of the school cohort reflected my two kids - one disabled and one high achiever. For my daughter (the high achiever) I deliberately chose public because it did not have a high degree of support by teachers. Rather, I wanted her to learn independently and be able to hit the ground running at Uni. One of her classes didn't have a properly qualified teacher for most of year 11 and 12, so she taught herself the curriculum. She says about public school "It taught me to make the best of what I have". That's great but I'm guessing then that your not based in the US? If my daughter went to public school in our district, she would not be exposed to much diversity. She would have kids from our area who are well-off kids, just as she has in her private school. That's the thing about american education - it's still very much segregated in my belief. You live in a good area, you'll go to a good school with other kids of similar socio-economic backgrounds, you live in a poor area, you're screwed. I mean, therefore I simply see more benefit in sending my daughter, who's a high-achiever also, to a school that would challenge her and help her reach her max. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 Perhaps, your husband should consider your daughters wishes and explore the options for schools before he puts his foot down. The reality is, the apartment I'm moving into is in a lower income enviroment which all ready has him worried. The public school in this district isn't that great. Poor funding. The closest private school is 20 miles away and the school he wants her attend which has the Montessori Philosophy is about the same distance. This sparked an argument that resulted in the first time in a long time that he actually offended me. I asked him why he doesn't want to atleast consider her feelings in the matter. He told me that public school is inferior and will always be inferior. He said you want to move to a poor area, fine, but no daughter of his will attend a public school. If there was more options of Montessori Schools, then giving her an option would be a possibility. So I asked him if he thought I was stupid. I attended public school and was a drop out when we met. He said no but that we weren't talking about me. I told him to **** off. But after a few hours for both of us to cool off, I did apologize to him. That I supported his view and that we won't discuss this anymore. That I agreed that stability was important. I do thank everyone for their advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 We ended up enrolling her in the Montessori Middle School. She isn't happy, but in the end it was the best decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 The topic got brought up again. My daughter neighborhood friends, cousins all attend private/public school and now she wants too. I got into an argument with my husband (not in front of my daughter) about what we should do. He shut me down telling me he wasn't discussing it. I feel very angry. I have been distance from him since Monday night when the argument took place. I don't want to say anything I'll regret especially when we are reconciling after separating back in July. I really want to address this with him. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Yep, I get your daughter's side, peer integration and separation from parents is beginning for her and she wants to be with her social group, apparently not at the Montessori school. Getting out of one's comfort zone can be a good early life lesson but there are boundaries to that. You'll likely see it in her grades and test scores if things go sideways. I got a lot of reinforcement at home with additional studies/challenges/support for interests that balanced out the social issues. However, boys and girls are very different in how social integration goes and what they respond to. My most positive memory from when your daughter's age was of a unified parental front, both on who was in charge (parents are) and that both were decisive about and supportive of the family decision. My input was considered and my parents went out of their way to put me together with older students who shared my interests, mostly in science, outside of school. Some of those older, mostly college, students, went on to become friends in life. Best wishes in your choices. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Private schools with smaller groups Being only with kids that highly perform Only being surrounded by one type of people ...isn't what will prepare you for society. A lot of the kids going to private schools find it extremely hard adapting to college and University. Suddenly they're in the real world, with people of all colors and all walks of life, they're not being taken by the hand, they don't have the teachers attention, they're in a busy class with 60+ other individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 The topic got brought up again. My daughter neighborhood friends, cousins all attend private/public school and now she wants too. I got into an argument with my husband (not in front of my daughter) about what we should do. He shut me down telling me he wasn't discussing it. I feel very angry. I have been distance from him since Monday night when the argument took place. I don't want to say anything I'll regret especially when we are reconciling after separating back in July. I really want to address this with him. How is your husband reconciling if he doesn’t treat you like an equal partner? Has he always been like this for the important decisions? Or does he think you can’t be part of making your daughter’s school choice decision because you’re not as educated? Then how is he different from others who think you are stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 How is your husband reconciling if he doesn’t treat you like an equal partner? Has he always been like this for the important decisions? Or does he think you can’t be part of making your daughter’s school choice decision because you’re not as educated? Then how is he different from others who think you are stupid? I think Montessori is great and a really good fit for how my daughter learns which is hands-on, and through exploration, so that isn't the problem, more so then our daughter is resiting and he won't communicate on what we should do about it. I just want to be able to have a discussion about it without him shutting me out and without me getting angry and storming off. But you do make a good point. I don't know what his thoughts are because he won't sit down on this topic with an open mind and express them. So it does make me feel like he sees me as inferior, which if is true, wouldn't make him any different then those who view me as stupid. But at the same time, he has been incredibly supportive of me through the years. When I was working to getting my grade twelve, there were times I wanted to give up and he was there to encourage me because it was a struggle. I always thought we had good communication, but maybe it isn't as strong as I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 A lot of the kids going to private schools find it extremely hard adapting to college and University. Suddenly they're in the real world, with people of all colors and all walks of life, they're not being taken by the hand, they don't have the teachers attention, they're in a busy class with 60+ other individuals. I really don't think attending University is for everyone. and even my husband agrees. But he does say while they are under the age of eighteen and living under his roof, he'll make sure he can provide them with the best start in life. Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Private schools with smaller groups Being only with kids that highly perform Only being surrounded by one type of people ...isn't what will prepare you for society. A lot of the kids going to private schools find it extremely hard adapting to college and University. Suddenly they're in the real world, with people of all colors and all walks of life, they're not being taken by the hand, they don't have the teachers attention, they're in a busy class with 60+ other individuals. I don't know about this, I believe the latest statistics are that private school students are twice as likely to obtain a bachelor's degree than their public school counterparts. I went to a private school and I can probably count the number of kids in my graduating class who don't have a college degree on one hand. The Rainbow - have you and your husband sat down with your daughter to talk to her about all this? Link to post Share on other sites
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