How do I make it easier to move on?

[kitkat2550]

Good evening all!

 

I just came across the site last night and I'm glad I did.

 

I have been in a relationship with a female partner and everything was fine in the beginning. It started out as friendship but we both weren't looking for anything serious...It ended up becoming a relationship and we have been together a year and a half. I recently ended things the day after my birthday but am still currently living with her.

 

A little back story:

 

About 11 months into my relationship with her I started forming a flirtation with my boss. At first it was sexual jokes and comments, then photos, then eventually a physical relationship. He would call me on the way to work, then on the way home. This went on for 7 months.

 

Fast forward to a couple days ago and he ended things. He told me he was losing his mind, depressed, and had a big blow out with his wife the night before. He then broke the news they were going to start counseling and ended things with me.

 

I had planned on ending things as well since I was tired of hiding and being paranoid. As much as I liked the attention, the thought of losing my job is what ultimately made the decision. I now have to work with him and see him everyday. Thankfully my job allows me to work from home and/or be out of the office whenever I feel like it so that's made things easier.

 

I guess my question is, how do you make it easier? I feel like I've done a good job at turning all feelings off, but it really hit me when I no longer got my daily phone calls. I understand I was being used, he didn't really care about me, the works, but it's still hard to deal with it when you're working closely with the person.

 

I truly feel terrible, and wish I would have ended things sooner, and now that it's done I have relief. However I honestly just feel sick. I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but like other threads I've read, I just more or less want to get it out there.

 

Thanks for listening.

[MidnightBlue1980]

 

I guess my question is, how do you make it easier? I feel like I've done a good job at turning all feelings off, but it really hit me when I no longer got my daily phone calls. I understand I was being used, he didn't really care about me, the works, but it's still hard to deal with it when you're working closely with the person.

 

I truly feel terrible, and wish I would have ended things sooner, and now that it's done I have relief. However I honestly just feel sick. I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but like other threads I've read, I just more or less want to get it out there.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Well, it's the same old advice you're read here, time and no contact. You probably will need to leave your job, sorry. In a typical affair the MM typically returns. Given your situation, I would think the odds are a lot higher.

[somanymistakes]

Find something else to take up your time and try to avoid him.

 

Play videogames or something, something that can suck you in and keep you from restlessly waiting for his attention.

[DKT3]

Good evening all!

 

I just came across the site last night and I'm glad I did.

 

I have been in a relationship with a female partner and everything was fine in the beginning. It started out as friendship but we both weren't looking for anything serious...It ended up becoming a relationship and we have been together a year and a half. I recently ended things the day after my birthday but am still currently living with her.

 

A little back story:

 

About 11 months into my relationship with her I started forming a flirtation with my boss. At first it was sexual jokes and comments, then photos, then eventually a physical relationship. He would call me on the way to work, then on the way home. This went on for 7 months.

 

Fast forward to a couple days ago and he ended things. He told me he was losing his mind, depressed, and had a big blow out with his wife the night before. He then broke the news they were going to start counseling and ended things with me.

 

I had planned on ending things as well since I was tired of hiding and being paranoid. As much as I liked the attention, the thought of losing my job is what ultimately made the decision. I now have to work with him and see him everyday. Thankfully my job allows me to work from home and/or be out of the office whenever I feel like it so that's made things easier.

 

I guess my question is, how do you make it easier? I feel like I've done a good job at turning all feelings off, but it really hit me when I no longer got my daily phone calls. I understand I was being used, he didn't really care about me, the works, but it's still hard to deal with it when you're working closely with the person.

 

I truly feel terrible, and wish I would have ended things sooner, and now that it's done I have relief. However I honestly just feel sick. I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but like other threads I've read, I just more or less want to get it out there.

 

Thanks for listening.

Very few people are sociopaths, so I'm betting he does care about you.

 

To get out of a ring of fire you have to walk through it, and it will hurt.

 

The thing is, just ending this affair won't make everything magically better. It's a start, but there is so much more.

[FoundMyStrength]

I guess my question is, how do you make it easier? I feel like I've done a good job at turning all feelings off, but it really hit me when I no longer got my daily phone calls. I understand I was being used, he didn't really care about me, the works, but it's still hard to deal with it when you're working closely with the person.

 

 

What I found helpful was to get counseling so that I'd have a place to talk about my feelings without judgment. The counselor I saw allowed me to process my guilt (and loss) without making me feel even more guilty.

 

 

I also reconnected with family and friends. I realized that one of the things that got me into this mess was feeling lonely, isolated, and stuck in my life.

 

 

 

You may also find that leaving your job and moving on to another job may help too. That may not be possible for you right now, but I'd consider it in the long term. It will continue to be hard working for him.