new marriage and declining sex life

[1Kangaroo]

Married late in life both for my wife and I.

Stresses can put a hold on your married sex life, work stress, finances, sometimes family stress but we have no kids, weight gain.

 

It seems she doesn't have any fantasies ! I'm going to have to gently prod her on that.

I'm bored & also hate being in the teacher roll. I feel I'm more liberated sexually and could handle a swinging lifestyle. I'd be ok with her having other men but I would have to have other women. I do lust after other beautiful women but never act on it, I would really enjoy the variety of it.

 

When we married I believed I was manogamous but through these tribulations I've been watching ted talks on marriage subjects learning and thinking. I've come to realize I enjoy an open relationship for both my wife and myself were we are inter-dependant but have our own sexual excitements together.

 

I get wired up when seeing many good looking and normal beautiful women out there I result in porn as an emergency measure of release.

 

I could not live with the guilt of cheating so I will not engage in that.

 

I feel that the relationship needs sparking up in order to create some excitement and to increase the bond we have.

 

For me as a man and I will assume every man out there that when the sex in a relationship disappears the wife is transforming to a mother role. The relationship is really not too different sadly ! In order to feel love as a man I need the physical connection and excitement.

 

I never understood the quote ''marriage is work'' until now.

 

My wife is a great person, wife, I look up to her and don't want to be married to anyone but her but our sex life needs a tune up.

 

When I think of the years left I think there is alot of adventures we need to fulfill.

 

This may seem messed up or complex.

 

Your comments welcome ! Glad I found this site !

Edited June 22, 2018 by 1Kangaroo

[BaileyB]

If you "have to have" other women, then you should not have gotten married.

 

You may be open to an open relationship, but is your wife open to and open relationship? And, isn't this the kind of thing you should discuss, before you get married?

 

If you are in a new marriage and your sex life is declining, then something is wrong. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase of a marriage. Marriage, shouldn't be that much work.

 

Are you sure you are sexually compatable with your wife? There is "sparking up" the relationship by trying some new positions or being a little more spontaneous... and then there is sparking up the relationship by having sex with other women. I doubt that your wife was interested in fullfilling your wildest sexual fantasies when she got married, late in life. If I was your wife, I would be very unimpressed with the whole situation... which is probably why, the sex is declining.

 

Good luck having that conversation with your new wife. Let us know how it goes...

Edited June 22, 2018 by BaileyB

[Mr. Lucky]

I could not live with the guilt of cheating

 

And yet, by selling your wife a bill of goods, you already have.

 

I'd guess you stood on the altar and spoke of forsaking all others, for better or worse, til death do you part. And she probably believed you.

 

Nothing wrong with what you want - other than it's not what you promised you'd do. So it's time to at least offer her honesty about your feelings and intentions. As BaileyB said, going to be a very interesting conversation.

 

Let us know how it goes...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

It's so bizarre to read stuff like this. What did you guys do BEFORE you got married? If you're into the whole swinging thing, shouldn't that be something that, again, you bring up BEFORE you get married???

[somanymistakes]

You guys really should have talked about your sexual preferences before tying the knot.

 

Yes, some long-married couples do open up to a swinging situation late in life because they've gotten bored of having just each other for twenty years. But marrying someone late in life who DOESN'T seem to have had a high sex drive to begin with? The chances of her being up for swinging sound low to me, and it would be horribly unfair of you to try and force her into it just so you could use her as your pass into the lifestyle.

 

Also, it's generally not a good idea to try to speak for all men or all women or assume that all relationships are exactly the same.

[Thegameoflife]

Typically, it's a bad idea to complicate a dysfunctional relationship with outside sex partners.

[anika99]

So you just recently married this woman and now you have decided that she is boring in bed and you want to be free to pursue sex outside of marriage? Not sure why you got married to her, seems like you sort of tricked her into thinking you accepted her as she is but now that you've tied the knot now you want to pull the rug out from under her.

 

Lots of older women have declining sex drives and sometimes sex even becomes painful. Talk to your wife about any possible discomfort she may be having and encourage her to see a doctor for help if necessary. It's fine to want to spice up your married sex life so by all means do communicate your desire for your wife but stay away from the open marriage stuff. If your wife is already struggling with having sex and feeling badly about it you will only hurt her and push her further away by making such a suggestion. By the sounds of it your wife doesn't share your fantasies of having sex with a variety of people so why on earth would she want an open marriage? What you're really asking is for her to allow you to openly cheat on her.

 

Perhaps you should just be honest with your wife and tell her you made a mistake in getting married at all. That you are not the person you pretended to be before marriage and that you think it would be best to divorce.

[TheRainbow]

This is the first step for you to cheating your wife.