How to work through a list of problems when you don't want the relationship.

[Sleepy3456]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years, we have a one year old daughter (do the maths) so I want this to work for her sake.

 

I have been very unhappy and have a list of problems that I don't think I can live with in the relationship. They are my fault and hers, but I think she doesn't want to change and I cannot motivate myself to work on these problems.

 

Has anyone been in this position? What could help?

[Arieswoman]

Sleepy3456,

If you truly don't think you can live with these problems then you need to stop wasting each other's time and leave the relationship.

 

 

You can still co-parent this child even if you don't live together.

 

 

It is better for your child to come from a "broken home" than live in one.

[Mr. Lucky]

I cannot motivate myself to work on these problems.

 

we have a one year old daughter (do the maths) so I want this to work for her sake.

 

I'm trying to understand how both of these things can be true?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sleepy3456]

Thanks to both replies

 

Mr Lucky

If you don't know how it can be hard to motivate yourself to do hard work to achieve a long term goal the name suits you.

[Mr. Lucky]

Mr Lucky

If you don't know how it can be hard to motivate yourself to do hard work to achieve a long term goal the name suits you.

 

Sleepy3456, lots of things in life are hard, including working on a struggling marriage. I find motivation in my family and the life I want to provide for them.

 

If that motivation eludes you, perhaps we're both aptly named...

 

Mr. Lucky

[somanymistakes]

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years, we have a one year old daughter (do the maths) so I want this to work for her sake.

 

I have been very unhappy and have a list of problems that I don't think I can live with in the relationship. They are my fault and hers, but I think she doesn't want to change and I cannot motivate myself to work on these problems.

 

Has anyone been in this position? What could help?

 

You "think" she doesn't want to change? Have you even talked to her?

[BaileyB]

The title of your discussion says it all...

 

Why would you work through all your problems if you don't want the relationship? Isn't that just a recipe for unhappiness and failure?

 

I understand, you have a child... but, isn't it better for the child to have two happy, healthy homes than one unhappy, dysfunctional home? It's quite possible to coparent, from two different residences...

[Sleepy3456]

Sorry for late reply

 

You "think" she doesn't want to change? Have you even talked to her?

 

Yes, she either says that she has changed, can't change, or that I shouldn't want her to change.

 

She says it's unfair as she doesn't ask me to change, I have told her I would prefer if she did to save me guessing what she wants.