2muchl8 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I have fallen hard for a married woman. She feels her feelings for me (female) are stronger than her feelings for her husband. She will never admit that to many people due to her upbringing. I feel terribly guilty about this. My rational side says let her go. She needs to fix whatever is happening in her marriage. She claims all her loyalty is with me, but at the end of the day it is not me she goes home to and shares holidays with. I deserve more. She is not ready to give up her perfect image for me. She doesn't want me to see anyone else. She claims she is no longer intimate with her husband. I want to do the right thing. I feel like I need space and freedom to work on myself. When I am in a relationship I seem to stop focusing on my well being and focus on my partner. So, we broke up and I have stopped answering her calls and texts. The problem is she leaves messages asking me how she needs someone to talk to and asking how I can block her and not be there for her. I am very confused and conflicted because I broke up for space yet she wants my support for the breakup. All the dependency on me is taking a toll. Am I being mean or insensitive by not being available to her after a breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 She was being selfish during the affair and she's being selfish now. You are not being insensitive. During your affair, she enjoyed getting attention from both you and her husband while avoiding doing anything that would be difficult for her, like actually confronting the problems in her marriage or going through the awkwardness of a divorce. Now you've broken up but she still wants you to do what's convenient for HER - give her love and attention and support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2muchl8 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 She was being selfish during the affair and she's being selfish now. You are not being insensitive. During your affair, she enjoyed getting attention from both you and her husband while avoiding doing anything that would be difficult for her, like actually confronting the problems in her marriage or going through the awkwardness of a divorce. Now you've broken up but she still wants you to do what's convenient for HER - give her love and attention and support. That makes so much sense to me now. I really need to work on paying more attention to myself. It is a challenge, but I must do it. I've been trying to keep her comfortable for too long. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I have fallen hard for a married woman. She feels her feelings for me (female) are stronger than her feelings for her husband. She will never admit that to many people due to her upbringing. I feel terribly guilty about this. My rational side says let her go. She needs to fix whatever is happening in her marriage. She claims all her loyalty is with me, but at the end of the day it is not me she goes home to and shares holidays with. I deserve more. She is not ready to give up her perfect image for me. She doesn't want me to see anyone else. She claims she is no longer intimate with her husband. I want to do the right thing. I feel like I need space and freedom to work on myself. When I am in a relationship I seem to stop focusing on my well being and focus on my partner. So, we broke up and I have stopped answering her calls and texts. The problem is she leaves messages asking me how she needs someone to talk to and asking how I can block her and not be there for her. I am very confused and conflicted because I broke up for space yet she wants my support for the breakup. All the dependency on me is taking a toll. Am I being mean or insensitive by not being available to her after a breakup? I'm in a similar situation. You might be her back up plan if she can't fix her marriage. Or she might want to keep tabs on you to make sure you don't move on while she's essentially breaking up her marriage for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2muchl8 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Hmmm, yes she does not want me to get away or find anyone else. The sad thing is I know she won't be leaving her marriage soon or ever, but she refuses to let me go. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Am I being mean or insensitive by not being available to her after a breakup? No, not at all. Block her from contacting you. She is doing what is best for her by staying with her husband so you do what is best for you by blocking her. She is a cake eater who doesn't want to do the right thing. How old are you and how old is she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2muchl8 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 We are both in mid 30's. Old enough to know better I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Hmmm, yes she does not want me to get away or find anyone else. The sad thing is I know she won't be leaving her marriage soon or ever, but she refuses to let me go. I don't think you are being mean or insensitive. It's reasonable for you to want her to be fully available before you have a relationship with her. She's wanting all of you, but she's only willing to give you part of her. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 you should run off with her lol Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I don't think you are being mean or insensitive. It's reasonable for you to want her to be fully available before you have a relationship with her. She's wanting all of you, but she's only willing to give you part of her. oh i tho you were with a mm and his wife wanted you Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 We are both in mid 30's. Old enough to know better I guess. Does she have children? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2muchl8 Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 Does she have children? 1 child. Her child makes this decision to part ways with her easier for me. However, she says her child is well taken care of and happy so I shouldn't worry. She admits there will be probably be someone else since I no longer want to be involved with her, but at least I can feel good about the decision I made. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 I have fallen hard for a married woman. She feels her feelings for me (female) are stronger than her feelings for her husband. She will never admit that to many people due to her upbringing. I feel terribly guilty about this. My rational side says let her go. She needs to fix whatever is happening in her marriage. She claims all her loyalty is with me, but at the end of the day it is not me she goes home to and shares holidays with. I deserve more. She is not ready to give up her perfect image for me. She doesn't want me to see anyone else. She claims she is no longer intimate with her husband. I want to do the right thing. I feel like I need space and freedom to work on myself. When I am in a relationship I seem to stop focusing on my well being and focus on my partner. So, we broke up and I have stopped answering her calls and texts. The problem is she leaves messages asking me how she needs someone to talk to and asking how I can block her and not be there for her. I am very confused and conflicted because I broke up for space yet she wants my support for the breakup. All the dependency on me is taking a toll. Am I being mean or insensitive by not being available to her after a breakup? She has no claims on you, she's not committed to you either. She's married and has a life built with someone else. If she truly wanted to divorce she would! It really is that simple. The thing is, her marriage doesn't 'suck' enough for her to end it and walk away. As painful as it is for you keep ignoring her. She's being selfish and cruel by telling you she doesn't want you to date others yet she has no intention of leaving her husband. Grieve the loss and focus on healing and detaching from her. Surround yourself with good friends and family that you can lean on during this emotional time. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 1 child. Her child makes this decision to part ways with her easier for me. However, she says her child is well taken care of and happy so I shouldn't worry. She admits there will be probably be someone else since I no longer want to be involved with her, but at least I can feel good about the decision I made. So she's looking for an affair, an escape and fun, not a divorce. Good that you made the right choice by walking away. Don't ever let someone treat you like she has! Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Have a threesome with the husband. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 You knew the stakes when you entered a married woman's game, She's married and with someone else, no need to try and place blame, You can accept it for what it is and continue down this path, Or you can leave her alone and leave her, I'm sure you can do the math! Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Just block her. Take care of yourself. Reserve your sensitivity for your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
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