Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 So you lost your virginity to this guy within one month of knowing him? well we knew each other longer. we knew each other about 4 months before. I wish I wouldn't have now, I was stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Dean3922 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Some guys lie about sex because they want the girl to feel they are experienced sexually and can rock their world. Others lie to fit the circumstances. How well do you know his history? Star Gazer could be right in that he told you want you wanted to hear to get in your pants. Some men are into the virgin conquest. If he dated a gal for 4 years he probably had sex with her many times. You sound like you want to feel special with him and you don't think he feels the same way. Once the virgin thing is gone it can really never be re-captured. If talking about does not ease your mind then you may to look for a virgin guy ( but now you not a virgin ) . Catch-22 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Some guys lie about sex because they want the girl to feel they are experienced sexually and can rock their world. Others lie to fit the circumstances. How well do you know his history? Star Gazer could be right in that he told you want you wanted to hear to get in your pants. Some men are into the virgin conquest. If he dated a gal for 4 years he probably had sex with her many times. You sound like you want to feel special with him and you don't think he feels the same way. Once the virgin thing is gone it can really never be re-captured. If talking about does not ease your mind then you may to look for a virgin guy ( but now you not a virgin ) . Catch-22 I know him like the back of my hand. He didn't date this girl for 4 years. It was his brothers girlfriends sister. Him and his friend went up there on night to hang out and his friend kept telling to him to have sex with her. He said no at first, and then he gave in, because he didn't want his friend to think he was a pussy. This is what him and his friend both told me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Its not even that I want to feel special with him. Its just that he lied to me, but its not like I asked him about it either. I just think he should've told me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Given this story, he doesn't take virginity seriously. Is his brother gonna call him a pussy in the future? Oh wah. I know thats what I cant get over being a girl I guess I view it different. But him and his friend dont even hang out anymore. his brother doesn't go out with her sister anymore. So whats it to him that they called him a pussy. They all have great lives now his brother is now married with a baby. John, his friend, is going into the army, and he has this over his head for the rest of his life. Just because of peer pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 I know exactly where your coming from. Its just I dont want to believe that. I felt exactly like you do about the whole situation until he sat down with me and we talked about for the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Candis is here for help, we don't need to bash her whether we think she's being naieve or not. The thought that comes to my mind in catching up on this thread is a big fat So What? It sounds to me like there's a lot of thought going around in circles with you wishing you could change the past. You can't, period, end of story. What happens in life happens and you grow from every experience, good or bad. You need to let go of it for your own sake if nothing else. My own personal story, I waited until I was a little older to lose my virginity. I really loved this guy and in the end he turned out to be such an a**h***. BTW, I lied to him and told him I wasn't a virgin. After he turned into such a jerk, I said to my sister, If I had known I was going to lose it to such an a**h*** I would have just lost it to any old a**h*** when I was 16 and not have had to worry about it all these years. You don't ever really know anyone, you just don't. Your boyfriend may be the greatest guy ever or the biggest lying cheating sack of crap but you don't know. If you're happy in the relationship and are willing to take a chance then stay. If you'll never get past this or trust him then leave. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 OK, my thoughts, for what they're worth - yes, he lied, he knew it mattered to you and he was probably embarrassed about the way his first time happened, too, based on what he (and his friend) told you about the scenario. Not great. But I think it's also relevant that he told you about it himself, freely, knowing that it would make a big difference to you and that you might want to leave him as a result. And, having been married to a cheating husband (and a champion liar), I don't get any such vibe from this story. His lie, though difficult and upsetting, doesn't sound like a make-or-break scenario to me - but if you don't find a way to deal with the resulting insecurity, it will drive a wedge in your relationship. It's good that you're facing that. You accepted it nine months ago, and since then, you say he's given you no reason to doubt him. The important thing is to focus on his character - is he generally trustworthy? Has he ever done anything else to make you feel insecure? Has he lied to others, for example, while telling you he'd never do that to you? The thing that is perhaps more troubling is that he let his friend bully him into having sex - I hope he's not still so easily manipulated. But...four years is a long time (and I'm guessing you're both still pretty young as it is?). Hopefully, he's grown up a lot from that time - but you'd be the better judge of that. Personally, it doesn't sound to me like you need to worry. Without knowing the guy, I'm reading your story as: he didn't want to lose you, he knew it mattered to you and he didn't want to lie to you anymore, so he wanted to make a clean breast of the situation. Cheaters never 'fess up if they can find any way to avoid it. They hate painting themselves as the bad guy/girl. That's something else I've gleaned from the OW/OM and Infidelity threads. Well, that and personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 yeah, what she said :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Candis01 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 I trust him with my life. There was never a doubt that I didn't trust him. I'm just having a hard time getting over it. But, this today has made me look at the situation different, and from another point of view. Everything you have said has been true. Everything from him being embarrassed about it, to his friend pressuring him. I cant believe how well you just summed up the situation, how I'm feeling, and what he has told me in a couple of paragraphs. It's like you've known the whole story from day one. Thank you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
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