My boyfriend's brother?

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi there,

 

I'm so pleased LS is back! I know I'm a bit late to this again now but I feel like so much has happened!

 

So a few months ago I met my boyfriend's brother at a big family gathering and I felt like I really didn't fit in with him and my BF.

 

There is 6 yrs between them and they are INCREDIBLY close- like finishing each other's sentences- they were having whole conversations in which I didn't have the foggiest what was going on. It's actually quite lovely that they are so close- but it was a bit of a shock for me to be at a loss of what to do or say!

 

They live a few hundred miles apart, so see each other a few times a year. My BF is a teacher- so he gets all the school holidays off work. Before me, my BF would immediately go off up North for all the breaks and see his family and friends. Now he kind of splits his time a bit for my sake- as I can't get school holidays off work too yet.

 

Anyway, BF has been making and changing his summer plans and he's going to be around for a few days before away for 2 weeks- and then he's bringing his brother down to stay with him for the rest of the summer. It will be great for them to spend time together but I do kind of wonder where that leaves me. I guess I'm just concerned we won't get any time together just the 2 of us for 5 weeks... and I also feel a little awkward around the brother- because we don't have much in common. I also have a feeling he feels the same about me. And I'm wondering how to break the ice more? My BF was single for 10 years before me- so they were kind of used to being just the two of them.

 

Also- BF asked me if I wanted to go away for the August Bank Holiday- which I agreed to. And now found out I think I'm crashing and changing a camping trip that was planned between him, his brother and his dad... It's apparently his brother's dream location for a trip- and I'm kind of tagging along now... and we aren't camping while I'm there- gone for AirBnB because my car is too small for a tent and I'll only be there for the weekend before his dad arrives with a giant tent for the week (and can bring them back after the week). I'm just worried I'm going to be in the way of their trip now... and I don't want to spoil things for the brother...

 

Any tips of how to break the ice? Any stories of how to get along with S/O's siblings? I have no siblings- so I have no idea about that type of relationship.

[preraph]

Honestly, I don't suggest you try to become friends with the brother. I mean, if you get too mixed up with him, what if he got a crush on you or something? Or what if you interacted a lot and it only made him like you less, or he started interfering between you and your boyfriend?

 

I suggest you simply always be polite, make a good impression while he's there by catering to them both a little, make a nice meal, keep whatever they drink on hand some of the time, etc. No, you will not be included in everything. This is boys' time. Your bf sounds very considerate about dividing his time with you, so you have nothing to really complain about, though 5 weeks could test that, to be sure! I think you ask him right now how that's going to work, what role he wants you to play, how much time alone he wants with his brother, what he wants you and the brother to do when he's at work, if he has to work, what his brother is going to do while you're at work, etc. Just ask some questions. Will they be taking side trips? I imagine so.

 

It was really nice of your bf to include you on this dream trip of his brothers, and his brother as well. Tell him that after you accepted, you realized you might be making their plans change and that you don't want to do that and see what he says. He may rather have you there, even if it makes the plans change, or he may not, or maybe you keep your visit partial and give them time alone.

 

Your bf is being reasonable, and so are you, but you need to communicate so things don't get crosswise and you know what he really wants and what is expected on your end. Meanwhile, once you talk to him about especially this long visit, make some plans for yourself and tell him you will, to spend a little time with your girlfriends or family during that time to minimize it a bit. Good luck.

[Lotsgoingon]

Play it by ear.

 

You will be nervous about brother spending the entire summer with bf. Who wouldn't be?

 

But ... you really don't know brother. You got a quick impression of him and felt uncomfortable when hanging out with the two together. He might just not have a personality that immediately connects with you ... but you may find that he's not an obstacle.

 

I would say be brutally honest with yourself ... or find some girl friend who you are gonna brutally honestly report to.

 

If you don't feel comfortable, that's fine ... Don't run from that or hide that.

 

And note, if they are THIS close, then frankly, you are with someone whose brother is gonna play a role in his life and in your life together for however long you date.

 

So ... this gives you a chance to see if this arrangement is gonna work.

[Mr. Lucky]

Also- BF asked me if I wanted to go away for the August Bank Holiday- which I agreed to. And now found out I think I'm crashing and changing a camping trip that was planned between him, his brother and his dad... It's apparently his brother's dream location for a trip- and I'm kind of tagging along now... and we aren't camping while I'm there- gone for AirBnB because my car is too small for a tent and I'll only be there for the weekend before his dad arrives with a giant tent for the week (and can bring them back after the week). I'm just worried I'm going to be in the way of their trip now... and I don't want to spoil things for the brother...

 

Assuming no other women going, you shouldn't go. Sounds like it was planned as a guys trip.

 

Any tips of how to break the ice? Any stories of how to get along with S/O's siblings? I have no siblings- so I have no idea about that type of relationship.

 

You may not have siblings but you do have friends - and friends of friends - so this is no different. Look for common ground, don't force things, be a good listener...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Els]

How long have you and the bf been together, and how did the August trip come up, did he ask you out of the blue or did you ask about going with them? Are both of you living in the same town or are you long-distance? Do you live together?

 

 

Re: the trip, I wouldn't go and I would leave the 3 of them to their own guys' trip since it's just a week. But for the long-term, 5-week period, you should be able to get at least a few days in with just your bf - 5 weeks is a very long time to go with no couple time at all. If he cares about your relationship, he would make sure to at least be able to spend one day a week alone with you. The rest of the time, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Sometimes people just take some time to break the ice, he and you may get along better after a while.

[Penguin_hugs]

How long have you and the bf been together, and how did the August trip come up, did he ask you out of the blue or did you ask about going with them? Are both of you living in the same town or are you long-distance? Do you live together?

 

 

Re: the trip, I wouldn't go and I would leave the 3 of them to their own guys' trip since it's just a week. But for the long-term, 5-week period, you should be able to get at least a few days in with just your bf - 5 weeks is a very long time to go with no couple time at all. If he cares about your relationship, he would make sure to at least be able to spend one day a week alone with you. The rest of the time, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Sometimes people just take some time to break the ice, he and you may get along better after a while.

 

We've been together since December and we don't live together- but only a 5 minute drive away. We meet up probably twice in the week and during most weekends too.

 

BF just asked me if I wanted to go to x place for the bank holiday (which is just a 3 day weekend in August) because he found out his dad couldn't make the whole week and I agreed. He didn't really mention his brother when I first agreed. Basically we'll take my car, and I'll drive back on the Monday afternoon and his dad will join on the Tuesday and take them back at the end of the week. So they still have a boys trip for half of it.

 

It was only after booking and paying I really realised that it was his brother's trip and he had invited me too. I get the feeling that he may have not asked him first... but considering me and my BF will be paying for more of the trip (long story) I can't exactly back down now... there are no other women in their lives to invite along too.

 

BF is a teacher so has 6 weeks off work- and his brother is leaving a temporary job and taking the summer off etc. So it seems like they will get in a lot of time together.

 

I guess I do just have to play it by ear.