Author BettyDraper Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 Yes. She just made the split with her boyfriend who wouldn't seek help for an alcohol addiction. We were both fully employed and had our own homes. After dating briefly, I asked her to marry me, and she moved in with me. After a two month engagement , we tied the knot in a memorable church ceremony. Frankly, we were both tired of the BS of getting together with cheaters, addicts, abusers, liars, deadbeats, lunatics, and those with ulterior motives... We were ready for each other. What a great love story. Being with scumbags makes it even sweeter to meet the love of your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 My GF is... about 8 yrs older that me. But she looks younger than her age. But, I look a little younger than her, mostly because men my age (54) let themselves go way too much. We get looks trying to figure out who is youngest or oldest. But her friends seem to pat her on the back for having a "younger" man. I find the whole thing silly for the most part... Being in an age gap relationship results in very positive or very negative reactions from others. A dear friend of mine is married to a man who is 17 years her senior. I can see why she was attracted to her husband. He's very dapper and sophisticated. Link to post Share on other sites
LilithD Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Yes. She just made the split with her boyfriend who wouldn't seek help for an alcohol addiction. We were both fully employed and had our own homes. After dating briefly, I asked her to marry me, and she moved in with me. After a two month engagement , we tied the knot in a memorable church ceremony. Frankly, we were both tired of the BS of getting together with cheaters, addicts, abusers, liars, deadbeats, lunatics, and those with ulterior motives... We were ready for each other. You are indeed a good man and, clearly, a wonderful husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Age gaps can be worked through as long as each partner is prepared to deal with the challenges of being at different stages of life. I'm glad that you met your wife after some romantic disappointments. Is your wife the same age as you are? Look at the French president and his wife 24 years his senior. If they can make it work to the point that he can be the president, clearly age is no barrier to happiness and life success. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Look at the French president and his wife 24 years his senior. If they can make it work to the point that he can be the president, clearly age is no barrier to happiness and life success. My friend's BF is 28 years younger than her (and she's dirt poor so it's not that). She was hyped when Macron got elected and his relationship went public 5-10 even 15 years for middle aged people (25-50) is hardly a 'gap'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I know this is totally off topic, but I love your user name...lol...I get the reference Although not much added to the topic, I am one for older men. I understand your dilemma. I am with someone 18 years my senior. I let comments roll of my back. No time for that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 My friend's BF is 28 years younger than her (and she's dirt poor so it's not that). She was hyped when Macron got elected and his relationship went public 5-10 even 15 years for middle aged people (25-50) is hardly a 'gap'. 25 is not middle aged. Middle age starts 35-40. The perception of age gaps depend on the health, appearance, lifestyle and mindset of the two individuals. Some people start to seem old as early as 40. My husband is in great health but he began to experience the aches and pains of senescence as early as age 35. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 I know this is totally off topic, but I love your user name...lol...I get the reference Although not much added to the topic, I am one for older men. I understand your dilemma. I am with someone 18 years my senior. I let comments roll of my back. No time for that! Thanks! I chose this screen name because I’m a housewife and I’m poking fun at stereotypes. I’m also a Mad Men fan. I love the wisdom, worldliness and sophistication of well adjusted older men. They make far better lovers than their younger counterparts. Good older men are also chivalrous and protective. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Ok, but no matter how you call it, people 25-50 are fully grown, able bodied, not yet getting age-related health issues, active in the workforce and/or their communities. So age difference in this range IMO is 'cosmetic'. For younger people obviously it matters because of maturity, for older - because of deteriorating health. What would you call senescence aches at 35? That sound awfully young to me... I'm about that age (33) and have my white hairs and stuff but hardly feel senile yet . If it is the grays, well... there are hair dyes for men... 25 is not middle aged. Middle age starts 35-40. The perception of age gaps depend on the health, appearance, lifestyle and mindset of the two individuals. Some people start to seem old as early as 40. My husband is in great health but he began to experience the aches and pains of senescence as early as age 35. Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm tired of people asking how old my husband is or how many years are between us. Y'know, there is truly only one way to solve that problem... Stop interacting with people. I wouldn't recommend it though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Ok, but no matter how you call it, people 25-50 are fully grown, able bodied, not yet getting age-related health issues, active in the workforce and/or their communities. So age difference in this range IMO is 'cosmetic'. For younger people obviously it matters because of maturity, for older - because of deteriorating health. What would you call senescence aches at 35? That sound awfully young to me... I'm about that age (33) and have my white hairs and stuff but hardly feel senile yet . If it is the grays, well... there are hair dyes for men... Sorry for the late reply. I've been buried in schoolwork. When you speak of "age related health issues", I'm not sure if you're talking about serious health problems or just run of the mill age related health annoyances. Deteriorating eyesight typically starts during one's 40s. Perimenopause can begin as early as age 35. Erectile dysfunction is a common health problem for men in their 40s and so is heart disease. The senescence aches I mentioned were alluding to back pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Y'know, there is truly only one way to solve that problem... Stop interacting with people. I wouldn't recommend it though. :D:D I can't with you. Link to post Share on other sites
OneParadox Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Don't feel bad for your husband. Actually most people are quite proud to have a significantly younger partner. Youth is a precious asset and showing off a younger mate usually means you have something of high value (wealth, intelligence, fame, power, incredible skills in the sack, etc...). A young mate truly is some sort of trophy you get for something you have. Trust me: older men are quite proud of a younger mate. They see the snarky comments as nothing else than envy. He might actually like to hear those. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Don't feel bad for your husband. Actually most people are quite proud to have a significantly younger partner. Youth is a precious asset and showing off a younger mate usually means you have something of high value (wealth, intelligence, fame, power, incredible skills in the sack, etc...). A young mate truly is some sort of trophy you get for something you have. Trust me: older men are quite proud of a younger mate. They see the snarky comments as nothing else than envy. He might actually like to hear those. In my real-life experiences with age-gap relationships, money is almost always a factor. Not saying that's the case with the OP, as she sounds sincere in her adoration for her husband. But I've known quite a few age-gap couples where you see them together and you go, "He must have money," and then you come to find out that, yes, yes he does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 The fix is for you to grow a beard... problem solved Not sure if there is anything you can do, him having a beard is aging him and you look young.. maybe him shaving his beard would make him look younger. I grew a beard this last winter and hated the way it aged me, mid 50's.. yes but not 60's... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Do you think you might be reading too much into the question? Sometimes it's just part of conversation IMO - I've been asked that before, and we're the same age!! Is it something about the way they're saying it? A mid-30s and mid-40s couple is hardly scandalous. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 In my real-life experiences with age-gap relationships, money is almost always a factor. Not saying that's the case with the OP, as she sounds sincere in her adoration for her husband. But I've known quite a few age-gap couples where you see them together and you go, "He must have money," and then you come to find out that, yes, yes he does. Right, but those are almost always something like a 50+ yo man with a 20 yo woman - they would be in completely different phases of life, with one of them old enough to be the other's parent. One person in their 30s and the other in their 40s isn't really much of an "age gap" IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 In my real-life experiences with age-gap relationships, money is almost always a factor. Not saying that's the case with the OP, as she sounds sincere in her adoration for her husband. But I've known quite a few age-gap couples where you see them together and you go, "He must have money," and then you come to find out that, yes, yes he does. Women are hardwired to look for resources while men are most attracted to youth and fertility in their mates. An age gap relationship is typically the trade of those attributes. There's nothing wrong with looking for certain traits in partners as long as superficial needs do not supersede an emotional connection. My husband and I will never be wealthy but we are quite comfortable. I realize that the terms "wealthy" and "comfortable" are relative. It helps that we live in an area with low cost of living and we do not have children. He takes pride in providing for me and I have learned to relax and enjoy that. Many aspects of our marriage are rather traditional for this day and age. We went through some very lean years when we were newlyweds; I was a recession bride and we lived in a little apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Right, but those are almost always something like a 50+ yo man with a 20 yo woman - they would be in completely different phases of life, with one of them old enough to be the other's parent. One person in their 30s and the other in their 40s isn't really much of an "age gap" IMO. I feel like our age difference felt much more pronounced when I was in my 20s and my husband was in his 30s. Perhaps the frequent comments about his older appearance have also made me more aware that I am younger than my husband. As for what constitutes a true age gap, I would think that there would be a huge difference between a woman of 30 and a man of 48. I'm saying this to respond to your comment about age differences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Do you think you might be reading too much into the question? Sometimes it's just part of conversation IMO - I've been asked that before, and we're the same age!! Is it something about the way they're saying it? A mid-30s and mid-40s couple is hardly scandalous. No, because the questions are frequent and also very random. I'm guessing that appearance is the reason for the remarks because some have even said "Your husband looks so old!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Don't feel bad for your husband. Actually most people are quite proud to have a significantly younger partner. Youth is a precious asset and showing off a younger mate usually means you have something of high value (wealth, intelligence, fame, power, incredible skills in the sack, etc...). A young mate truly is some sort of trophy you get for something you have. Trust me: older men are quite proud of a younger mate. They see the snarky comments as nothing else than envy. He might actually like to hear those. Admittedly, you are right. Behind closed doors, my husband mentions my youth all the time. He's a private and quiet man so he doesn't brag about our marriage to anyone. I will also be honest about being attracted to my husband's intelligence. He's a brilliant man who has built a successful career in a well respected STEM field. It would nice if his social skills were as advanced as his math expertise but we can't have it all. We complement each other nicely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 No, because the questions are frequent and also very random. I'm guessing that appearance is the reason for the remarks because some have even said "Your husband looks so old!" I mean, it's just part of the territory, especially if the younger person looks their age or younger. I know someone my age whose partner 10+ years older, which isn't a HUGE age gap. But she looks good for her age, while he looks every minute of his age. I've had a lot of people who know both of us come to me and kinda "Ew, what the heck?" about it. $$$ Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 I mean, it's just part of the territory, especially if the younger person looks their age or younger. I know someone my age whose partner 10+ years older, which isn't a HUGE age gap. But she looks good for her age, while he looks every minute of his age. I've had a lot of people who know both of us come to me and kinda "Ew, what the heck?" about it. $$$ Yeah....I don't understand how some women can be with old and hideous men for money. That's gross. Ten years isn't a huge gap but that depends on the ages of the two partners. 20 and 30 is more noteworthy than 40 and 50. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I was talking about serious health issues like T2DM, cancer etc. Besides fertility drop in the 30s, the rest I'd account in 'mild annoyances' indeed. Well not heart disease obviously, but I don't think there is a drastic difference between 35yo and 45yo chance to develop heart disease? Or is there? Since I've nearly always dated older ... I am in the camp it doesn't matter on the dating/mating front as long as maturity is reached (say after 20-25). -exBF that was 18 years older - our issues were primarily that he's too immature for me -exBF that was 7 years older - I always told people we're the same age because that's how I perceived it -BF that is 14 years older - I don't feel the difference at all, and assumed it's because we're both middle age (in my definitions I know ) 33/47 Oh, back pain has nothing to do with age most likely... Did he do intense sports or physical work? Sorry for the late reply. I've been buried in schoolwork. When you speak of "age related health issues", I'm not sure if you're talking about serious health problems or just run of the mill age related health annoyances. Deteriorating eyesight typically starts during one's 40s. Perimenopause can begin as early as age 35. Erectile dysfunction is a common health problem for men in their 40s and so is heart disease. The senescence aches I mentioned were alluding to back pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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