Mixed signals on her side

[Ashdale]

Hi guys,

I started going out with a wonderful girl, which has since developed into a bit of a confusing relationship, and I’m beginning to wonder where it’s actually going with no help on her part.

We started dating more than a month ago and such as been awesome as we have tones in common and I felt really comfortable around her. She easily opens up to me with no problem and began randomly asking that we go out inbetween dates weather it be walking her home from work or just asking for us to meet up or even joining in on plans with mutual friends of which she sticks around me like glue. But sometimes, she becomes a bit contradicting.

When we take a cab, she loves to lay her head in my lap, if we sit in public, she either holds my hand, puts it around her or leaned against me if not resting her head on my shoulder while hugging. One day we went on a random trip and ended up spending the night in a hotel and she jumped at the availability to cuddle or rest her forehead against mine. Later on on another trip, we ended up having sex three times in the same day.

On the other hand, her words tend to contradict her actions. At times she will say we’re just dating, other times I’m her boy friend. Times when she will talk about “us” and the future such as children and marriage, other times it’s about me or her as if our lives are separate. She loves kissing and being near me, and at times when our dates are over, she gets very depressed and even wants to consider spending more time at my place. She also has a wealth of insecurities which I’ve found myself really comfortable with and seek not to change her unless she wants to. At times she will even become super cold and not want to talk to me, until she comes back and holds my hand. It’s funny that she even claimed she didn’t find me attractive until our fourth date which kinda made me feel like crap.

I never entered into this relationship for the physical, but to have a truly fulfilling one that weould hopefully blossom into marriag and she knows this. She’s only had one other relationship before ours and keeps complaining that she only seems to entertain the bad kind of dating partners.

 

Her contradictions scare me at times. I’ve tried to talk to her about it and it normally results in her not wanting to put titles on each other but she definitely has no issues telling our friends and her co workers that we are dating.

[PRW]

Men do not "wonder where it’s actually going". That is feminine. Don't be feminine.

 

 

There is nothing contradicting about her,...unless you think she is a computer. The differences you see from time to time are entirely based on the emotions she feels at that particular moment. It is a feminine thing. Don't be feminine, and don't expect her to be masculine.

 

 

This,..."results in her not wanting to put titles on each other",... is the kind of thing women say when the guy is being needy, insecure, and wants to "lock her down" before some other guy comes along and steals her away. Stop doing it and be the man in the relationship instead of a hand-wringing fearful feminine guy that you are demonstrating in your post.

[Els]

Wow, seems like you really hit the jackpot with the replies you got, huh?

 

 

In all seriousness, I glanced at your other posts. It appears like you live in South Asia? I'm not sure what the dating norms there are. Perhaps this is normal, perhaps not. Do you have a friend in your own culture whom you can ask?

 

 

My best suggestion is to talk to her and explain how her hot and cold behavior makes you feel. If she cares about you, she'll try to work on it. If she doesn't, then you have your answer.