cliptec Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I am married to my husband for more than a year now and have been dating for 4 years. He was in a long distance relationship with a girl before me. He was single for about a year before we started dating. However for that year that he was single, he was still keeping in touch with this ex gf. Even when we started dating, he was telling me stories about this ex gf, and how he went to Portugal and Paris to celebrate her birthday. He even sounded proud that he booked a reservation for dinner in the Eiffel Tower as birthday dinner for her. At first, I didnt mind it as I wasnt that sure about him and our relationship. After few months of dating,he says he is in love with me he asked me to move in with him. I went to his place and saw a big pile of stuff. Helped him move his things and this pile of "girly" things to the apartment we leased. I asked him whose things are those and he said it is his exgf's. He said he was just keeping his ex gf's stuff since she left the country because of her job and he was not sure how he can return those things. (They have been broken up for a year or so) I asked him why cant he give those things to her friends. He is not responsible anymore for her things as they are not together anymore. It took a long time and lots of arguments before he finally decided to send her things away. I still cannot believe that he let me help him carry his exgf's pile of stuff. He is also friends with her on facebook even up to now. I dont mind it. But I find it weird that the ex gf likes or comments ONLY on posts related to OUR relationship. I know we are married now, but I cant help and wonder if he was still inlove with her for the first few months we were dating even though he said he was single for almost a year. It also bothers me that he can afford a 500$ dinner at the Eiffel Tower for her birthday but when I asked him about a Brazilian restaurant meat all you want, where would cost us about 100$, he was in shocked and said he would not pay that much and it isn't worth it. Also, when we go to eat out, we split the bill. I am confused and bothered and it makes me think that my worth is only those cheap restaurants. I am jealous of how much he makes effort when he was still dating his ex gf. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I'd tell him what you told us. You feel jealous about the perceived disparities. Don't yell or carry on. Ask Qs. Try to focus on the fact that he Married you! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) I think you have every right to mind her facebook presence, but are trying hard not to, which I do not mean in an accusatory way, but exes need to stop living in the past Does he owe you a fancy meal or two to make you feel special too? sure, why not? Maybe on your anniversary, go somewhere lovely, each year, plan this Edited June 25, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliptec Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I'd tell him what you told us. You feel jealous about the perceived disparities. Don't yell or carry on. Ask Qs. Try to focus on the fact that he Married you! I told him that and his response was "I dont get it." and then he walked out. I've told him about considering marriage counseling. He was indifferent. I told him that I am already considering divorce. It is not just about the ex gf, but other issues too. He said he didnt want divorce and will try to make things better, but until now, nothing has changed and it is just getting worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliptec Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I think you have every right to mind her facebook presence, but are trying hard not to, which I do not mean in an accusatory way, but exes need to stop living in the past Does he owe you a fancy meal or two to make you feel special too? sure, why not? Maybe on your anniversary, go somewhere lovely, each year, plan this Last year he knew it was our anniversary, he asked me to take off that day so we can celebrate. but on that day, nothing. Not even a greeting. I am actually the one who plans things out, like dinner or travels. I even pay for it because he says he pays the mortgage. It makes me think that I am the one doing things to make my self think that he is making me feel special. I could have just had a travel and food buddy instead of him. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) Last year he knew it was our anniversary, he asked me to take off that day so we can celebrate. but on that day, nothing. Not even a greeting. I am actually the one who plans things out, like dinner or travels. I even pay for it because he says he pays the mortgage. It makes me think that I am the one doing things to make my self think that he is making me feel special. I could have just had a travel and food buddy instead of him. I think you should listen to yourself. Be glad that there are no kids and leave him while you still have your looks. He has made his position clear. He makes you unhappy. He is a bad husband. Get a travel and food buddy, a few of them... Even if he was just trying to make you jealous and the lavish meals etc. were lies, which is possible ... urgh ... Edited June 25, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Your husband doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the box... in this case, he was hoisted by his own petard. By him bragging to you about the Eiffel tower dinner, and going to other countries with his ex, he has set up a bunch of expectations in you and he doesn't seem able to follow through. Does he still have the girlfriends old clothing? Just tell him that you are going to put them in a trash bag and call the local charity to cart them off... he can declare them a tax deduction. You can tell a lot, especially concerning the future of your relationship, by how he reacts. If he gets upset at the idea, it is because he never got over her. In that case, tell him you hope he is going to be happy with her old panties and proceed with the divorce because you are fighting a ghost and the ghosts always win... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cliptec Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 Your husband doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the box... in this case, he was hoisted by his own petard. By him bragging to you about the Eiffel tower dinner, and going to other countries with his ex, he has set up a bunch of expectations in you and he doesn't seem able to follow through. Does he still have the girlfriends old clothing? Just tell him that you are going to put them in a trash bag and call the local charity to cart them off... he can declare them a tax deduction. You can tell a lot, especially concerning the future of your relationship, by how he reacts. If he gets upset at the idea, it is because he never got over her. In that case, tell him you hope he is going to be happy with her old panties and proceed with the divorce because you are fighting a ghost and the ghosts always win... From what I know he doesnt have it anymore. Unless he has other stuff in his parents place. I remember also seeing some nude photos of him and his exgf from years ago. I also saw lewd emails from another exgf. I just find it weird that he goes into another relationship with all those things from previous relationships. He deleted those only after more than a year of being, arguments and after I wore my exbf's shirt with his own feelings written on it. I wore it while we were "making love". I know it was immature but I want him to feel how I felt with all those junk from his past relationships. I just find it weird that he didnt see those as a problem. I am just being too sensitive and irrational for asking him to remove those things from his past relationships? He thinks it shouldn't matter until I wore my exbf's shirt and I had him use a condom brand that my ex uses that I found on the bottom of my suitcase. Link to post Share on other sites
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