ILYs are getting very rare, struggling with end of honeymoon phase

[TooRational]

Hello there,

 

So I've been with my girlfriend now for 18 months. I'm quite certain that the honeymoon is now over and I'm quite struggling with it and would welcome some advice. Basically I'm hesitating between giving her space or have a "relationship talk" with her and mention how I don't feel loved by her anymore (or much less anyway).

 

I have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style btw so to some (or large) extent this explains why I'm struggling.

 

If you're interested you can read our relationship background story at the link below. This was a year ago when I wrongly thought that it was the end of the honeymoon when in fact it was just my gf being preoccupied. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/621005-handling-transition-honeymoon-phase-anxious-preoccupied-style-people

 

Here are some signs that she's getting distant and that I'm struggling with:

• She's saying ILY much more rarely. To the point that I don't remember the last time she said it (probably a week ago). When I do say it, she will sometimes say "me too", sometimes actually say ILY back (more meanigful to me) or sometimes just say nothing back. I'm especially struggling with it because whenever she talks on the phone with her sisters or children, she will nearly always end the conversation with ILY. So she's not one of those people that never say it. I've been saying ILY much less myself as well, kinda to leave her the chance to say it first but she rarely takes the opportunity.
  

• Words of affection are rare now. We often talk on the phone (we don'T live together) but to someone who overheard the conversation, we would sound just like friends. Just catching up on our days but no sweet words. No "I miss you". No dirty talk either. We used to send each other steamy texts once in a while but that doesn't happen anymore. Actually when I do try to send her some, most often than not I don't get a reply. Granted she's really not into sending texts, we rarely have text convos and it's rare that she answers any of my texts fast. In fact I fully admit to being jealous of her new triathlon coach, because she seems to be texting him more than me quite a lot. She often texts him at night before going to bed (or seems to anyway, I rarely peek but I did once and sure enough, it was him).
  

• Affectionate gestures are few and far between. You know, she used to give me a kiss on the neck in passing, be a little flirtatious. These kind of things. You know what I mean. Now it's more like walking in front of me today when going swimming in the lake, instead of waiting 5 s for me to catch up and walking hands in hands.
  

• I seem to have been bumped quite a few places down in her priority list. Her biggest priority now is the triathlon she's training for and every thing else comes second. We used to have sex at least every 48h, we actually joked about it because we heard a study that every 48h was the most "healthy" for couples. Not anymore. That was not "reasonnable" according to her (we'd often lack sleep because of it). On the weeks she has her kids, I typically go to her place on Monday and Wednesday night. Last Monday she was too tired, fine. Wednesday comes around and I'm hoping that we can spend some quality time together (i.e sex) after our group bike ride together. She makes it very clear that we can't have sex that night because she needs to wake up super early for her training the next day (like 5 am). She actually suggests that I perhaps should go sleep home if I can't be "reasonnable". We then have "the talk" where I explain that I feel that asking 1h of "couple time" during the week is not that much all things considered, and her not be willing to make space in her schedule for us makes me feel neglected. Her initial reaction was saying "I don't want to feel pressured in the relationship". But later that night, she proposed to actually postpone her morning training to the following day and we ended up walking up early (5:30) to have sex.
  

• Related to what I said above, she rarely initiates sex anymore. I'm always to one "testing the waters" when cuddling in bed to see if she's up for it or too tired. And believe me we have great sex. I'm the first guy that actually can me her orgasm with oral and now she usually has 3-4 orgasms per session.
  

 

Anyway, I could go on and on but you get the point. I'm pretty sure that she still loves me but at that point kinda takes me for granted and is not as excited as before to spend time together. I feel like we're an old couple already.

 

We all live busy lives but we make time for things we find important. If she doesn't make time for me in her life, then I feel unimportant.

 

So as I said, I'm struggling with what to do. On one hand perhaps I should give her space. But then my anxiety might grow out of control and I'm afraid that I'll resort to so-called "protest behaviors". On the other hand, I know that if I bring it up, I'm losing "attractiveness" points. No one wants a needy bf/gf.

[somanymistakes]

On the other hand, I know that if I bring it up, I'm losing "attractiveness" points. No one wants a needy bf/gf.

 

Stating your needs and concerns clearly is not being needy, it's being communicative. It's necessary in a healthy relationship.

 

Bringing it up constantly is what's unattractive.

 

If there's a problem, you need to find a way to explain your concerns clearly and openly without whining about it. Think of it as a relationship health check - or a relationship business meeting if that makes you feel more confident and assertive. You talk about how you think things are going, you ask for her version as well, you can both state whether there are things you think need improvement, what you see in the future, etc.

 

And then you give it time and see how things progress and check in again. Again, without doing a bunch of whining or testing behaviors in the meantime.

[AnotherGuy1234]

I know the feeling. My woman is the same. I try not to be needy or clingy, but damn.

 

I already have several talks with my girl, but plan to do another one to due things she has said to me. Dont be afraid to tell how you feel.

 

Women are moody and mine is for sure. I love her for who she is, but things she says and does sometimes hurts me and eats at me.

 

You're afraid if you do too much then she will run.

 

And the texting other guys and stuff...I understand. Mine texts her guy friend a lot, but she claims nothing is happening.

 

I saw her text him one day when she laid her phone down. I saw her say "Sorry babe". I got upset. I didn't say nothing to her. She could tell something was wrong. Day or so later I saw her email her girl friend and said "hey babe". So, that kind of made me feel a tad better, because I guess that is how she addresses her friends. So, I trust her and glad i didn't address it then...it showed me she calls all her friends that sometimes.

 

I have had in my mind to read her texts while she is away, but that is very untrustworthy and goes against trust. I trust her until she proves me otherwisem

 

We call each other babe, but now baby more.

 

 

Just give her space and try to make her miss you. I am trying it sometimes. It is hard. If she cares...she will come.

Edited June 26, 2018 by AnotherGuy1234

[snowboy91]

Just give her space and try to make her miss you. I am trying it sometimes. It is hard. If she cares...she will come.

 

Might have to disagree with that one - if you give her more space, you run the risk of creating more distance. This strategy might work earlier on in a relationship, but not at this stage.

 

OP it seems like you need those words of affection and for her to put in a certain amount of effort in the relationship, which isn't happening at the moment. It was things like that (plus having little in common) that ended up destroying my last relationship, however in your case you're not as far along that line and there is still hope. It's definitely worth voicing your concerns.

 

Do you still go out on dates/day trips together? If not, see if you can.

[TooRational]

Thanks everyone for validating my feelings. I'm definitely going to bring this up with her. I can't continue a relationship where my needs aren't me. I'm fully willing to give her plenty of space and time to train but we need to keep some kind of connection. I need to feel loved even if we're not spending a lot of time together. That basically means words of affection, through text or phone. But this is not happening at the moment.

 

To answer snowboy91, honnestly we don't often do typical "dates". Even in our best times. Our typical "perfect weekend" as we like to call them (when we don't have our kids) is a nice diner at home Friday night followed by sex. Then Saturday riding our bikes with friends and probably a diner with friends that night too. Lazy Sunday morning with morning sex followed by an afternoon of some kind of sports together (usually biking) or possibly again with friends. Basically a good mix of time alone as a couple, sex, time with friends and sports.

 

I really miss those blissful weekends. Now her schedule is much more rigid because of her training and she's often too tired (and/or less interested) for sex. So instead of having sex between 2 and 4 times per weekend, now it's more like once and I have to push for it.

 

We actually spent the last two days on a trip together this weekend. The goal was to explore the bike course of her upcoming triathlon. So we had two days of biking together and a nice diner at a restaurant. I had hopes that it would rekindle things somewhat but I was disappointed. No ILY during the whole weekend and the night we spent together, she just crashed onto the bed. I knew she was tired and so we had an early diner and were ready for bed at 8 pm. Even at this early time she gave zero signs of interest in sex. I started with a massage that eventually led to great sex. She says she "lives in the moment". My understanding is that when she's having sex, she greatly enjoys it but otherwise doesn't crave or think about it. I was hoping for signs of affection for the whole weekend but she seemed distant. I felt like a training partner rather than a lover.

 

This is so puzzling because my girlfriend is very expressive. In our best times, she could tell me ILY like 10 times in a row. Kiss me passionately as soon as I entered her house, you know, things like that. She says she doesn't hide her feelings and is very transparent. So if I'm reading her clearly, she's not into me at all anymore.

 

One last example. On our last trip day yesterday before leaving our separate ways (we used two cars because of some logistics issue), we had planned to chill with a beer and chips after the bike ride. You know, some one-on-on time after training. When the riding was done, she said "how about we skip the beer and just grab a quick salad at McDonald's to eat on the way". Basically let's skip our one-on-one time, I'm tired, I wanna go home. I voiced my opinion that I'd prefer if we kept our initial plan. I actually had brought everything needed to make a salad (at her request) so buying a salad at McDonald's seemed silly. The only point would have been to leave ASAP and it kinda hurt my feelings that she would feel that way.

 

I know I'm rambling but thanks for letting me get this off my chest. This is especially hard because I had such high hopes for this relationship. Everything seemed so great and perfect. We have lots of things in common, same values, awesome sex chemistry (the best sex we both ever had), etc. She actually told me at some point that she actually understood, for the first time, why people would want to marry (she had a 15 year relationship with her ex but never married, which is common where I live).

 

I don't think I'm the jealous type but I can't help but feel jealous of her new coach. She's being more distant since she started training with him. I don't know if being distant is purely because she's focused on her training of if there's truly something going on with her coach. Apart from some texting, I have no reasons to believe that there's something going on. But her behavior has changed. I fully trust her not to cheat, she has strong values against cheating and never cheated on her ex, even in the last years when the love was completely gone. But there's such a thing as emotional cheating.

 

Anyway, enough rambling for now. Thanks for reading.

Edited June 26, 2018 by TooRational

[OldSoulB]

All right, I'm going to tell it to ya straight: relationships NEVER stay the same way from when they start. The "ILYs" and "compliments" etc. WILL become rarer naturally. You will get used to each other and to some extent, take each other for granted. Do NOT let the latter become prominent because that's one of the major causes of relationships ending.

 

My advice? Take it easy and don't worry too much about the "ILYs" etc. Why? Because giving "ILYs" and compliments everyday/often can degrade their meaning, make it routine, and less effective. If anything, the rarer, more genuine types of "ILYs" and compliments at the right time have a bigger impact than the daily utterances of them.

 

Finally one last comment I want to make: Being with single mothers is not a good deal for you. She'll always put her kids and other responsibilities ahead of you, and that will have bigger effects down the road. For example what you're going through right now.

Edited June 26, 2018 by OldSoulB

[AnotherGuy1234]

Like they said above me...dating a ready made family can cause some issues.

 

That was one reason I didn't want to get involved with one. I did and am right now.

 

Kids are her #1 priority. I agree with that. Kids are our future. But, like I will tell my girl...I need to be her priority as well just like the kids (who are the seed of two other men) and her are one of my biggest priorities. I choose them to be, because they are important to me and I want a life with them.

 

If she can't accept me as a priority, but an option...we have a major malfunction.

 

You need to make decisions too. I fail at this sometimes. But sometimes, you want to go by with how she feels, but if she keeps ditching plans...put your foot down.

 

If she isn't going to be appreciative of you then find someone who is.

 

 

That's like I told my woman before...I could be out there with some woman with no kids and who will give me time, but I don't because I love the kids like they're my own and I love her. I am not her past guys who just wanted sex and just cause isssues. I want a future with her. But she is like your girl..."day by day".

 

I did rush too quick to ask for marriage. I told her I will slow down.

 

Communication is the key. But tell her you do not want to argue. Act like adults and get down the bottom of it. Find solutions and if it isn't going to work. Move on to something better. You only have one life. Don't waste it on negative people and people who don't value the relationship like you do.

[TooRational]

Thanks for the feedback. Honestly kids are really not a problem. We each have two kids from a previous relationship and we manage to include them in our lives extremely well, and of course they are priority #1. We both have split custody so 50% of our time is without our kids and so get have the opportunity to spend way more alone time than a typical standard couple with kids. When we do have the kids, we do some family activities together.

 

I do understand that it's normal for a relationship to "cool down" after a while. I fully understand that. But in our case the change has been very drastic and I have trouble adapting.

 

As for how often couples should say ILY to each other, I think that expectations vary wildly. To some, saying it too often makes it lose its meaning, alright, I get that. But then why was it not a problem saying it very often during the first year? It didn't lose its meaning then. Also, according to the "5 love languages" theory, my #1 language is Words of affection. So I need to hear ILY or other sweet words on a regular basis, otherwise I don't feel loved. That's just how I'm wired. The first year was blissful and I got plenty of those. I thought that I had found a compatible partner. Perhaps not in the end...

[Els]

To be honest, your requirements feel very strange to me. If you say ILY or "I miss you" literally every day, do they really mean anything anymore? I personally prefer to save those for special times, because they feel more meaningful that way. Even every week (which is your definition of "much more rarely") is far too often for my personal preference, I would find it exhausting to need to do that. Also, sex 2-4 times a weekend is somewhat higher than the norm IMO.

 

That being said, we each have different "love languages" and preferences. I could never be in a relationship like yours that doesn't involve any "dates" for instance, and you are entirely within your rights to want what you want. However, I would ask yourself WHY it's so important to you that you get ILYs on such a frequent basis. Is it genuinely just a love language preference, or could it be because you are questioning the relationship in general? Are you certain that you are OK with spending most of your time just training together and being with friends? Is SHE okay with that, has she expressed any concerns about things?

[carhill]

After my wife's best friend unexpectedly died, myself being fortunate that I stuck to the sappy hugs, kisses, ILY thing with her, I made a promise to myself that loved ones, from close friends to partners to any future wife would get those expressions regularly. Can't imagine 'whatever', did it enough, and then getting the call that they're gone.

 

I think about that when looking at the memorial at the stop sign at my CA place where two guys were killed instantly a couple weeks ago when running the stop sign. Clearly, the memorial says someone cared. I hope they expressed it before the guys died.

 

Anyway OP, if she's saying ILY regularly to her family and not you, and did before, you're not long for this world, relationship-wise. On the rail out. Limerence didn't appear to transfer to long-term adult love.

[Poutrew]

[*] I seem to have been bumped quite a few places down in her priority list. Her biggest priority now is the triathlon she's training for and every thing else comes second. We used to have sex at least every 48h, we actually joked about it because we heard a study that every 48h was the most "healthy" for couples. Not anymore. That was not "reasonnable" according to her (we'd often lack sleep because of it). On the weeks she has her kids, I typically go to her place on Monday and Wednesday night. Last Monday she was too tired, fine. Wednesday comes around and I'm hoping that we can spend some quality time together (i.e sex) after our group bike ride together. She makes it very clear that we can't have sex that night because she needs to wake up super early for her training the next day (like 5 am). She actually suggests that I perhaps should go sleep home if I can't be "reasonnable". We then have "the talk" where I explain that I feel that asking 1h of "couple time" during the week is not that much all things considered, and her not be willing to make space in her schedule for us makes me feel neglected. Her initial reaction was saying "I don't want to feel pressured in the relationship". But later that night, she proposed to actually postpone her morning training to the following day and we ended up walking up early (5:30) to have sex.

[

 

You have bigger problems than you think, friend. With the above example, do you realize what actually happened? She actually kicked you out of her home. Later on she realized what she had done, and did some damage control, so she relented and gave you what you wanted. Mercy sex. And, it worked. Sheesh, the things girls have to sacrifice to keep their men happy...

 

 

It is not the verbal expression of love that you are missing, but the physical expression of affection. I NEVER say ILY to my gf. Never. But, I show her how much I really love her by the things I do, not say. Your gf is finding other priorities... the things she really considers important do not include you . Also, do not be too dismissive about snooping her text messages. I would be willing to wager that you will be shocked and saddened to see what is really in them. If you ever do read them, and it is bad, don't tell her. Just re-prioritize the relationship yourself. Or, better yet, find someone else - someone far away from the Brady Bunch.... good luck.

[TooRational]

So interesting to read all the very varied opinions.

 

Elswyth: It's so hard for me to understand the concept that saying ILY diminishes its meaning. I strongly disagree but respect your opinion. By the same token, should we have sex only once or twice a month? Otherwise it gets boring and too much like routine? Gets meaningless? Should we only kiss on the cheeks and keep french kisses only for those very special moments? Of course not. Why should verbal expression of love be any different? You can say ILY somewhat routinely and still sometimes say ILY in a very special, more meaningful way (deeply looking at them in the eyes, you get the point).

 

About the way we spend time together, yes I'm positive that she's ok with it. I'd say it's her preference actually more than mine. Doing sports together is our way to "date". We'd much rather do that than watch movies or go eat out. But I'll try to include more "typical" dates this summer, such as going for a walk along the river. The problem is always finding the time to do so.

 

carhill: Agreed 100%. Why withold it. I'm guilty of this myself. I've only recently started saying ILY to my parents. It's still awkward because I never used to say it. Don't know why but I'm trying to fix it.

 

Poutrew: Perhaps you're right. I prefer to think that the little conversation we had about it sunk in and she realized my point. She did say that she realized that I was right, asking one hour of her time per week (excluding weekends) was perfectly reasonable.

 

But yes, I'm not only missing verbal expressions of love, I'm missing *any* expression of love, whatever its form. My other two preferred love languages are "physical touch" and "quality time". If I got those two on a more regular basis then I would be less longing for her sweet words of affection.

 

I was hoping to discuss that with her tonight because she had planned to sleep at my place. But her plans have changed. I'm hoping that tomorrow night we can get together to finally discuss this. I want to know where we stand.

[Els]

Elswyth: It's so hard for me to understand the concept that saying ILY diminishes its meaning. I strongly disagree but respect your opinion. By the same token, should we have sex only once or twice a month? Otherwise it gets boring and too much like routine? Gets meaningless? Should we only kiss on the cheeks and keep french kisses only for those very special moments? Of course not. Why should verbal expression of love be any different? You can say ILY somewhat routinely and still sometimes say ILY in a very special, more meaningful way (deeply looking at them in the eyes, you get the point).

 

About the way we spend time together, yes I'm positive that she's ok with it. I'd say it's her preference actually more than mine. Doing sports together is our way to "date". We'd much rather do that than watch movies or go eat out. But I'll try to include more "typical" dates this summer, such as going for a walk along the river. The problem is always finding the time to do so.

 

 

Yeah, it's likely a love language thing. Routine ILYs mean literally nothing to me and him, so we don't do them. Our love languages are predominantly acts of service and quality time, with physical affection and gifts coming next, and verbal expressions last of all. But we are all different.

 

 

 

Have you talked to your gf about what her preferred love languages are? Does she express love towards you in ANY of those ways, or have all of them stopped completely, not just the ILYs and a slight decrease in sex?

[TooRational]

Elswyth, yes, probably a language thing. We can agree to disagree

 

No, I don't quite know what her own love languages are. I'll probably suggest her to take the test next time we talk, it could be interesting. But I know that physical touch is quite high for both of us.

 

Nothing has stopped completely but everything has diminished greatly. Granted, she's been sick a lot in the past month and that has a big impact on her mood, she warned me about that. This possibly translates to her showing much less affection towards me and I have trouble adapting and it makes me question her love for me.

 

The one thing I have the most trouble with is really the lack of ILY. Even if someone is feeling down a bit, why would they start withholding ILY to their lover? At this point she's not even replying "me too" when I do say it. This makes my anxiety shoot way up. This is such a stark contrast to her past behavior where she would sometimes call me out of the blue, just to say ILY.

 

But I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing in the end. Last night she told me that she was planning to visit me by surprise that night but didn't have time in the end (too overwhelmed with house chores). Just knowing that she was planning a surprise means everything to me. It shows that she still loves me and wants to spend time with me. She probably knows I was hurt by her behavior last week (the night where she denied sex in favor of her training) and seems to be making an effort.

 

I think that I'll suck it up for now and not bring it up tonight. She has a big race coming up this Saturday and I don't want to stir bad feelings and jeopardize her race. I'll wait until after the race to bring it up. Hopefully things will have naturally improved by then, but I will still talk to her about the past few weeks.

 

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks everyone for the help.

[Els]

 

The one thing I have the most trouble with is really the lack of ILY. Even if someone is feeling down a bit, why would they start withholding ILY to their lover? At this point she's not even replying "me too" when I do say it. This makes my anxiety shoot way up. This is such a stark contrast to her past behavior where she would sometimes call me out of the blue, just to say ILY.

 

 

There are lots of possible reasons. One is that verbal affection isn't really high on her love language list, and so after the honeymoon period she finds it exhausting to keep it up. Another possible reason is that she might not really be happy with the rest of the relationship and that is affecting her actions towards you. So on and so forth.

 

 

Unfortunately you won't know until you talk to her about it. But yeah, waiting til after her big event might be a good idea.

 

 

All the best to you guys.

[TooRational]

Quick update. She has been much more loving lately, I would say back to "normal" (for us anyway). No steaming passion like the first year but nice little loving gestures throughout the day. A smile here, grabbing my butt there, a sweet ILY once in a while (about once a day now).

 

Really, I have nothing to complain about. As I said she had been sick with recurring colds for the past month and this seems to be the cause of her behavior. Still, a little puzzling nonetheless.

 

I don't plan on bringing it up after all, unless there's another long stretch without ILYs. I just can't help but feel anxious when that happens and start questionning where our relationship stands. Then again, perhaps I should discuss this with her when she's in her best mood rather than waiting for a bad period again?

[TooRational]

Another update since we had "the talk" this weekend.

 

Basically when I felt that she was distant, she says that she was slightly depressed. She doesn't know why but can bounce back from it on her own. Depression runs in her family. As I said previously, she also has been sick a lot and apparently being sick makes her become more distant. Tiredness does that too. She's training hard for a triathlon so is often tired. So often distant. Basically when she's not in a jolly mood she is acting emotionally distant. I would say that in the past two months, she has been distant 70% of the time.

 

I also expressed that from my point of view, when she stops saying ILY for several days I can't help but start getting a bad feeling that, in fact, perhaps she doesn't love me anymore. I couldn't quite decode her reaction. It seems that she kinda understands my view point but at the same time I feel that she doesn't realize her behavior in the moment. She had not realized that she had stopped saying ILY for several days (5-6) in a row.

 

Talking helped to understand her a bit better but there are remaining issues. A big one is "pressure". She says that she doesn't like to feel pressured in the relationship (like pressure to spend time together, pressure to have sex, pressure to act lovingly, etc). She says that when feeling that pressure, it has the opposite effect and she wants to run away from it.

 

I really don't know how to react to that. I gave her one example. Let's say that I send her a steamy text along the lines of "I'm horny for you". When she's in a good mood and affectionate, she might tease back and we can have a small sexting exchange, building anticipation (leads to great sex). On the other hand, if she's feeling distant, she's gonna see that text of mine as "pressure" and doesn't appreciate it. She most often will not reply in that case and I get hurt. She admitted to this and doesn't have a solution. Neither do I.

 

So what am I supposed to do? Refrain from sending her suggestive texts, not mention how I'm looking forward to spend time with her, etc, and become an old, boring couple? Or keep sending those texts and taking the chance that it will hit the mark and keep a few sparks in the relationship?

 

Basically I feel that I need a mind reader to decode her. I'm supposed to know her current state of mind and adapt accordingly, otherwise I risk pushing her away.

 

Side note. I really like the attachment theory and according to this classification, I'm anxious-preoccupied. My ex was dismissive-avoidant and it was a toxic relationship. I was sure that my current girlfriend was secure, and she was, for the first year. Now I realize that she definitely has some kind of part-time avoidant personality. She can be super secure, loving and affectionate one day (like this weekend) but then have a longish stretch of avoidant behaviors. Like a roller coaster. It's really hard on me.

[AnotherGuy1234]

My woman is the same way. Do not pressure here. Give her breathing room when she wants it.

 

Communication is the key. Do not be afraid to tell how you feel.

 

Just avoid blaming. Just go "I feel". And then let her tell you how she feels. Yall meet in the middle with whatever decision.

 

Listen to her. Take what she says and listen.

 

Don't pursue too much. If she doesn't text back...just wait.

 

Don't text her back automatically. I didn't for awhile and she texted me saying she was worried about me. Told her I had some things on my mind. We talked. So far everything is great.

 

I am learning the same thing and been through this. It is hard especially if you're head over heels for them.

 

 

She is a human just like you...but she is also a woman so her moods will go up and down from time to time..especially when they're at the manwich period.

[TooRational]

Thanks AnotherGuy. Yes when she's distant and depressed giving her space is probably what I need to do. The problem is that when she gets distant I have a tendency to assume that there's a problem in our relationship. So far it doesn't seem to be the case (unless there's something she's not telling me).

 

 

Next time we talk about this I'll try to ask her to actually tell me when she's feeling down so that I don't misinterpret her distant behavior.

 

 

Any other advice guys?

[TooRational]

Not sure if someone is reading these updates but whatever, it helps to just have a place to let things out.

 

I might have found the reason why my gf has been distant for the past 2-3 months. She's saying that she has felt tired a lot lately and thinks that her dosage for thyroid hormone replacement is off (she had her thyroid removed when she was younger). I read some of the symptoms of low thyroid levels and it could very well explain her behavior. This article in particular is quite interesting:

Hypothyroidism ruined my relationship

 

So, perhaps that is the explanation for her behavior lately. Perhaps she's just losing interest in me. But for now I'll assume that it's a thyroid problem, it helps with my anxiety about the relationship. I'll try to be understanding and give her the space she needs while she gets her thyroid resolved.

 

I'm going to a biking event (+camping) this weekend and she was supposed to come, but in the end I might end up going alone with a friend if she's too tired. I'm almost hoping that she decides not to come after all. I think that we need some alone time and she's told me before that I need to be more independent. I had told her before that if she couldn't come, I'd stay with her because we really have not had a lot of quality couple time lately and I'm craving that, but it was a mistake. I've changed my mind and will go no matter what.

[TooRational]

The hypothesis seems to be confirmed. I saw her yesterday for the first time after she has been taking a higher dose for 3 days and OMG, everything is back to normal! She's smiling more, laughing at my bad jokes again, being more flirtatious and we ended up having great sex last night even though it was late.

 

I feel like a million bucks this morning!