Trappedandsad Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Been in an affair a year, didn't know at first he was married. I'm at least his second in 15 years. I love who I thought he was but he is abusive. He calls me names, I already had to get legal help to make him stop the first time. He's jealous and I found out he is worse to his wife. I have told the wife twice about us. Once months ago and she was devastated. Once yesterday and she told me she was done, he abuses her, and wanted me to go out and meet him so she could come and catch us. I said no because I felt that was just a bad idea. I have plenty of texts and photos to prove it. He told me I should be killed because of my clothing choice and raped. Then went on a night long text binge about how he hates me and one man I slept with when we wasn't dating must have a larger package. The wife had me asking him questions about if he loved me and he said yes. Then wanted to know about her. He said she doesn't get him stimulated. The wife said I should have him but I don't want him. I'm hurt and angry he tells me he loves me then abuses me. He was told if he contacted me again he would be fired. I'm so sick of his games I want him to lose his job. His wife said not to or she will suffer but you can't tell people you love them then say they need to be murdered. I'm at the point I want to take my own life I feel so worthless. And his wife had her phone smashed for talking to me. I don't know what to do. I want revenge on this man for abusing me. Yes I had an affair, but I don't deserve abuse. I did nothing to cause it. I was in my right to break up and try to move on. I can wear the pants I want to wear. He didn't learn from his first warning and I told him to just pick me or her. And he cussed me out. And said I hurt him too many times. But he says that once a week. He won't just say he chooses her or me. So...a part of me wants to get him for his actions. What would you do? His comments have alarmed my friends and family because he has a history of abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 I would get as far away from this man as possible. I would completely disengage, because to stay in this love triangle is to risk your life. I would never see or speak to him or his wife again. And then, I would find a Counsellor or go to a women’s shelter to get help for yourself. You need to learn how you got involved with such a terrible man and why you have stayed this long in what is clearly, a very abusive situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trappedandsad Posted June 26, 2018 Author Share Posted June 26, 2018 (edited) I would get as far away from this man as possible. I would completely disengage, because to stay in this love triangle is to risk your life. I would never see or speak to him or his wife again. And then, I would find a Counsellor or go to a women’s shelter to get help for yourself. You need to learn how you got involved with such a terrible man and why you have stayed this long in what is clearly, a very abusive situation. Should I seek an restraining order? I don't want a women's shelter. I have a nice home, college degrees and a job. I have a psychiatrist I can talk to. I think I want to tell the authorities. I am very depressed and have been for about 3 years. I take medications which keep me from planning suicide. In a way, I kind of want to die. Maybe I stay hoping he will kill me. Sometimes I wish I won't wake up or I'll get into an accident and die. My psychiatrist says it's par for the course and if I don't have a plan I should be ok. Edited June 26, 2018 by Trappedandsad Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Do you think you will need a restraining order to keep yourself safe? I personally would not want to escalate this situation any more. Do what your psychiatrist tells you to do. And, if you feel like you want to take your life, call a suicide hotline. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Telling the authorities & relying on your psychiatrist are wonderful ideas. You don't need a women's shelter. Those are for women who live with the abuser & have no other means to leave. You may need to install an alarm system with cameras but you can stay in your home. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Should I seek an restraining order? I don't want a women's shelter. I have a nice home, college degrees and a job. I have a psychiatrist I can talk to. I think I want to tell the authorities. I am very depressed and have been for about 3 years. I take medications which keep me from planning suicide. In a way, I kind of want to die. Maybe I stay hoping he will kill me. Sometimes I wish I won't wake up or I'll get into an accident and die. My psychiatrist says it's par for the course and if I don't have a plan I should be ok. why do you still engage with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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