nospam99 Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 64 y/o male, divorced a little over a year, dating again about 9 months, meeting women via OLD I've done meetups in the past. I wasn't 'searching' at the time and my attitude was along the lines of people being there to have fun so it would have been tacky for me to hit on any of the women in any case. I hadn't done a meetup since my return to dating. Hiking is one of my things. There is a meetup group I've been a member of for a few months but hadn't previously attended one of the meetups. This past weekend (WTH) I went on my first with this group. It was a moderately strenuous hike (I was 'beat' the next day) with a group 'around' my age. So there was a lot of friendly and teasing banter, some of which could have been interpreted as flirting. Face it people, if you're out doing something fun and physical with similarly aged people who are mostly divorced parents of adult children there's going to be flirty remarks. I'm just not sure how to take it. I'm new to the group so I want to be sensitive to 'fitting in'. Several of the women would be 'targets' to ask out or for a phone number if I knew they were 'searching' rather than simply clowning around with friends. My thought is to continue to adventure with the group and get to know folks better before attempting to date one of the ladies. Good idea? 'Go for it' quickly? Don't turn something friendly into a pick up game? Other ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Here's my take on this. I've only ever belonged to one Meetup group and it was a single mom's group. There are bigger single parenting groups that have men and women in them, but since I wasn't interested in dating, I only wanted to belong to the mom's group. I think that if most women aren't at least open to the idea of dating they would join a female-only exercise/hiking group. However, I wouldn't jump right on asking one of them out. Do things with the group a few times first. I have a friend who just had a baby with and married his Meetup girlfriend . Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Continue to attend events so you can get a feel for the vibe of the group and get to know the members better. It should become evident within a few meets whether everything is just a friendly vibe or whether the members are open to dating (or even are already dating each other). Do not jump in too quickly because then you run the risk of being "that creepy guy" that the women hope doesn't show up for the next outing. You also may want to decide carefully who to ask out because once you start dating within the group, you vastly limit on who you can date next. (You get the reputation of dating everyone...) (I met my husband at a Meetup event....) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Casual flirting is fine. You want to establish a rapport of trust / reliability as a good guy 1st. Then as you get to know people a bit better if there is one special person you fancy, ask her out. You can't really go through the whole group if you know what I mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 My two cents. Meetup is not for dating. But, then again, it's like any social situation. Treat it as a fun time. But if you are attracted to any of the single women in the group, a little flirting is OK. I do know of one couple in my area who met through Meetup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted June 30, 2018 Author Share Posted June 30, 2018 Delicious coincidence? Irony? ... or fate? This morning I happened to set my age filter one year lower than usual on a Mutual Match search on Match.com. A nice, 'younger' woman popped up as a 97% match. Unusual for women her age (53), her range of ages for men she's seeking covered me (just barely - 64). As I was composing a message to her 'something' about her photos seemed 'familiar'. I went over to my meetup.com window to check. Sure enough, one of the women from the meetup hike. Of course I completed and sent the message, not failing to point out the coincidence to her as well. Being it's OLD, I have no expectations but ... circumstances like this are just ... freaking ... FUN! ROTFLMAO ... as I'm writing this post, match.com shows she just logged on. Match sends emails as soon as someone sends you a message. Did she log on to respond to my message? 'Succeed' or 'fail', I'd love to post this report in real time. But she may not respond or could take some time and respond later. So I'm not going to wait. MOAH fun though! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 I think your plan to just get to know them better is right. Some may have boyfriends or even husbands who just don't like hiking. I mean, this is the way to meet people. See if being around them a few times starts any relationship that seems to have any more substance than the others. Nothing wrong with flirting to get someone to like you but don't be confusing. Like if you flirt with everyone just being friendly, I guess if one was interested, they could kind of take you up on it, but it also might confuse them because you do it with everyone. I kind of think you wait and see how the group defines you, if you start having some closer friends, etc. Start conversations about stuff like movies so that if one person says, I haven't seen Jurassic World either, you can take her aside and say, "We should go," and then she still may not know it's a date but you'll pay since you asked. If that goes well or seems to be something more than buddies, take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 dude you're allowed to hit on chicks anywhere and anytime 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaronChairman Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Yes, Meetup groups are good for looking and perhaps establishing a rapport with someone you might be interested in. There's nothing wrong at all with using them for that. In fact, some Meetup groups are strictly for singles. I'm not overly fond of the singles groups, though, because the people in them tend to be trying to come off as likable. You need to find one which matches your real interests. No, not everyone will be single, but you'll be able to better get to know the ones who are. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 As long as you don't do it in a creepy way and don't get mad when/if you get turned down, it should be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Also, don't ask out more than one woman from the meetup because you'll become the subject of mockery. Take your time, get to know everyone in a friendly way while also being open asking out a single woman after finding OBVIOUS mutual interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 Delicious coincidence? Irony? ... or fate? This morning I happened to set my age filter one year lower than usual on a Mutual Match search on Match.com. A nice, 'younger' woman popped up as a 97% match. Unusual for women her age (53), her range of ages for men she's seeking covered me (just barely - 64). As I was composing a message to her 'something' about her photos seemed 'familiar'. I went over to my meetup.com window to check. Sure enough, one of the women from the meetup hike. Of course I completed and sent the message, not failing to point out the coincidence to her as well. Being it's OLD, I have no expectations but ... circumstances like this are just ... freaking ... FUN! ROTFLMAO ... as I'm writing this post, match.com shows she just logged on. Match sends emails as soon as someone sends you a message. Did she log on to respond to my message? 'Succeed' or 'fail', I'd love to post this report in real time. But she may not respond or could take some time and respond later. So I'm not going to wait. MOAH fun though! Quoting MY OWN post (that no one reponded directly to) to provide context. And at this point this post is at least partially for the entertainment of y'all She responded and wants to meet. I would be VERY happy BUT ... I also just met another woman last night (prearranged first in person meeting), coincidentally at the same time as this woman from meetup was responding on Match. The 'in person' woman and I hit it off and she said she'd like to 'date'. As the meetup woman wrote, 'wonderful little tricks and surprises the Universe gifts us with'. I'm very 'Captain America' in a lot of ways. I am serious about my dating relationships and don't (or haven't until now) multi-date. And of course my 'relationships' with both of these women are so 'new' that it's almost premature to call them relationships. Let me leave it that I am in what is for me is the awkward (but funny in a rom-com way) situation of having two women acting like they (at least) would like to date me. Of course in another week I may also have been flaked, ghosted, or dumped by both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 nospam Go on one date each with both women, even if it's the same week. After you have a date with each of them you can make distinctions. Captain America or not, 1 date each does not make you disloyal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 nospam Go on one date each with both women, even if it's the same week. After you have a date with each of them you can make distinctions. Captain America or not, 1 date each does not make you disloyal. Agree! I also agree with Meetup woman....sometimes the universe does give us wonderful surprises . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 LOL@ d0nni and CO ... Because the two of you have reacted enough to my posts in the past that I feel like you're treating me like your divorced dad or older brother. Nevertheless thanks for your encouragement and 'blessing'. Dating each at least once is exactly what I intend to try to do (assuming no flaking on their parts - FWIW I have already met both in person - strange Universe indeed - and the FUN continues). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 If you want to be my virtual, on line older brother, that works for me. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 LOL@ d0nni and CO ... Because the two of you have reacted enough to my posts in the past that I feel like you're treating me like your divorced dad or older brother. Nevertheless thanks for your encouragement and 'blessing'. Dating each at least once is exactly what I intend to try to do (assuming no flaking on their parts - FWIW I have already met both in person - strange Universe indeed - and the FUN continues). Someone needs to clear out their PM inbox..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 Someone needs to clear out their PM inbox..... Sorry - 3 slots free now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 No it isn’t. OK, I'll bite. Why in your opinion is causal flirting not fine between single consenting adults? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Quoting MY OWN post (that no one reponded directly to) to provide context. And at this point this post is at least partially for the entertainment of y'all She responded and wants to meet. I would be VERY happy BUT ... I also just met another woman last night (prearranged first in person meeting), coincidentally at the same time as this woman from meetup was responding on Match. The 'in person' woman and I hit it off and she said she'd like to 'date'. As the meetup woman wrote, 'wonderful little tricks and surprises the Universe gifts us with'. I'm very 'Captain America' in a lot of ways. I am serious about my dating relationships and don't (or haven't until now) multi-date. And of course my 'relationships' with both of these women are so 'new' that it's almost premature to call them relationships. Let me leave it that I am in what is for me is the awkward (but funny in a rom-com way) situation of having two women acting like they (at least) would like to date me. Of course in another week I may also have been flaked, ghosted, or dumped by both of them. Love your attitude. Going to have to use meetup woman's line sometime. Thanks for sharing. Multi-date ... ain't nothing wrong with keeping your options open. Link to post Share on other sites
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