Sad ending

[ilyal]

We broke up yesterday after 3 years relationship so I feel like I need to share this story with you all.

 

Everything started really good, like it always happens I guess.

We were studying in the same school in Europe during our junior year, met in this school and had really good 4 months together. She was my first love, and I was her first love too.

After, I had to fly to the US to continue my school over there.

She loved me so much, and I loved her also, so we decided that we'll go through this LDR and will living together in a few years.

Honestly, it was really hard at the beginning especially because of few reasons:

1. she moved to the bigger city, went to the new school for her senior year, so I always felt insecure even tho I did my best to trust her

2. 7 months (before my flight for the new year holiday) without a girl sounded really horrible to me.

But, I came to the decision to be faithful and (maybe you won't believe me) for 1.5 years in this school in the US, I talked to girls like 4-5 times, only about homework. She swore that she was doing the same thing.

Our first meeting on the New Year holiday was awesome. She was really happy and everything was pretty good.

Next, I came back to the US for 6 more months. Meeting after this period for the first time wasn't really great. It actually was just like if we met in a few days, and not in a few months.

So, last summer I came back. I was in one city, she was in another (if you remember, she moved to this city after I left to the US). We were about 1500 km apart. It was a little better than when I was in the US, but we still only met once in about 2-3 months.

This year she went to the university and I still felt insecure even more maybe.

My insecurity was growing, and another trip to the US for 4 months was coming, so I decided to pay a hacker to hack my girlfriend, so I could be done with my insecurity. I know this is not really good thing, but...

So, I logged in her account, and at first, I was feeling good, since I saw that she didn't reply to some guys messaging her.

But, after reading a dialog with one guy my heart was beating like crazy and I felt really horrible.

This guy was her classmate in her senior year, and now he was studying with her at the same university.

He was flirting a lot, and she didn't mind it at all, replied with some flirting sometimes too. Often she messaged him first. Also, they definitely went home after university with each other (sometimes she was waiting for him, and sometimes he was waiting for her).

Also, I found a bunch of photos when he was hugging her waist, like 10 photos (actually it was like 30 photos - a few on each different location).

The whole thing was happening at least for about 4 months, but the whole messaging history before February 2018 was deleted.

 

Also, she chatted with a girl from her senior year, and I learned that she really liked one guy in her class, and he liked her too, so I don't know what was happening between them.

 

 

During all this time, she told me that she loves me almost every day.

 

Yesterday I wrote her that we need to break up and wished her all the best. She asked me what's wrong, and I didn't want to tell her first, but I decided to tell it in the way like "Tell me about *First name Last name of this guy*, and we'll decide if you can talk to somebody like this when we're dating for 3 years, and we'll decide if we wasted these years"

She replied like "I don't give a **** about him, that's what I say". And in a minute I noticed that she changed the account password. I wished her good luck again, and she said "okay fine", and never tried to explain anything.

 

That's it. 3 years wasted.

 

I don't know what I did wrong. I tried to do everything to make her happy - often sent her flowers to her, or pizza, and gave expensive gifts on different celebrations.

Always was really nice to her, helped with her homework or tests. And, was faithful whole time.

 

F*ck this, that's was I can say about LDR. Never felt so bad in my life.

 

Sorry for my bad English.

[d0nnivain]

LDRs are difficult under the best of circumstances. When you are young & in school they can be even tougher because temptation is everywhere. It's hard to have an SO so far away when you see other couples being together in person, getting to hold each other & talk & cuddle. She probably missed what you two shared when you were in the same school.

 

 

 

That doesn't excuse her betray but it is the explanation.

 

 

You snooping wasn't so great either but you learned the truth. So now you broke up.

 

 

It doesn't mean it was 3 years wasted. You had some good times. You learned about relationships & you learned about how you cope with adversity. Those life lessons are as much a part of college as the academic lessons. Now you are learning how to cope with grief, loss & betrayal. Those lessons are difficult & painful but they are necessary.

 

 

In time the acute pain will fade & you will live to love again.

 

 

Hang in there.

[Adiron]

She changed the account password because you clearly snooped. She no longer trusted you, and for good reason.

 

 

Sounds to me like you didn't have much to go on, yes she was a bit overly friendly with 1 or 2 guys but what do you expect? She was lonely, she liked the attention, but that doesn't mean she was going to cheat on you, in fact none of what your hacker found indicated such.

 

 

What did you do wrong? You let your insecurities get the best of you.

[shydad]

I decided to pay a hacker to hack my girlfriend, so I could be done with my insecurity. I know this is not really good thing

 

I don't know what I did wrong.

I think this was a mistake. It kind of sounds like you understand that as well. It is critically important that trust remain intact in a relationship. Once someone starts snooping, trust can be lost. Next time, before taking any drastic actions, you might want to ask for advice here first. I'm certain most users here would not have advised you to pay a hacker.

 

I agree that the three years were not wasted, though. I think there will always be value from any relationship, even ones that don't last.