How to change this fact

[mortensorchid]

I was googling this just this evening, and I have been told this by many people in the past (not as it relates to dating but in general). I was googling questions that people have asked in the past, either exactly or close to it, of "Why aren't guys attracted to me?". And they say a lot of the same in the things I was googling, and I have been told this in the past, which is "Smile more".

 

People have asked me why I don't smile more. I guess I have no answer to that. It's not that I am not happy (or at least content) but at some point I just decided that I really don't need to smile all that often. I model myself after Daniel Craig as James Bond, just appear in control, mysterious, and dare I say, somewhat dark. This helps maintain a distance between me and others in some ways after being hurt and ripped to shreds as a kid as well as in my early/mid twenties.

 

I also equate smiling thanks to two certain women I used to be friends with. They were bipolar, their moods were like tropical storms - one minute they're fine and the next they would explode in anger. Both of them were very similar people, both were short (5'2 and 5'4). When you are short as a woman the world thinks you're cute. Neither of them were ravishing beauties but they had a certain cuteness in their faces. And they knew that cute little girls who give out cute little smiles get the things they want from others. Neither of them were short of bfs ever, they would attract men like flies to fly paper because of that certain quality they had. And when they had one of their explosions, they would come back with their cute little smiles and say "Oh I was just drunk / high when that happened" and others would roll over and take them back. So I have since equated smiling with their manipulation methods to keep friends / lovers.

 

So if this is a major roadblock with me and others (as in how to attract a man), how do you condition yourself to smile more if you are naturally not inclined to do so?

[basil67]

I would imagine that addressing your cynicism would help you be a more smiley person. And more smile/less cynicism would definitely make you more attractive to others.

 

Sadly, your paragraphs about wanting to maintain a distance and unpleasant comments/cynicism about your ex friends are exactly the type of things which make people stay away. I'm not little and I've never been *cute* and I think your comments about little cute girls being more attractive are rubbish. Out of curiosity, were they both diagnosed bipolar or are you simply labels around?

Edited June 28, 2018 by basil67

[d0nnivain]

Not everyone is a smiler but do opt for a look that is more happy then off putting, brooding or mysterious.

[Lotsgoingon]

Smiling is a fundamental human reaction ... as fundamental as frowning.

 

Might be worth going for some therapy to deal with the pain that prevents you from smiling ...

 

About the two bipolar women ... that story makes no sense ... Lots of people smile ... and yes, there is a cute way certain women smile to put on a face for the world ... so what? ... People who aren't cute and feel powerful and secure and unconcerned about how popular they are also smile ...

 

I don't think the issue is with you not smiling.

 

The issue is the thought process (and pain and experience and withdrawal) that underlies your decision to not smile.

[smackie9]

Having a clean clear positive outlook on life and all you do will attract/ keep quality positive men. when you think and feel the part, you dress, and look the part, people will be drawn to you.

[Versacehottie]

Smiling is a fundamental human reaction ... as fundamental as frowning.

 

Might be worth going for some therapy to deal with the pain that prevents you from smiling ...

 

About the two bipolar women ... that story makes no sense ... Lots of people smile ... and yes, there is a cute way certain women smile to put on a face for the world ... so what? ... People who aren't cute and feel powerful and secure and unconcerned about how popular they are also smile ...

 

I don't think the issue is with you not smiling.

 

The issue is the thought process (and pain and experience and withdrawal) that underlies your decision to not smile.

 

This^^^^ 100%. Maybe someone will appreciate your "dark" and cynical side--there are definitely people who like that. That's a tougher ask though IMO and in general a smaller segment of the population.

 

I think extracting the negative conclusions you've come to about smiley people is a big REACH though. Smiley women are more successful because it's a welcoming gesture, it tends to be prettier and you catch more flies with honey. Stuff like that.

[kendahke]

 

So if this is a major roadblock with me and others (as in how to attract a man), how do you condition yourself to smile more if you are naturally not inclined to do so?

 

I don't.

 

It's not my job to make them feel comfortable with my facial expression.

 

Sometimes smiling at the wrong person starts a whole bunch of mess I don't want to deal with.

[Gaeta]

If I have to look at the same man's face for the rest of my life he better be having a smiling face. It's not different for men.

 

Smiling, laughing, having and expressive, open and welcoming face is so important. Who wants to be surrounded by, pardon my language, b&tch faces?

 

I am a smiling person. When I am out and about people will often come to me for directions, it's no coincidence. Smiling draws people in so imagine how important it is in dating.

 

Our face is the mirror of or soul. Is there anything happy inside that could shine through a smile? Maybe that's why you can't smile, you don't have anything to smile about.

 

 

.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm a sensitive soul, so I tend to go around with a bit of a shield on. But I've learned how to lower it when I want to be more open and receptive to company.

 

The main thing is mood. When I'm lighthearted and smiling, just having fun wherever I go, men and women talk to me more and it's kind of like a little roving party.

 

Another huge factor is dress. When I get a little dolled up and wear a cute dress, lots of energy is coming at me. It still boggles my mind how dramatically just changing your outfit changes perceptions.

[MaleIntuition]

People have asked me why I don't smile more. I guess I have no answer to that. It's not that I am not happy (or at least content) but at some point I just decided that I really don't need to smile all that often. I model myself after Daniel Craig as James Bond, just appear in control, mysterious, and dare I say, somewhat dark. This helps maintain a distance between me and others in some ways after being hurt and ripped to shreds as a kid as well as in my early/mid twenties.

 

You do know that Daniel Craig - and the fictional character he is playing: James Bond, are both men? Not only are they men, but many would argue that they are some of the most stereotypical masculine men in pop culture.

 

Although the concepts of femininity and masculinity can be somewhat vague; they can be used as rough guidelines of traits that the opposit gender - often - find attractive. Smileing, or rather; showing emotion - would fall towards the feminine spectrum.

 

Modelling yourself after a masculine man, doesn’t make sense if you want to attract a man.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

how do you condition yourself to smile more if you are naturally not inclined to do so?

 

You do so by practice, you smile a lot more,

Even if something sucks, smile when you reach that door.

Take the next 30 days and practice smiling until it hurts,

Then start smiling at the guys who come up and flirt!

[Chilli]

l didn't bother going past the smile stuff or Danial Graig because that pretty well says everything you need to know.

Your a women , why in hell would you model after a man , and you don't smile much either.

Ahhhh , most men don't want a man or some serious cold fish, most would like a warm feminine fun women.

 

Anyway you should just be yourself, really , warm up a bit though, but if you wanna use actors ahh , your a female, model yourself after Monro , or Sofia laren , however that's spelt , or an early liz talor, ahh , that was early, a few of the sexiest most alluring women of all time.

 

l could tell that stuff was probably a thing, not getting personal but you've just never sounded warm sorry and that's a huge thing.

Edited June 29, 2018 by Chilli

[preraph]

Most straight guys don't want to date Daniel Craig or James Bond. Maybe a few on James Bond. Probably be intimidated by him, though, or just all slap-happy high-five buddy-buddy, "Way to go, man, duh-hyuck!"

 

Now, I myself have done Clint Eastwood "The Good, the Bad & the Ugly" on occasion, down to steel tipped boots and leather wide-brimmed hat, and I can tell you I'd reserve that for special occasions and mainly with guys who already know you can smile when you want to impress upon them that you aren't doing it now. Like the time I hunted down an old bf (who had made me lose my mind 10 earlier) in a dark Hollywood lounge in the middle of the day after his wife told me where he probably was, the same guy I refused to drive to the airport when he decided to flee Texas after his recent psycho gf set fire to his bedroom using my Valentine to light it. Picture it: the dark lounge, red leatherette booths, the door bursts open and silhouetted in a harsh ray of blinding sunlight (Queue the Ennio Morricone) Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo, She's Heeere.

 

So just saying all that personae stuff is great and it's good to create yourself, but know when to use it. A few guys will get it and appreciate it, but it's still better left for emphasis, more than everyday fare. If you want to meet a guy, smile at him. I recommend a wide toothy mouth stretcher because who can resist that? Who knows? He might later notice and think, "Wow, that girl never smiles, but she just smiled at ME! I am now a Bond boy" --- or something.

Edited June 29, 2018 by preraph