bluenote Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 My wife of 20 odd years has applied for maintenance from me via court. I received summons. This is extremely confusing and shocking. For years I have supported and provided for my family, she has not worked before. I even took out a loan for her to attend nursing school which she finished and started working. She imediately took out two large loans and spend only 1/3 on the house, the rest I don't know where it went, I assume she spend it on her family. Now she feels that she needs maintenance from me, eeven though I still pay for the house, all media/entertainment, house utilities, farming help etc. I am not sure if she is able to use her logic I am so sad with this, I know man do not have any rights in legal system and however this goes I will still end up having to pay, even if the court finds her claim abusive and unreasonable. It is a very long and detailed story and I can't realy write everything, but I need some advise. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 I know man do not have any rights in legal system and however this goes I will still end up having to pay, even if the court finds her claim abusive and unreasonable. I need some advise. This is not true. Get a good lawyer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maraud3r Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Get a good lawyer, also frigging divorce her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 The odd rational of those takers of the world certainly can be a mind warp. Lawyer up with the best you can find. It is well worth the money at a way to shut off the gravy train. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 When you say she's applying for maintenance, is that because you have already separated and/or filed for divorce? Because in those cases, yes, she probably is entitled to spousal support. If she's still married to you, she doesn't need to apply for maintenance because all the assets in the marriage belong to both of you equally, that's what marriage is. So I don't quite understand the question here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Disclose all of the facts you told us to the Court through a lawyer. If your lawyer can prove the court that she is capable of supporting herself because you paid for the nursing degree, you will be obligated to pay less maintenance. Alimony is a available to non-working spouses who sacrificed their careers to support the breadwinner but it is no longer a lifetime thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Staying married to a woman even though you aren't living together was a bad idea. Sure you could get an attorney and try to make the case that you're living apart for many years and she hasn't needed maintenance and that's the status quo that the court should maintain, but you never know what a judge is going to do. Especially if your wife can make the case that things have changed for the worse, she's unable to find work and she needs more money. Given the long term status of the marriage you could be on the hook for the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluenote Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 We are still maried, we still live together although things have not been well for a small while. My wife never sacrificed her carier for me, she was unemployed because she could not find a job, she had only the high school grade qualification before going to nursing school. I work out of town but I do return home monthly, as I have some cattle at a plot nearby home. Like I said, all these years I was lone breadwinner and I made sure everything was well catered for, Its when she finished her nursing studies and started working I asked that she take over only three expenses from me which are food, water and electricity bills, she did that after argument, but after four months she took out thwo loans of a $100 000.00 and $50 000.00, she spend about $48 000.00 on house and kids, the rest I have no idea where it went, I can also not ask anything if I need to avoid argument. I am realy exhousted, diabetic because I sacrificed everything including my health just catering for kids, her and home. I still pay for everything, from the homeloan to house utilities. I suspect she has a man that she support because it is just strange, I also question her logic, reasoning and intentions, I cant understand why she wants money from me, If I already struggle to cater for my own medical bills. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Sounds like a horrible situation where she has taken you for granted and she suffers greatly from the “entitlement” attitude. I agree with the others - get a good lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 It’s pretty common for the money maker of the marriage to pay maintenance, while going through a divorce. Maintenance is different from alimony. The divorce is when you’re negotiating, anyone can ask for anything they want in court & then your attorneys figure it out...doesn’t mean she’s going to get it. Just give all financial documents to your lawyer. Not time to panic yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 We are still maried, we still live together although things have not been well for a small while. Your posts going back over the past 4 years are filled with stories about all these girlfriends you've had. You're quite the busy guy. No wonder your wife is going after you for money. She's probably sick of all the girlfriends you're parading around in front of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Your posts going back over the past 4 years are filled with stories about all these girlfriends you've had. You're quite the busy guy. No wonder your wife is going after you for money. She's probably sick of all the girlfriends you're parading around in front of her. Wow! My guess is she wants at least what he spent 'maintaining' all those women over the years. No wonder he's clueless about her loans and spending habits; he wasn't exactly paying attention. OP, are you in an open marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluenote Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 Well said, sorry for complication, Owner of this account is still kind deep friend and colleague-sory for confussion. But its a very long story how I came to use his account which he allowed me to, said he could not think of what to tell me on my issue, but that he had this account for a community platform, not sure if it still operated since he has not accessed for a whole while, but I could use it to try and get a wider perspective from different people. Oh yes he is now even more convinced not to get maried seeing what I go through, although he is three years older than I am. I will register my own as he told me and I agree, its helpfull. Thanx for the answers, most are real insightfull. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Well said, sorry for complication, Owner of this account is still kind deep friend and colleague-sory for confussion. But its a very long story how I came to use his account which he allowed me to, said he could not think of what to tell me on my issue, but that he had this account for a community platform, not sure if it still operated since he has not accessed for a whole while, but I could use it to try and get a wider perspective from different people. Oh yes he is now even more convinced not to get maried seeing what I go through, although he is three years older than I am. I will register my own as he told me and I agree, its helpfull. Thanx for the answers, most are real insightfull. Who does that? Anyone can register free - why wouldn't you register your own account? Is your wife from the USA? Have you seen a lawyer to file for divorce? How did your wife get two separate loans that large without your signature? What did she use as collateral, the house? Is the house in both names? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Got a report on this thread and did a little checking. All posts, prior and now, are originating from the African continent and moderation believes this to be, as described, two parties using the same account. If the person who started this thread would like to register their own account, feel free to do so and we can copy discussion content to a fresh thread from that account once begun. Alert on this post or the new starting post and we'll fix it up. No other red flags so for purposes of discussion I'll let this thread stand alone as a discussion topic. Please respond to the topical content and ignore threads from the member name in the past as context. Thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 You might want to utilize a good search engine to learn more about how assets are dispersed in your country. Based on what I read here How to Keep Your Assets in a Divorce it does seem like there are some commonalities between the average US divorce, and divorces in South Africa (I used SA as a starting point, for an example only). You can look for your specific location to find more exact information, if needed. I definitely agree with those that suggested that you contact a good solicitor/lawyer. Make sure to have as much proof as possible as to what you have paid, copies of the loans she took out without your knowledge or signature, income and expenditures, etc. A good lawyer should be able to advise you what the best course of action would be, and help guide you through everything. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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