Dodgersfan11 Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 (edited) I've been using the Bumble BFF app to try and make new friends. Awhile back, I met this BFF gal and we met up to take a fitness class together, she seemed friendly and seemed like we could be friends. Then we were texting, and talking about gyms in the area, etc, etc. So, I told her that I had plans to do a membership at a gym in the city, and flat out replied, "That gym is nice, but its too expensive for what I'm looking for." I'm like um ok..that's fine if she thinks that its too pricey for her, but I can afford it and I like that gym, I think that comment was unnecessary. Besides, even if the so called "cheap" gyms aren't cheap. Then, we were texting about our dates that we had coming up. We were both using Tinder, so I told her that I had a date coming up, she asked me where I met him, I told her that I met him on okcupid. Her response was something along the lines of, "Oh, see I think all those guys that are on the those paid dating sites are also on the free dating sites. I don't think I would pay for them." I'm like wtf? Apparently she didn't know that okcupid is a free site, and her snarky comment about where I found my date was kind of rude. As oppose to Tinder??? Geez, I mean, if I told her that I met a guy at a bar, she would probably make a comment about how those guys aren't confident to talk to women, because of liquid courage, yet she thinks Tinder is the greatest way to find dates? Edited July 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Your friend said the gym in NYC was too expensive for her. She knows her budget and knows that particular expense is beyond her abilities and comfort level and was telling you as much. She was speaking about her own wants, needs, and ability to pay for it, nothing whatsoever to do with you and the choices and decisions you make Her second comment, about how most people on the paid sites are also on the free sites, is true as well, and again, has nothing whatsoever to do with you, and the choices and decisions you make. I will make an observation what I've learned about you based on your one and only post. You seem to suffer from feelings of persecution- as in people are judging you and putting you down when whatever they are doing or saying has nothing whatsoever to do with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 I tend to agree with the prior poster. Sounds like you are taking things too personally. If you are so easily offended then finding and keeping meaningful friendships may be difficult. Seems to me like guys don't have these problems in their friendships because they just take things as they come and they don't looking for hidden meaning in every interaction Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 You sound way too sensitive, like you can't be friends with someone who doesn't agree with you about every little tiny thing. There was nothing wrong with any of her comments. Link to post Share on other sites
firestar Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Sorry but seems like you’re being a bit nitpicky with your friend. If she says that a gym is too expensive for her that is her right. She earns less money than you, so it’s natural that she wouldn’t be able to afford this gym. Her comment is not a criticism about your taste in gyms, it’s a comment about her lack of money to be able to join such a fancy cym. But with these situations body language means the most. If she is saying these things and her body language is implying that there is something wrong with you for liking this gym, then maybe is being kind of critical. Honestly, she sounds either poor or stingy and you’re taking her comments way too personally. If she doesn’t want to pay for a dating site because she believes those men are on the free dating sites, it’s her right. It depends on how she is saying these things. Maybe you’re looking for a friend who is less blunt. But I also think at the same time that you need to work on some personal issues. These are not outrageous comments—my friends and I say stuff like this to each other all the time. You might be reading criticism of you where none was intended. That will make it difficult to make new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 If the plan is to take a fitness class together, discussion of what is affordable for both of you is perfectly reasonable. Second conversation was just her opinion. It wasn't about you or your choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Carpe Diem Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Do this woman a favor and end your budding “friendship.” If you’re over analyzing innocuous comments that are everyday normal responses, things will only continue to give you pause in subsequent conversations. Ex ‘She told me she didn’t like action movies after I told her I like action movies. What does this mean? Is she putting me down? Does she think she’s better than me because she prefers drama’s?’ Do you really want this for you and her? When you see trouble brewing, just stop and veer away. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 I doubt this friendship is going to last long. Too incompatible and you're way too sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 It's clear from reading your original post why you've had to resort to an app to make new friends. There is nothing wrong with anything your friend said. Also, doesn't OKC now have a paid version? Maybe she doesn't even know they have a free version. Do you typically over-analyze things everyone else says? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts