What do you consider "shallow"?

[Echo74]

So this has been an ongoing question which has made me curious what others think it means.

 

I'm going to preface this by stating that I've dated men who were Asian, Polynesian, Caucasian and Latino. From that I had pretty much figured out that I prefer one ethnicity over all others because I'm generally attracted to the features of the ethnicity. I also prefer men who are 6 feet and over which is what I'm used to. So does preferring specific ethnicity and preferring tall men make me shallow? I don't feel it does, I feel that it's simply a visual preference. Those who don't mind dating a large mix of ethnicities or couldn't care less about height simply are more open than I am. Doesn't mean I'm shallow and they are not. At least that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

Plus there are men in my preferred ethnicity who would never date someone of my ethnicity and that's okay by me because it's all a personal choice. But why am I tossing out this question? Because I heard someone saying that she "stopped being shallow about dating tall guys" and then she met her husband who is a bit shorter than she (she's 6 ft) is.

[Happy Lemming]

"The heart wants what it wants - or else it does not care" - Emily Dickinson

[Art_Critic]

it's okay to be shallow, the filters we set in dating do however alter our dating pool, so if you haven't any good luck then widen your dating pool by learning to live without some of those filters...

 

I used to only date Blondes.. but wound up marrying a brunette...

Go figure... once I got older I realized hair color means nothing, but tell that to a 22 year old with a woody for blondes..

[Chilli]

So this has been an ongoing question which has made me curious what others think it means.

 

I'm going to preface this by stating that I've dated men who were Asian, Polynesian, Caucasian and Latino. From that I had pretty much figured out that I prefer one ethnicity over all others because I'm generally attracted to the features of the ethnicity. I also prefer men who are 6 feet and over which is what I'm used to. So does preferring specific ethnicity and preferring tall men make me shallow? I don't feel it does, I feel that it's simply a visual preference. Those who don't mind dating a large mix of ethnicities or couldn't care less about height simply are more open than I am. Doesn't mean I'm shallow and they are not. At least that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

Plus there are men in my preferred ethnicity who would never date someone of my ethnicity and that's okay by me because it's all a personal choice. But why am I tossing out this question? Because I heard someone saying that she "stopped being shallow about dating tall guys" and then she met her husband who is a bit shorter than she (she's 6 ft) is.

 

Well , l'd never date women in your ethnicity , because in my O . they're about as shallow as it gets , so does that make me shallow , well l don't really care if it does in some eyes but l need depth and soul in my women.

So it depends on why, get the feeling it has nothing to do with soul for you because you don't sound like a very deep person.

So in your case yeah , it probably is shallow.

[Mr. Lucky]

Doesn't mean I'm shallow and they are not. At least that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

I think a better term is closed-minded. Your preferences for height and ethnicity offer no accounting for the actual person with the characteristics - or lack thereof.

 

So I'll simply say you could be missing out on a lot of great "short" guys outside your designated ethnic group. Your loss...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

So what if you have standards? It doesn't make you shallow.

 

Your man will appreciate how turned on you are by him and any man who doesn't meet your standards won't get that same reaction and is that really fair to them? No it isn't.

 

So stay true to you.

[S_A]

So this has been an ongoing question which has made me curious what others think it means.

 

I'm going to preface this by stating that I've dated men who were Asian, Polynesian, Caucasian and Latino. From that I had pretty much figured out that I prefer one ethnicity over all others because I'm generally attracted to the features of the ethnicity. I also prefer men who are 6 feet and over which is what I'm used to. So does preferring specific ethnicity and preferring tall men make me shallow? I don't feel it does, I feel that it's simply a visual preference. Those who don't mind dating a large mix of ethnicities or couldn't care less about height simply are more open than I am. Doesn't mean I'm shallow and they are not. At least that's the conclusion I've come to.

 

Plus there are men in my preferred ethnicity who would never date someone of my ethnicity and that's okay by me because it's all a personal choice. But why am I tossing out this question? Because I heard someone saying that she "stopped being shallow about dating tall guys" and then she met her husband who is a bit shorter than she (she's 6 ft) is.

 

The men are calling you shallow because you are ruling them out based on criteria that they never had control over, and also because they resent the power of selection that women have. But that's really the source of these "shallow" labels; resentment. And while it is in fact true that it is not the fault of any man that he is short, I don't see it as a reason to be mad at a woman to who chooses to not bare that burden (for lack of a better word).

[basil67]

The men are calling you shallow because you are ruling them out based on criteria that they never had control over, and also because they resent the power of selection that women have. But that's really the source of these "shallow" labels; resentment. And while it is in fact true that it is not the fault of any man that he is short, I don't see it as a reason to be mad at a woman to who chooses to not bare that burden (for lack of a better word).

 

What about the women who make the call of another being shallow?

 

Broadly speaking and not referring to the OP's situation (which I don't know): I don't really care what someone's physical preferences are, but if those preferences precludes a person from dating easily..and then they go and complain about there being no potential partners, I will tell them to stop being so shallow

[Timshel]

I used to only date Blondes.. but wound up marrying a brunette...

Go figure... once I got older I realized hair color means nothing, but tell that to a 22 year old with a woody for blondes..

 

 

Even Norma Jean was a brunette. All a girl needs is a bottle of bleach.

[Leigh 87]

Knowing the type you tend to be most attracted to is not shallow. It's nature.

 

But limiting yourself be default is shallow; I mean, I prefer well build men with loads of tattoos. I tend to be attracted to them more than any other type, hands down. But I was also (when single), open to falling for ANY type!

 

If you are open to genuine connections and find them in a person that is not your usual type - shallow would be thinking " well, I need a guy who is like this or ____ this, so I cannot date this particular guy that I share a genuine connection with despite REALLY liking him as much as I do the usual types, just simply because he is not 6 foot and I have a list that needs to be ticked physically for me to date":sick:

 

I love tattoos but would have been open to falling for a man without them. I think that is the difference between having a tendency to like certain types versus shallowness.

 

My fiancee thinks he is shallow. His premise is: I am shallow cos I only date women I consider hot. They need to be attractive to me, I need to want them 100% and I do not wait around for attraction to grow"

 

I do not think he is shallow for wanting an instant attraction. I need instant too. I mean - he prefers big fake looking breasts (which I DO NOT have) yet he didn't require his future wife or exes to all have big fake breasts or full lips (which he also likes). So again, him going after girls he thinks are "hot" is not shallow, as he does not care if their features are not all a certain way per say - as long as HE finds them "hot" (rather than the rest of society also agreeing with him).

[Leigh 87]

So what if you have standards? It doesn't make you shallow.

 

Your man will appreciate how turned on you are by him and any man who doesn't meet your standards won't get that same reaction and is that really fair to them? No it isn't.

 

So stay true to you.

 

 

This is so true. My ex Andrew from 2013.

 

It is the WORST - when a man (or woman) you're dating doesn't want to rip your clothes off in the same way that truly enamoured person would.

 

I WISH...I WISH he had strayed true to his shallow @ss self, and NOT dated me - a woman who he felt was not hot enough for his standards:sick:

 

He was a shallow guy and I wish he had ONLY stuck to dating women he DID find gorgeous....

 

I had the body and boob size he preferred but I was not tanned, and my face was not "the best":sick:

 

Since me he is marrying the next girl he dated - a model with GG tits and a size 0, 10 years younger. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it -I just wish he had stuck to the "type" of woman that gets him horny, rather than dating a girl (me)who he needed to be drunk or on drugs just to feel horny for.

 

Thankfully I didn't need to be a 10 years younger model look alike in order to be my fiancees "type" and nothing beats being a tad shallow, and going after the type of person who you genitals also approve of!

[Els]

I think a person is shallow when they prioritize looks over all else. When you are thinking about your ideal partner, and the first thing that comes to mind is just a bunch of physical features, you are shallow.

 

 

Pretty much this. I mean, we are all "shallow" to a certain extent, if you take "shallow" to include any preferences that aren't strictly personality-related. And everyone has such preferences. The distinction here, then, is not whether you HAVE those preferences or not, but rather what sort of weight (ahem, pun not intended!) or priority you assign to them, as opposed to personality traits.

[thefooloftheyear]

Nothing is "too shallow" in my eyes...I couldn't care less what the outside world thinks of my choices and if they feel its shallow of me, then they can go pound sand as far as I am concerned..I'm not here to be anyone's good guy or hero, when it comes to this topic..I'm the one that has to live with that choice..And I want what I want, not what the world thinks I should accept..

 

That being said, it is kinda odd how some people place unrealistic demands of prospects when they themselves bring little to nothing to the table in return....Is that shallow? I dunno...Its just not right, imo, i'll just leave it at that..

 

And there is clearly a gender disparity that I have witnessed...Women can dismiss short guys as easily as if they had one eye or were limbless, yet God forbid a guy dismiss a heavy woman...They get bludgeoned for it...

 

TFY

[bathtub-row]

I think the things we’re attracted to are embedded in us and very hard to get past. I once met a guy who initially didn’t strike me as being handsome or anything along those lines. But the more I got to know him, the more I came to appreciate his mind and I fell for him hard. Then he became gorgeous to me.

 

Over the years, I’ve learned that, for me, intelligence is the primary thing that gets my interest. I tend to prefer tall men but height isn’t the biggest factor. I think you should appreciate and honor your preferences in terms of love interests but not use that ruler to measure others in terms of friends, etc.

[bathtub-row]

Nothing is "too shallow" in my eyes...I couldn't care less what the outside world thinks of my choices and if they feel its shallow of me, then they can go pound sand as far as I am concerned..I'm not here to be anyone's good guy or hero, when it comes to this topic..I'm the one that has to live with that choice..And I want what I want, not what the world thinks I should accept..

 

That being said, it is kinda odd how some people place unrealistic demands of prospects when they themselves bring little to nothing to the table in return....Is that shallow? I dunno...Its just not right, imo, i'll just leave it at that..

 

And there is clearly a gender disparity that I have witnessed...Women can dismiss short guys as easily as if they had one eye or were limbless, yet God forbid a guy dismiss a heavy woman...They get bludgeoned for it...

 

TFY

 

I personally think it’s completely understandable if a guy doesn’t want to date someone who’s overweight. I think it’s sad that men can get away with a few more pounds than women but it is what it is. Lol.

[carhill]

Today's online dating presentations, at first glance, IMO meets the urban dictionary's definition of shallow being judging a person strictly on their looks. After applying age/location filters, what results is a catalog of pictures with a link to more biographical information. One can even filter out those who don't have pictures.

 

I participated in online dating before digital cameras were commonplace and when transmitting/viewing pictures was tedious/expensive so contacted a number of ladies where no pictures existed and they were strictly assessed by how their profiles were written and by their demographic information (age, location, etc). The least 'shallow' of those interactions ended up a shock upon meeting, shock that the lady in question was so physically attractive as well. Looks didn't lead but whoa what a bonus.

 

For the OP, the more specific they are about their dating preferences, all else being equal, the thinner their dating pool will become. For a universally attractive person this is less of an issue because they start with a big pool. The less attractive the person is themselves, the more impact the thinning of the pool has on their overall dating experiences. There are fewer, sometimes far fewer, potential compatible matches.

[thefooloftheyear]

I personally think it’s completely understandable if a guy doesn’t want to date someone who’s overweight. I think it’s sad that men can get away with a few more pounds than women but it is what it is. Lol.

 

 

I don't really see that as being true...I mean, most good looking women with good bodies I've been around want good looking men with good bodies...I mean, sure, you have the wallet chaser type of good looking woman that will overlook a lot of things for a black Amex. an E class Benz and a house at the shore, but then that's a whole nuther deal entirely..

 

TFY

[Fair]

Everyone is way too hard on themselves. Quit worrying and live your life with whomever and whatever way you see fit. It's not shallow... it's not anything. It just is.

[anika99]

I don't know if it's shallow OP but it certainly sounds limiting. We all have our preferences. Mine is tall blonde and fair skin. Those guys are my complete opposite as I'm petite with dark hair and olive skin. My very first crushes as a little girl were on tall blonds. Yet I've dated and fallen in love with a variety of guys.

 

If you were to line up a bunch of guys and take a photo and then ask me which one I think is most attractive, for sure I'm going to pick the guy who most closely matches my physical preferences, but if I were to meet all those guys in person the guy I picked out in the photo may not be attractive to me at all. In real life I might find myself most attracted to someone who doesn't match my physical ideal at all. Because attraction is about so much more than physical features, at least to me. The way a man carries himself, his smile and mannerisms, his self confidence and his principles, his humor, all these things and more determine how attracted I will be to a man. If he's reasonably good looking and possesses other great qualities I will likely consider him as a possible mate even if he's not tall and blond. And once I fall in love with a guy he becomes the hottest guy on earth in my eyes.

[bathtub-row]

I don't really see that as being true...I mean, most good looking women with good bodies I've been around want good looking men with good bodies...I mean, sure, you have the wallet chaser type of good looking woman that will overlook a lot of things for a black Amex. an E class Benz and a house at the shore, but then that's a whole nuther deal entirely..

 

TFY

 

Yeah, maybe. But there are those guys who are confident and down-to-earth and have a little bit of a gut and they’re still cute as hell. A woman with a gut just doesn’t seem to have the same charm. Just my opinion, though. Every gender has things to contend with.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I consider anything under 10' shallow, you can usually see the bottom,

Anything over that requires sinkers and depending on the current, a-lot-of-em,

Some may argue that 10' isn't shallow at all and is considered quite deep,

Those are the people that haven't ever fished in a lake with shorelines quite steep!

[SevenCity]

Nothing is "too shallow" in my eyes...I couldn't care less what the outside world thinks of my choices and if they feel its shallow of me, then they can go pound sand as far as I am concerned..I'm not here to be anyone's good guy or hero, when it comes to this topic..I'm the one that has to live with that choice..And I want what I want, not what the world thinks I should accept..

 

That being said, it is kinda odd how some people place unrealistic demands of prospects when they themselves bring little to nothing to the table in return....Is that shallow? I dunno...Its just not right, imo, i'll just leave it at that..

 

And there is clearly a gender disparity that I have witnessed...Women can dismiss short guys as easily as if they had one eye or were limbless, yet God forbid a guy dismiss a heavy woman...They get bludgeoned for it...

 

TFY

 

What’s more interesting is how women primarily dismiss you for something over which you have no control (height, hair).

 

Weight is controllable.

 

I’m with you though. My primary filter for women is looks. That only gets them in the door though... as pretty as they may be I need a lot more than that.

[Gaeta]

It's nothing new. You will have these standards till you meet a guy that turns your blood but happens to be under 6', then your vision of what is attractive will change. That's called experience.

 

As a white woman from a white-white world, I've never thought in my life one day I'd date a black man. I met one at the age of 45 that completely blew my mind!! and my vision of what is attractive changed in an instant. Same thing with height. I liked tall men and one day I came across our bodybuilding national champion, he was 5'6'', let me tell you I only saw FIRE and didn't care if he was 5'6'' or 6'5'' I was in awe!

 

 

.

[preraph]

What about the women who make the call of another being shallow?

 

Broadly speaking and not referring to the OP's situation (which I don't know): I don't really care what someone's physical preferences are, but if those preferences precludes a person from dating easily..and then they go and complain about there being no potential partners, I will tell them to stop being so shallow

 

That's the crux of it. I mean, I was shallow in that I went for looks a lot when young, but I also thought a couple of guys were hot that hardly anyone else did, but I did like some really good lookers, though. So I had that problem. A person who gets lonely/horny enough will likely start thinking a broader range of people are attractive. But like Basil said, if they don't, that's a problem they probably just need to shut up about and realize they have a conflict they aren't able to resolve.

 

I never understood women who only liked tall guys. I mean, we all like tall guys, but it's not like other heights aren't also able to be attractive. I never liked it when guys only liked petite girls either. I mean, I actually see this as cowardly, so I read into it, which may be unfair. Tall girls had their day when it was associated with being model-like, but no one seems to want them anymore. I know a really beautiful blonde (used to know) who got some guys but she had to really work on them because they were afraid of her stature.

 

To answer the original question, for me personally, I define someone shallow as someone who will only wear designer clothing and must have the latest everything to feel good about themselves, and unless those people are very rich and money is no object, then I see them as people with such bad self-esteem that they need props to make themselves feel worthy. I knew a guy who exemplified that once, and he had a fun personality sometimes but always dissolved into a blathering drunken unhappy mess eventually. He had no money (I know because he was my assistant) but he spent it on anything with showing a label on the outside. Now, I actually am embarrassed to wear anything with a label showing. Like I remove the patch from Ralph Lauren blazers...hate logos.

But everyone is different.

[bathtub-row]

The thing is, I’m very impressed with looks in the sense that I appreciate a beautiful or handsome face for the sheer beauty of it - like looking at fine art. But it by no means means that I think they’re automatically dating material. I have to learn about a person before I make that decision. But I love crushing on guys that are exceedingly handsome. It’s fun but I have no idea what they’re really like. I just enjoy the moment.

 

I was watching the movie The Last Samurai the other day with my sister. In that movie, Tom Cruise has long hair, which I love on men. I said, “Dang, the guy is a bit of a fruitcake but he is just SO good looking. I mean, just his face alone.” Then, of course, my sister gets into a discussion about him being gay, etc. Bottom line - I couldn’t care less. He looked gorgeous in that movie and it made my heart pitter-patter just a bit when he was sitting on that horse with his hair blowing in the wind.