Annalie Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 (edited) I am impulsive and tend to ruin my relationships. But i want to work on myself and change. This time I want to think before i act. So, I am interested to see how most people would deal with this situation... My best friend recently met a girl who is a paralegal and I happened to need help to fill out and file some documents. I asked my friend to ask her if she would be willing to help over the phone (for a certain compensation, of course). To make the story short, she agreed, we spoke on the phone and I sent her the money using quick pay (even before the work was done, because I like to do my part of the deal properly). We agreed to go over the papers last night at 8pm. I had to cancel certain plans but whatever... At 7.30pm, I get a text message that she is too tired, and had a stressful day and if i could suggest another day that would be ok with me. I admit I was beyond tired and stressed that day, her text irritated me and I responded with "Monday?" Never got a reply. Now, I understand that one word response wasn't ideal but wasn't too bad, and I wasn't the one cancelling our "appointment." I guess I have no tolerance for not respecting other people's time and in general, not respecting other people. This morning, all I want to do is tell her to forget about helping me out and just give me my money back. However, I am hesitant to do so because of my friend. Additional info: Long time ago when I was a server, this same friend helped me find a job at a restaurant. It turned out owners were total idiots and I left without even saying anything. I did feel bad and I understood it put my friend in a weird, awkward situation since she recommend me. (Again, i asked to be recommended, knowing that owners were idiots but the money was good. However, I didnt expect them to make me quit my other job and then drastically cut my hours within the first week (essentially not honoring the terms we agreed upon). As I needed a full time job, I immediately left. But that is another story. How would you handle paralegal situation? Edited June 29, 2018 by Annalie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 I am impulsive and tend to ruin my relationships. But i want to work on myself and change. This time I want to think before i act. So, I am interested to see how most people would deal with this situation... My best friend recently met a girl who is a paralegal and I happened to need help to fill out and file some documents. I asked my friend to ask her if she would be willing to help over the phone (for a certain compensation, of course). To make the story short, she agreed, we spoke on the phone and I sent her the money using quick pay (even before the work was done, because I like to do my part of the deal properly). We agreed to go over the papers last night at 8pm. I had to cancel certain plans but whatever... At 7.30pm, I get a text message that she is too tired, and had a stressful day and if i could suggest another day that would be ok with me. I admit I was beyond tired and stressed that day, her text irritated me and I responded with "Monday?" Never got a reply. Now, I understand that one word response wasn't ideal but wasn't too bad, and I wasn't the one cancelling our "appointment." I guess I have no tolerance for not respecting other people's time and in general, not respecting other people. This morning, all I want to do is tell her to forget about helping me out and just give me my money back. However, I am hesitant to do so because of my friend. Additional info: Long time ago when I was a server, this same friend helped me find a job at a restaurant. It turned out owners were total idiots and I left without even saying anything. I did feel bad and I understood it put my friend in a weird, awkward situation since she recommend me. (Again, i asked to be recommended, knowing that owners were idiots but the money was good. However, I didnt expect them to make me quit my other job and then drastically cut my hours within the first week (essentially not honoring the terms we agreed upon). As I needed a full time job, I immediately left. But that is another story. How would you handle paralegal situation? You should require her to work or ask her for your money back, Since it's not a large amount, shouldn't throw your finances out of whack, It's always a risk to ask friends for help, especially if they're known to back out, Next time she agrees to help, pay her after her services, not before she pouts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annalie Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 You should require her to work or ask her for your money back, Since it's not a large amount, shouldn't throw your finances out of whack, It's always a risk to ask friends for help, especially if they're known to back out, Next time she agrees to help, pay her after her services, not before she pouts. You misunderstood me. i am sorry, if I was confusing. It was a friend of my friend. One day my friend was telling me how this girl is helping her to fill out some documents and I said "oh I need help with my paperwork as well. Do you think you can give her my number and ask her how much it would be to help me." So, my friend did ask her and gave me her number. The problem is they are good friends too. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 You misunderstood me. i am sorry, if I was confusing. It was a friend of my friend. One day my friend was telling me how this girl is helping her to fill out some documents and I said "oh I need help with my paperwork as well. Do you think you can give her my number and ask her how much it would be to help me." So, my friend did ask her and gave me her number. The problem is they are good friends too. You paid for her help, she didn't help you out yet, I didn't misunderstand nor did I forget! Require her to help you, or ask for your money back, For it seems her ability to keep appointments is something she lacks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annalie Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 You paid for her help, she didn't help you out yet, I didn't misunderstand nor did I forget! Require her to help you, or ask for your money back, For it seems her ability to keep appointments is something she lacks! Yeah, i don't know anything about that paralegal and whether she can keep her appointments. I am annoyed by the fact that she never got back to me after i replied. I just know that I would rather do the work myself than being treated this way. When I cancel an appointment (especially if someone has paid me already) i sincerely apologize and go out of my way to make up for it. So, I am beyond irritated that she just decided not to reply to my text and not reschedule the appointment. So, at this point, i have no desire to work with her anymore, but again, she is a friend of my friend and I am trying to be nice and control myself before I email her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 You have a professional relationship with her & paid for her time. No matter whether your mutual friend is her friend, her parent, her lover or her customer, she doesn't get to keep your money without performing the talk you paid for. Stop texting. Call her. Set a time. Get it done & never use her again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Call her to set an appointment, when it's done with do not use friends of friends for professional services anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 ^ that right there. I mean, I'm sure if she dared say something to your friend, which i doubt, he'd say "Then give him his money back." But don't put him in the middle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annalie Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 (edited) I have an update and it seems like I just can't win. As you remembered I paid this person upfront and she rescheduled our appointment and never replied to my text. So, instead of getting all upset and demanding money back, blah, blah, I reached out again (didn't call because I wasn't sure if she could talk. She called me after that and apologized saying how busy she was. I suggested we talk sometime during the weekend but she said she has her regular clients during that time and can't fit me in. OK. So, I suggested Tuesday and she said she might be flying to my city on Tuesday so she can't promise even Tuesday. Then, she suggested we meet in person and finish this paperwork. Working in person vs over the phone sounds better and I agreed. So, Tuesday, Wednesday.. i never heard from her. On Thursday (around two pm), I texted her to give me my money back (I informed our mutual friend that I will demand my money back). I knew Thursday she wouldnt call me and Friday even if she was still in town, I have to work 12 hour shift. She replied "no problem, you will get your money immediately, I was planning to meet with you, but I am glad it turned out this way." I kept calm and said "no problem, thanks for refund." So, the entire days goes by and no money in my bank account. Today, I sent two more text messages... nothing. So, eventually, I called the bank and they said they would investigate the claim but nothing much they could do since it was quick pay. The only way was to file a police report. I texted her that the claim with the bank has been filed and if I have to I will file a police report and go to court on Monday. 30 min later I received my money with the text saying that I am psycho and that I need to work on myself. I just don't understand. I know I am impulsive but I don't think I did anything wrong here. Edited July 6, 2018 by Annalie Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 . 30 min later I received my money with the text saying that I am psycho and that I need to work on myself. Maybe it was a confession . . . . 'cause she certainly sounds like the one who could stand some improvement. I'm glad you got your money back but now you still need somebody to do your paperwork. Perhaps check a cite called Task Rabbit. Sometimes you can find people to help on there. Do not pay up front this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annalie Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 Maybe it was a confession . . . . 'cause she certainly sounds like the one who could stand some improvement. I'm glad you got your money back but now you still need somebody to do your paperwork. Perhaps check a cite called Task Rabbit. Sometimes you can find people to help on there. Do not pay up front this time. Thanks Don, I might check them out later. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I have a history of being the friend of a friend who does services for people. I've never asked to be paid up front (for labor) and no one has offered to do so. I would say that was your only mistake in this situation: Paying up front. I think you were more than lenient with the paralegal. She was unprofessional several times over. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Yes, don't pay people ahead of time. Glad you got your money back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annalie Posted July 7, 2018 Author Share Posted July 7, 2018 Yeah, even my friend (mutual friend) agreed it was stupid and lesson learn. I just can't believe that even a complete stranger turned this again on me and how I need to work on myself (meaning control myself). I worked really hard to be lenient and understanding but I can't take that kind of disrespect. I am seriously worried that our mutual friend (who is my best friend) will eventually get tired of my issues with others. But I have no doubt I did the right thing, even when I mentioned a police report because I have had enough at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
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