MyWifeForAYear Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 Hi all, A few weeks ago my wife (Of 11-months) sat me down and told me that she's not in love with me anymore. She says that I'm perfect, and that she doesn't know why she feels the way she does, but never-the-less she's not in love with me anymore. She started working at this really fun software company, and started hanging out with a bunch of the people she works with after work, but she swears she's not cheating on me. I want to believe her, and I try not to get jealous, but it hurts my feelings that she doesn't want to invite me along. A few months ago, she was checking her email on my computer, and forgot to close a few screens that had messages on them. One of the emails was from a guy she works with that said "This weekend is going to be the longest weekend ever, I can't wait to see your sweet swet ass on Monday." She claims that they are just friends, and that everyone jokes like that where she works, but I don't buy that for a second. Even if it's just inter-office flirting, I don't fell comfortable with any guy talking to my wife that way. Since then, she's decided she doesn't want to have kids, and prefers hanging out with her friends from work than with me. I wish I wasn't so jealous, and I never remember being this jealous in the past, but this is ruining our marriage, and I don't really know how to get us back to the way we used to be. We've been together for almost 4-years now, we just got married in October, bought a really nice house in June, and she just got a brand new 2005 4Runner last month. She has everything she's wanted, yet she's still not happy. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Hello, This is such a sad story. It sounds like your wife is at the very least flirting big time. You have been married less than a year and she tells you that she is not in love with you? I think the chances are pretty good that she is seeing someone on the side. How nice that she gets all of these great things from you and then tells you that she simply no longer loves you. This is such bull-****. I would see a lawyer and seek out an annulment. You clearly made a poor choice in marrying her. It really sounds like she played you. Please protect yourself financially. You deserve someone so much better than her. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 A usual situation with a extramarital affair- the partners involved hate the weekends- especially when they work together. That is because the affair partners go home to the spouse or other partner on the weekend and there is often not enough time to sneak around with your affair partner. For instance, alot of other women hate weekends, they know their other man is with his wife and family that weekend. Particularly if they are single. I'm sure it's probably the same way with other men who are involved with married women. More is going on here that she's telling you. I'd investigate and find a good lawyer. A year is not a very long time for her to already be doing this and I suspect you're setting yourself up for heartache if you stay with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 The millionth post to prove that marriage is a detrimental business arrangement, solved only by elaborate pre-nup agreements. Seriously, the above comments seem accurate -- give her some credit that she approached you with her feelings. Rather than worry about the cheating, just offer to go your separate ways (obviously, with no economic support for her) and get it done ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I'd be jealous, so would anyone I know, so don't be hard on yourself.What was mentioned on her email goes well beyond buddy buddy talk,totally inappropriate! You sound like a decent guy, your true to yourself and your wife.I hate to say this but it doesn't sound good at all and what your wife is doing is inconsiderate, selfish and just plain wrong. Her good point is she is telling you! Better now than going through hell for two or three years. Who ever knows why some people are never happy, the point is why should you be with someone like that.You'll never know when they are sincere or when they are just going through the motions.You are wrong about one thing ,she doesn't have everything she wants and she might never have enough to keep her happy. I feel for you! As BryanP said, you have got to protect your self now, if you don't in 5 years from now you'll still be kicking your self. Good Luck and keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Hire a PI, install a keylogger on the computer, get some solid proof and when you get it decide what you want to do: ask her to end the affair and go to marriage counseling, or hand her divorce papers. Either way, as long as there is doubt in your mind you will not be ready to make any solid decisions. In terms of decisions like these, it is of absolute importance that you have all the proof you need. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I think the time to ask the hard questions is upon you. Put the work situation aside and ask your wife what she wants. She says she is not in love with you any more....well how come? Is there anything you can do to help her fall in love again? What caused her to fall out of love? Is she willing to go to marriage counceling and fight for this marriage? You need to ask all these questions and get a handle on her intentions. That should be number one on the agenda and not trying to figure out what she is doing at work. I don't want to discourage you but this story is all to familar to me. I was married to my exwife of 6 months when this very thing happend to me. We had been together for 6 yrs prior to that and lived together for over 4 yrs before getting married. She told me 6 months after she we got married that she was not in love with me but that she loved me more like a brother and best friend. I found a flirtaish birthday card from a guy a work in her car that had me suspicious she was doing something at work that was the reall culprit to may marriage falling apart. She swore it off and insisted it had nothing to do with our marriage going south. We got divorced and agreed that we were better off as friends and that we only got married because it seems like the next step after being together for 6 years. It was easy to believe in all this because it was the only thing that made sense as to why she wasn't in love with me. Long story short she is now married to the guy that I found the birthday card from and pregnant. Did I think something was going on yes, but the important thing was to figure out my marriage first and whether or not we would fight to save it. Link to post Share on other sites
PlayedUK Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 sounds like she has (at least) grown apart... try to recapture some of the magic you had before getting married... look at what this other guy is offering her thats diffrent to what you have to offer.... she may have a realisation in her own time.... do something for yourself though... gym, weights, exercise... it will improve your shape and make you psychologically stronger (more confident)... if shes not interested, atleast you'll have other options Link to post Share on other sites
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