ItsAllConfusing Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) My bf of almost 3 months has always been there for me. He always makes time to see me. We see eachother 4 times a week or more after work. Since Friday he has been busy (moving, spending time with his son, doing his activist work and visiting relatives). We haven't seen each other since Thursday nor have we talked or texted much. We spoke last night for 40 minutes, he told me to call as soon as I woke up, I messaged him. Almost 10 hours later I have not heard from him, Friday was the same way. He did post two messages on FB today (he's a popular activist). By tomorrow he should be settled and more available. He's moving to my town, right down the street from me. Am i being too needy, expecting too much? I don't spam text or call, I play it cool. I trust him but I miss him. Any thoughts on this? He's calling now... Edited July 2, 2018 by ItsAllConfusing Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 My bf of almost 3 months You're at the point right now in this involvement where the "on their best behavior" representatives are being dismissed and the "real you/real him" are coming to the fore. This is when weak foundation relationships begin to fail because one or both are no longer on their best behavior and are relaxing back into who they actually are---and who he actually is might be incompatible with who you actually are. If it lasts past 7-8 months, then it stands a better chance of going the distance. His activism is his work, right? So it stands to reason that he would post because it's part of his job to build awareness for whatever his cause is. That's a separate thing from your relationship, so don't conflate the two or use it as a measuring stick to what his actual interest in you is. Right now, learn tool to self-soothe and not allow your neediness to grab you by the throat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) I think three months is definitely at a point where you want to talk/text on the days you can't see each other. He can take 5 minutes to text and say he's thinking about you ... He can take 5 minutes 2 or 3x a day ... So no, you're not being needy to want steady connection. I sense that everyday contact ... even if brief ... is just the norm these days ... and definitely not too much to ask for ... I've been in thoroughly mediocre relationships ... with ambivalent people ... and they stayed in daily contact. So pay attention ... maybe this is a phase ... maybe he's a distancer. Since you're clearly feeling a bit insecure and needy about this ... here's how to approach ... you don't want to "ask" him to contact you daily. You want to TELL him that you expect to talk to him daily ... even if for only 5 minutes. Yes, you'll probably feel nervous saying this ... don't worry. Say it anyway. And if this is too much "work"--as opposed to pleasure and joy--for him to do with enthusiasm, he ain't the guy for you. Edited July 5, 2018 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) I'm starting to understand why your daughter may not like this guy... why are you so needy of male attention? Seeing each other four times a week or more after work is a lot, considering that you both work (I'm assuming) and you have children. And, why is he moving down the street when you have only been dating for three months? That's crazy! I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, he lives five minutes away, we both work and he has a child and we don't see each other that much. In fact, he has his son this week and I haven't seen him all week, although we do have plans to do something together with his son this weekend. May I suggest again, you are moving way to quickly with this guy... There are no healthy boundaries here... Be careful with this, you are a parent and your primary focus should be on your daughter! Edited July 5, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 To me him not contacting you when he said he would is a pretty big red flag, especially considering he posted to FB in those 10 hours. I dated a guy like that LD for 6 months and communication really sucked, he would forget to text/call despite being able to post to FB. Found out he wasn't all that into me. See what happens, but personally this doesn't look good. Link to post Share on other sites
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