Fair Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Still have a friendship/bordering on romance with a man who has been around helping me during my time off work with anxiety. He's been beyond sweet, bringing me flowers, food, fixing things, calling and messaging me on fb in between it all... being very attentive. It hasn't stopped but this weekend noticed more than once that though my fb messages have been marked as 'delivered', he doesn't bother to read them immediately like he always did before. I feel a bit anxious about this, as if it's a sign he might be cooling off or perhaps he's more interested in someone else. Or perhaps, being off work sick, he's getting complacent about me as someone he thinks he's won and isn't going anywhere. It's a long weekend here in Canada... just can't help but wonder what's up. Twice now he's gone for hours without reading my messages though he's always got his cell phone with him and always read them instantly, before. Am I just being too anxious, considering that I do have anxiety... or would anyone else think this is suspect? Honestly, I want to know for sure he's not interested in someone else but we're not in a relationship, and don't know how to ask. It's just that, he's been giving me the impression there's more between us than just friendship and says he wants to be together with me when I'm well... and I want that too. I don't want to find out in the end he's been toying with my feelings or that he's found a better prospect while I sit here alone. I don't know how to navigate these waters... it's a friendship but also has an emotional/romantic aspect... but I have so many worries. I fear that while he's out and about talking to people he's got everyone and their dog telling him to be careful about getting too involved with an 'emotionally unstable' woman, or something. I don't know how to talk to him about my fears or if I should or what. I don't want to drive him away, but don't want to be left bereft if he wanders off and blindsides me before I'm well enough to date. Opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 He's been beyond sweet, bringing me flowers, food, fixing things, calling and messaging me on fb in between it all... being very attentive. Opinions? Your anxiety is getting the better of you. Analyze his interest by what he does in the real world -- flowers, home repair, food, etc not the pace at which he responds to you on social media. Social media is a virtual world. Do not put much stock in it, especially when the real measure of the man seems to be outstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 If you can enjoy his attention and him doing things for you, I don't see why you can't enjoy a kiss with him and give him some hope. If you have a hopeless anxiety in regards to sex and relationships, you better come clean and let him off the hook because no one has a real long attention span. I can't remember all your story, but if you are seeing a psychiatrist and working on it, people will be more patient. But again, I don't see how him gifting you isn't anxiety producing but showing him some affection is. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 You've listed plenty of things he's doing for you. What are you doing to keep his interest? The best way to minimize his chances of finding a better prospect is to demonstrate that you are the best prospect. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Have you indicated your interest to him as well? That seems like the best way forward, rather than sitting around worrying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fair Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 You've listed plenty of things he's doing for you. What are you doing to keep his interest? The best way to minimize his chances of finding a better prospect is to demonstrate that you are the best prospect. I've expressed concern about this directly to him and he says he doesn't want anything in return, that it's about not about getting anything back, it's about friendship. Although, he made it clear he wants me when I'm better and he doesn't care how long it takes, he'll be here for me through all my ups and downs. So, I agree with Donn0vain at this point about my anxiety getting the better of me. I think I've got a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fair Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 If you can enjoy his attention and him doing things for you, I don't see why you can't enjoy a kiss with him and give him some hope. If you have a hopeless anxiety in regards to sex and relationships, you better come clean and let him off the hook because no one has a real long attention span. I can't remember all your story, but if you are seeing a psychiatrist and working on it, people will be more patient. But again, I don't see how him gifting you isn't anxiety producing but showing him some affection is. So you suggest I kiss him? That would pretty much be starting something I'm not ready for, and he wants me to be sure I'm ready. I'm certainly working on my anxiety and he knows that and is patient to the moon and back. And I have given him hope about a relationship in the future. He knows very well how I feel. I guess I just had a moment of irrational worry and posted before I thought it through. At this point, all is well. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I've expressed concern about this directly to him and he says he doesn't want anything in return, that it's about not about getting anything back, it's about friendship. Although, he made it clear he wants me when I'm better and he doesn't care how long it takes, he'll be here for me through all my ups and downs.It's not about him not wanting anything in return right now. It's about you being the no-brainer choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fair Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 (edited) I just wanted to point out that the real danger of posting in these forums is the risk you take by opening up to strangers and inviting hits, intentional or otherwise, to your self esteem by the opinions of strangers. Especially if they happen to be bitter and jaded and it colors their opinions. Not everyone here will want to see you happy, strangers or not. I hope everyone who posts here remembers that. I realized after further contemplation on this matter that I don't have to give this guy anything and should have known I HAVE been giving even before he pointed it out to me himself. He is in my life and cares because he SEES me... and values me as a person. And it's this that he's getting... the value I can give to him by the simple fact of being the kind of person I am. It's a fallacy the only way you can give back is through something material or sexual. If the right one shows up all you have to do is give your friendship and affection and appreciation. There won't be any 'you owe me's" involved with someone who truly cares. My friendship IS enough despite what some have suggested. It should be enough for any of us, to be loved for who we are alone, and the gift we bring to the table just by being ourselves. Anyone who doesn't see our friendship and love as a HUGE gift in and of itself isn't worthy of us. It's taken me a lot of years and disappointments to find someone like this. I'm not going to let my anxiety ruin it or stir it up more by posting about it in the forums again. Thanks anyway for your thoughts. Edited July 2, 2018 by Fair Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 He's been beyond sweet, bringing me flowers, food, fixing things, calling and messaging me on fb in between it all... being very attentive. Flowers?? Yes, he is courting/wooing you. If he was just brought you food, then there may be some ambiguity, but flowers... yea, he likes you. I don't know how to navigate these waters... it's a friendship but also has an emotional/romantic aspect... Next time he comes over with food and flowers, meet him at the door wearing your prettiest negligee. He'll get the message. Am I just being too anxious, considering that I do have anxiety... or would anyone else think this is suspect? Opinions? You are just being anxious, relax, have fun with life. All is good!! Oh and Happy "belated" Canada Day!! I saw "Canada Day" on my calendar, yesterday when I flipped the page from June to July. Blue skies... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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