Red flags?

[yaya1289]

I am sensing red flags for sure but I want some thoughts. I am a single mother and I've started dating my long time friend (lets call him T). T was my childhood "boyfriend"; puppy love, we are now in our 30's. We went our separate ways married, divorced etc. but maintained the friendship and was/is considered a long time family friend. We've sparked a romantic relationship in recent weeks, i'd say about 6 weeks. I make close observations when dating given I have children and my decisions affect them, a potential partner is something I take very seriously. T is someone who is no stranger to my children, he is often invited by my mother for BBQ's and the occasional holiday. With that said, the moment romantic interest was expressed I noticed a shift in his attitude towards my eldest son, before this he did not interact with my son much.

 

My son has sensory sensitivities and transitional difficulties, it is something I work with him on a daily, he's made tremendous progress and is no longer in need of therapy. Other than that he's a normal (6 year old) active boy, always on the go. On the flip side he has moments where he completely melts away into his toys/game quietly submerged into his activity for hours.

 

Now to my concerns, here is where I sensed red flag #1 concerning T and my son, my family and I were celebrating my children's birthday, a dual birthday. T would repeatedly correct my son for every infraction, regardless how big or small. He would often tell my son he needed to learn to behave like a "man". It was my son's party, a small get together, I expected rambunctious behavior. My family observed this (I did too) privately they expressed concerns about T's constant firm corrections. Red flag #2 I discussed my concerns with his corrections and asked that he please allow me to parent and for now that he focus on building a relationship with the children. It turned into a fight, he became defensive, insulted my parenting and implied that if we were to ever move in together things would be done his way (parenting wise). T said that his ways of parenting produced a well behaved son (his 5 year old son) the problem is, he is not raising his son. His son lives states away, T sees his son periodically and at most once or twice a month, it has been this way for the last 4 years. Red flag # 3 His marriage ended 4 years ago, he was married to a single mother who also had a son, he in fact did raise the step son unlike his biological son. T speaks negatively about his ex step son, he will often say "he loves him and misses him" but he will only speak highly of his biological son. I pointed this out to him and he says it is because he was raising him and knows these things, whatever that means. Red flag #4 I have never heard his step son look for him, I've asked in discreet ways if his step son wants to spend time with him, T says no, that his step son does not look for him nor does the step son pick up his phone calls.

 

I addressed all of these concerns with him and he's cooled off with how he approaches my son however he will still make comments when i'm doing the correcting or if he hears my son playing in the background when on the phone w/ me. I have pretty much checked out of the potential relationship no matter how much he tries to woo me. He wants to move at hyper speed, speaks of the future too much for my comfort and at times I catch a temper problem which he tries very hard to hide but unfortunately for him, I've made enough mistakes to know when something does not feel right.

 

Would you consider these red flags too?

[FMW]

Absolutely! Listen to your gut. And your family! I don't see this being a good situation for your son.

 

It's only been six weeks, he's way overstepping his boundaries and that does not bode well for the future. You clearly have different ideas about parenting and that would be a big problem for any LT relationship. Not to mention that he apparently has a poor track record in parenting and therefore no credibility.