I lost her because I was desperate

[MarcoInaros]

I learned a sad lesson. A lesson that might have cost me a friendship, maybe more. I am an extreme introvert, 25, and haven't kissed a girl.

 

Last month a new girl started to work part time in the same establishment that I did. As the days passed she smiled at me more and more and I could have sworn she was flirting with me. She said that she liked my smile and that I had a nice haircut, and one time as I was leaving she said that she didn't want me to leave. I smiled at her and tried to get to know her, and I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me without hesitation. I tried calling her and left a message but she didn't call back, I suppose because she was gone for the weekend. When I saw her at work again I told her playfully that she was difficult to get ahold of and I just asked her if she wanted to go out on some certain days. She said that I was a great guy but that she didn't date coworkers. Reasonable enough.

 

Then about two weeks later, as I was leaving she asked me what my plans were that night. I froze because of my shyness and really didn't know what to say so I said I had no plans. She said well I hope you have fun no matter what you do and left. I could have asked if she wanted to hang out but I didn't.

 

I didn't see her for about a week because she kept calling in sick for some reason. Since it was wracking my brain that I could have asked her to hang out sometime and maybe she wanted to I decided to call her and ask if she was all right (my other coworker friend urged me to do this also). I was so nervous that while I was talking to her I might have babbled and may have sounded overly concerned. I asked her if she ever wanted to hang out after work and she said sure and that she would call me back on Sunday. She sounded annoyed at the end of the call. After I hung up I had the sickening feeling that I sounded desperate and I may have made things horribly complicated at work.

 

Well here it is Thursday and she still hasn't come to work or called me. I think she is going to be fired for job abandonment and I have no idea where she is or what shes doing. Which is a shame because I would have really liked to have gotten to know her. She might be avoiding work because I called her, which makes me very depressed. Or she could be gone for an entirely different reason. She had a radiant smile, was beautiful and we might have shared some interests. But I am not sure if I did the right thing by calling her and I just cannot understand her behavior. I am utterly confused. Thanks for any input, Ill update the situation as it goes on.

[sundrop]

I'm not really sure what took place in your conversations, but I couldn't imagine after two phone calls she would get annoyed with you.

Heck, if a guy called me and asked me out I would feel flattered, but I also woundn't date a co-worker again either. Did that once and it got uncomfortable.

Do you know why she is absent from work? Is she sick or having family issues?

[Silvergun]

"She said that I was a great guy but that she didn't date coworkers."

 

i think you should've gotten the hint. in other words, it's a possibility that she isnt interested in you. everytime when a girl says something similar to what she said, it's not a very good thing.

 

She sounded annoyed at the end of the call.

 

this could be many things, not because of the phone conversation you had with her. but either way, this doesnt sound good.

 

 

ok, after all of this, she's been away from work for a few days. i dont know if this is just me but it sounds like she is avoiding work to "possibly" avoid you. i may be completely wrong but it seems like it. if and when she does come back to work and you gets this weird/awkward vibe from her when talking to her, it's best to move along and just be friends with her and nothing more.

[Saidar]

Lostjeff, I'm exactly like you. But I'm starting to learn fast. I'm also an extreme introvert, I'm 18 and also haven't kissed a girl. The thing you got to learn is this: Forget about your bloody shyness(that's an introvert's biggest problem) walk to her, and ask her out for the night etc. I know it's very hard, but a way to overcome your shyness is to concentrate on her and try to get excited. That will help overcome the shyness. Try not to get cornered by a girl you like. That's always where you make a BIG mistake.

So my advice is: Call her, try to sound like you know what you are doing, ask her why she isn't coming to work, and ask her if you can come and visit her. If she she shows no interest in you, then try to forget about her and find someone else.(but maybe she is just as shy as you are, so give her an opportunity to say yes for a date).

Good luck

[Zephyr45]

I'm not sure you can really blame yourself for anything. She liked you, at least platonically, and she gave you her number without hesitation. You called her, then had the "I don't date coworkers" discussion, and she still kept coming into work. Then after a couple weeks she stopped coming to work. Then you called again, and she continued to be absent from work. The timeline there just almost completely absolves you of being responsible for her abandoning work. Don't sweat that.

 

My guess is that she liked you as a co-worker/friend only, she quit the job for personal reasons, and either a) has blown you off because she senses you like her romantically which makes things a little awkward - enough for her just to blow you off, or b) she has personal issues/reasons for leaving work and since you work there or just because it's a family/personal issue she's doesn't want you to know about it.

 

I'm not sure you can do anything at thist point. Just let it go, and don't sweat it. I doubt you are at fault for anything. Chalk it up to experience; look at the bright side. You got a chick's number. She was a flake. Live and learn.

[fundamental]

Maybe it's a good thing that you didn't get to know her; things happen for a reason!!!

[RainyDayWoman]

you don't know her well, and you don't know why she's missing work. maybe it's cause she's sick, maybe it's something else entirely.

 

in any case, she has your number. let her call you.

[MarcoInaros]

you don't know her well, and you don't know why she's missing work. maybe it's cause she's sick, maybe it's something else entirely.

 

in any case, she has your number. let her call you.

 

Thats exactly how I feel. The ball is in her court now and I don't have to think about it any more. However I think she will be coming back to work, I just have no idea then. We will see how this progresses and I'll update if needed.

 

Thank you all, and you too Zephyr45, your comments are always insightful.

[fiatflux]

I don't think her staying away from work has ANYTHING to do with you. I think Zephyr45's logic is flawless.

 

Wait until the matter of her working there is resolved one way or the other (i.e., either she comes back, or is fired). Assuming she is fired, you might give it a little more time and then call her. At least then she can't use the "coworker" excuse anymore... lol.

 

Good luck.