I chose the other path. I got revenge.

[Passionfruit500]

I wrote some days ago I did the same, disclosed A to wf 2 weeks ago. My period was also late, I was scared.. tested negative and 2 days later I had my period. But during those 2 days I was thinkging about my options. And I was sure even if it's hearbreaking and I am not pro-abortion, that I wouldn't have kept it. As the kid would remind you of MM , how he cowardly left you. And you would do all without support from him, this is degrading . And eventually if his WF gets pregnant again you'd be broken to know that he was supporting her with her new pregnancy etc.. Not you and not your baby would deserve this lack of care and support. But it is your decision of course.

[What_Did_I_Do]

He is projecting his disgust of the affair onto you. A's aren't pretty in the light of day. Too bad for him.

 

If you do keep this baby your communication with him will have to be cold, hard and factual. Provide the information he needs, blood test confirmation, keeping the baby, and you MM, will pay your share of child support (providing that is applicable in your/his country).

 

Begging and pleading with him will only cause further disdain. Steel yourself for these conversations. He also played a hand at messing you up.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I have a question. I really don't know the answer to this, but is there a way that you can cut all communication with him personally, and have someone else (some type of mediator) you can speak through?

[anika99]

I'm sorry you are in this predicament OP. Keep in mind that the pain and devastation you are feeling now is the exact same pain and devastation his wife and his children were going to go through had he followed through with the plan to ditch her for you. Why was he wonderful when he was plotting to destroy his wife and family but now he's a monster because you're the one who got hurt? I've always been curious as to why OW are perfectly okay with their MM deceiving and plotting against a woman they actually took vows with, a woman who bore his children. Most OW are fine with whatever pain the MM is going to dish out to his wife and children, he's still Prince Charming and Mr. Right in the OWs eyes even though he is blatantly lying and disrespecting his own wife and children. He's a great man as long as it's the wife who is going to be destroyed, but an evil monster if he hurts the OW. How is that possible?

 

The guy was always a jerk. He was always a liar and you knew that because you witnessed him deceiving people.had he left his family, you would have only gotten a loser man who lies and cheats. He was never your Mr. Right. He isn't a good guy. He wasn't a good guy when he was cheating on his wife while you two planned the end of his marriage and the destruction of his family and he isn't a good guy now that he has left you alone and pregnant. He was always a monster. The only thing that changed was his intended victim.

 

Stop communicating with him. Figure out what you're going to do about the pregnancy. If you decide to continue the pregnancy and keep the baby realize that you will be a single parent and that the MM will not be involved. He will have to pay child support and rightfully so but nobody can force him to be a father. So please realize that he is gone. Don't continue the pregnancy based on a fantasy of him suddenly realizing he made a mistake or suddenly wanting to be with the baby. Won't happen so take him completely out of the equation when making your decision. Your baby deserves better than him anyways. So do the children he already has but unfortunately they're stuck with him.

 

You need real help and support. Do you have people in your corner? Round them up and lean on them for support while you go through this. See if counselling is an option. Get the affair behind you and start caring for yourself. You are still young and there is so much more to life then this lying cheating MM.

[BaileyB]

Sometimes, karma is a *****!

 

Affairs can look pretty ugly in the light of day. And, nothing is more of a reminder of the betrayal than a pregnancy. Being exposed in this way does not support the image he would prefer to project as a husband and devoted father of two young children.

 

Unintended pregnancy is just one of the consequences of an affair. I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, but now you have to deal with it. Gather your strength and find some support - you have some tough decisions to make for yourself and your unborn child.

 

Indeed, this guy was always a jerk! You failed to see him for who he really is for a long time, but now... you have the full picture. Don't assume that this child will encourage him to leave his wife or that he will want to be a part of the child's life... Make your decisions accordingly, plan for life as a single parent if you keep this child.

 

It's a difficult decision, I honestly don't know what I would do. My heart breaks for you having to make this decision.

Edited July 9, 2018 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

One thing is for sure he's not happy right now and is probably scared to death that you are not going to terminate. If he has admitted he had sex with you to his wife he may tell her about this so they can prepare. You know you are on your own with this pregnancy for now so chose wisely. Good luck!

[HiCrunchy]

You should tell his wife u are pregnant with his child. She deserves to know that (if it choosing to keep it of course)

[CantTakeMySmile]

I would not tell anyone anything until you know something for certain and can provide details.

 

 

You have a lot of decisions to make and since you will be a single parent in this, those decisions are yours to make. He will be made to pay child support by the courts, that is not your decision to make. He can not and should not provide you any input on this matter.

 

 

Do not text him again. After you have the blood test from your doctor, have a confidant or mediator contact him.

 

 

Focus on the important decisions now, realize what he is to you... only a distraction from the steps you need to make. Cut ALL contact and focus on the important. What he is or is not doing with his family is not your concern.

[BaileyB]

I would not tell anyone anything until you know something for certain and can provide details.

 

 

You have a lot of decisions to make and since you will be a single parent in this, those decisions are yours to make. He will be made to pay child support by the courts, that is not your decision to make. He can not and should not provide you any input on this matter.

 

 

Do not text him again. After you have the blood test from your doctor, have a confidant or mediator contact him.

 

 

Focus on the important decisions now, realize what he is to you... only a distraction from the steps you need to make. Cut ALL contact and focus on the important. What he is or is not doing with his family is not your concern.

 

Exactly this. You have nothing to gain from continues contact with this man or his wife. It will only cause you pain.

 

Eyes forward, focus on yourself right now. Take care of yourself and focus on the decision you have to make.

[whichwayisup]

I would not tell anyone anything until you know something for certain and can provide details.

 

 

You have a lot of decisions to make and since you will be a single parent in this, those decisions are yours to make. He will be made to pay child support by the courts, that is not your decision to make. He can not and should not provide you any input on this matter.

 

 

Do not text him again. After you have the blood test from your doctor, have a confidant or mediator contact him.

 

 

Focus on the important decisions now, realize what he is to you... only a distraction from the steps you need to make. Cut ALL contact and focus on the important. What he is or is not doing with his family is not your concern.

 

I agree. Do a blood test to confirm you're pregnant or not. Then only deal with him through a lawyer. Stop trying to reach out to him and talk to him, that part is totally over. The more you push, the more he'll slam the door in your face and hurt you deeply.

 

He isn't the man you thought he was, you're in love with a fantasy version of him. He doesn't love his wife either, if he did, he wouldn't have allowed an affair to happen period! He loves only himself.

 

If you're not pregnant, never EVER contact him again. Get counseling to help you heal and grieve in a healthy way. If you are pregnant, then make sure you have lots of love and support from family and friends to help you.

[stillafool]

Oh, I see from your first post that MM has moved out of the house. Well he certainly won't get his wife back now that you're pregnant so he didn't get off scott free if that's any consolation.

[Passionfruit500]

Oh, I see from your first post that MM has moved out of the house. Well he certainly won't get his wife back now that you're pregnant so he didn't get off scott free if that's any consolation.

Surely he didn't... They are "working it out"...this is the most probable scenario.

[flubberghaster]

Thankyou, everyone. I'm very lucky to have close knit family and friends here who saw the whole thing unfold over the last few years. To answer some questions:

 

anika99 - you aren't wrong. I'm not proud of any of this. I found some pretty serious flaws in my own moral compass. No wonder he and I got along so well.

 

stillafool - she knows it was a full blown physical affair. I doubt he will up and admit to this part until after bloodtest results.

 

I'm not doing "okay" - I've always been a bit of a fitness fanatic vegan who doesn't smoke, or drink, or do drugs. Since I took these tests i've been chain smoking, drinking, and generally not keeping it together. I've been going to work, though. Its a start.

 

Seeing this side of him has made it easier. Prior all I could see was the big, confused sweetheart who loved me. Treating it like a trauma.

 

I don't really know what to do between now and the bloodtest. All I know is I feel terrible, I can't think about him at all, and I really don't want to be left alone.

 

He told me he moved out the day of DDay. That doesn't appear to be the case 3 weeks later. Just another lie.

[pa2k]

I am so so sorry you have to deal with that....

 

I am confused is the blood test to confirm pregnancy? I'm not sure what country you live in, or if you live in the US, but if you live in Canada, you can go to the hospital for a blood pregnancy test asap and your provincial healthcare should cover it. I think it's covered in the UK as well.

[flubberghaster]

I am so so sorry you have to deal with that....

 

I am confused is the blood test to confirm pregnancy? I'm not sure what country you live in, or if you live in the US, but if you live in Canada, you can go to the hospital for a blood pregnancy test asap and your provincial healthcare should cover it. I think it's covered in the UK as well.

 

It sure is. I'm in Australia, its all free - I just have to work around work, so I booked.

[Veronica73]

Thankyou, everyone. I'm very lucky to have close knit family and friends here who saw the whole thing unfold over the last few years. To answer some questions:

 

anika99 - you aren't wrong. I'm not proud of any of this. I found some pretty serious flaws in my own moral compass. No wonder he and I got along so well.

 

stillafool - she knows it was a full blown physical affair. I doubt he will up and admit to this part until after bloodtest results.

 

I'm not doing "okay" - I've always been a bit of a fitness fanatic vegan who doesn't smoke, or drink, or do drugs. Since I took these tests i've been chain smoking, drinking, and generally not keeping it together. I've been going to work, though. Its a start.

 

Seeing this side of him has made it easier. Prior all I could see was the big, confused sweetheart who loved me. Treating it like a trauma.

 

I don't really know what to do between now and the bloodtest. All I know is I feel terrible, I can't think about him at all, and I really don't want to be left alone.

 

He told me he moved out the day of DDay. That doesn't appear to be the case 3 weeks later. Just another lie.

 

Seriously, if you have any intention at all to keep the baby, you need to stop drinking and smoking. Now. Just stop doing that for now and then focus on the rest, because if you decide to keep him/her, it could have a negative effect on the baby's health and future. Just stop. And lean on your family, friends, and whoever else is available.

 

And screw him. He's an ass and you can do way better anyway. He's s shifty, two-faced rat. If you want to keep the baby, get whatever child support you can get from him and build a nice life for you and your child. You're better off without this lying *******.

[burnt]

Seeing this side of him has made it easier. Prior all I could see was the big, confused sweetheart who loved me. Treating it like a trauma.

 

Yes, in the midst of all this hell, that is the only silver lining for now--to be finally able to see his real face underneath the mask. Many many of us OW's take months and years before we finally gain this clarity to see the MMs for who they truly are. It takes horrible self-destructive damage before we earn that mental clarity--you are no exception to that either.

 

To chime in with so many other posters here:

 

(1) If it turns out that it was a false positive, then you don't have to deal with this anymore, but have leaned his true nature in the process. You will never have to deal with him again in your life (except in your memory).

 

(2) If it turns out the pregnancy is real, then you will have to decide whether to keep the baby or not. It's good that you have people in your support system. In this case, make contact with him through a third party. Make him pay his share through the legal process.

 

One more thing: I would also let the wife know at that time: especially the fact that MM knew about the pregnancy right away.

Reason: I'd bet he hasn't told his wife about this yet. Which means, hearing from you later on, she'd get more confirmation that even at this stage he's lying to her.

 

You were holding onto him with delusional love for so long.

So is his wife.

 

One final note:

If nothing else,

 

What self-respecting woman in the world would want to stay with a man like this?

 

Despite the pain,

try to recognize and take comfort in the knowledge that YOU didn't end up with him. You are lucky.

His wife is NOT the winner here: she is ultimate most unfortunate woman to gain a pitiful man like that.

[CantTakeMySmile]

I don't think it is your responsibility to tell his wife anything. You have enough on your plate taking care of yourself and your child. You were not concerned about his wife's position before and you should be now. You have to focus on the Significant matters now. IT doesn't matter if she knows when he started lying. Well, it doesn't matter TO YOU.

[flubberghaster]

He called me. We talked. He was nicer this time but still adamant he didn't want much, if anything to do with me, or this. First half hour was us yelling at each other (the blame shifting was staggering, from both of us), second half hour was actual talking. I'm so mistrustful and angry of him, and he is very mistrustful of me. He said he has sold his wife and his parents about this baby. I doubt that, too. But that's on him. I'm not going to tell them myself. I felt no love from either of us. He did open up a little more this time, but I don't really believe much of it.

 

It was hope he'll be friendlier until this is over, though. I asked him to please be with me for the bloodtest (i'll make it a time he can be on the phone with me) and to schedule a time to talk about options. I really don't feel like I can do this alone. He said he doesn't care who I do it with, but its not him - and he will "think about it."

 

Messy. Bad. Sad.

[FMW]

So very sorry for you. He's a xxxxxxxx.

 

Take care of yourself and take advantage of any resources you have to help you figure out where you want to go from here.

[Poppy47]

If you are pregnant and decide to keep this baby, you will need a paternity test before you can ask anything of this man.

 

The child is entitled to support from the father and you will be needing the extra finances as a single mother.

 

Dealing through a lawyer would seem to be the best way to go. This man is behaving very badly towards you and seeing him will only cause you more pain.

 

All my best wishes,

Poppy

[flubberghaster]

Thankyou Poppy. Today, after some soul searching, and talks with friends... I'm not going to keep this pregnancy. I can't. I would be an awful single mother. I don't know how to tell him, or even if I should.

[Passionfruit500]

Thankyou Poppy. Today, after some soul searching, and talks with friends... I'm not going to keep this pregnancy. I can't. I would be an awful single mother. I don't know how to tell him, or even if I should.

 

I wouldn't...why do you want to speak to him again?

I just wouldn't tell him anything from now and let him guess wether you kept pregnancy or not...

[burnt]

I wouldn't...why do you want to speak to him again?

I just wouldn't tell him anything from now and let him guess wether you kept pregnancy or not...

 

I agree with PasionFruit.

Don't contact him anymore. Once you decided not to keep the child, HE shouldn't exist anymore. He has already shown you who he really is up close and personal. He already made it utterly clear that he wants nothing to do with you or the child. You don't owe him anything.

 

Let him live in his lovely life of lies happily ever after with his wife who's also choosing not to see him for who he really is.

 

If he keeps bugging you about this, send his wife a message saying you don't want to be bothered by her husband.

 

You have made yourself the "crazy" bunny boiler.

Let her see that the crazy one is her DH.

 

There's a line I have read from someone on this site that really resonated with me a while ago:

 

Marry a man if one day you want to have a son just like him.

 

He is a despicable thing. Dispose of him, the same way he didn't hesitate to dispose of you.

 

There's a wonderful line I have read here, which I'd suggest you try to use as a mantra:

To take back an ex is like scooping up and swallowing your own vomit from the floor after you threw up.

 

That's what this despicable man is;

Vomit.

Don't swallow him back up.

Don't contact him.

No Contact. Period.

 

You are lucky to have support in your life. Lean on them to heal now.

Focus on YOU, as he is focusing on himself.

[stillafool]

Thankyou Poppy. Today, after some soul searching, and talks with friends... I'm not going to keep this pregnancy. I can't. I would be an awful single mother. I don't know how to tell him, or even if I should.

 

Why should you worry about telling him anything when he has told you to leave him alone? Are you not clear in how this man is treating you? Why wallow in pain?