When they say it can't work out

[adversity]

I was just wondering... i know most guys break up with girls when they think it's not going to work out. Most girls do too... but it seems that girls are more willing to stay with the relationship even though they have strong feelings that it probably won't. Then again, girls also seem to 'cry wolf' a lot.

 

So. if a guy has made up his mind that it can't work out between both of you and he wants to break up... does he ever change his mind?

 

My boyfriend of 3 months and i broke up on saturday and he told me that. I told him I wanted to try to work things out, but he was insistent that he wanted to break up and he said it couldn't work because i was affecting his work and realistically, he'd done the math and he just had no time to cope between work, family and relationship, so one had to give. (as a sideline, no i don't think i'm needy but seeing a guy once or twice a week only on weekend evenings is not my idea of a relationship. we're both busy but this is the first time i have met someone who is actually busier than me).

 

Anyway, he started messaging me the next day about how i was feeling and stuff and i told him i would be fine, i just wanted him to decide on whether he wanted to work things out, and not to contact me until he'd decided. He called me anyway to tell me he was feeling down and depressed.

 

To cut a long story short, he messaged me on Monday about something trivial, and i didn't reply. then that evening, i called him, i dunno why. anyway, he said that he'd been thinking about me the whole day and you didn't know what you had until it was gone, yada yada and how he was thinking about how he had treated his ex girlfriend better when she was his ex than when they were together. i suggested that we try to work it out (my last shot at it), and he said okay, but it was a really really bad time for him so he wouldn't be able to give me anything for the next couple of weeks, emotionally, time or otherwise. I said fine, we've all been at that stage in our work lives anyway when work overwhelms you. I suspect part of why he agreed was also because he realised that in the 48 hours we were apart, i'd been out on a couple of dates already. Well, what did he expect me to do? i thought it was better than sitting at home and moping, and i really did think that we were over. I didn't know I was going to call him on the spur of the moment, or that he was going to say the things he did.

 

Even though we're together now, i feel very insecure because well - of the things he said when he wanted to break up with me. most of all, because he kept repeating that it wouldn't never work. I have this feeling that he believes it, but because it's too painful to let go at this stage, he's just here for the moment. And i don't want that. I would like to believe that there is some possibility that we might work out in the long run, even if it is a very small possibility - but i don't see that possibility if he's already made up his mind that it won't work out. It doesn't help that since then, he's been sort of distant, i.e. no more terms of endearment, although we're still sort of messaging and talking. I don't know whether to attribute it to the fact that he's busy or he's just pulling away and this is sort of a 'staged break-up', i.e. where you break up in stages.

 

Am i being paranoid, you think?