I think he is having an emotional affair with me

[confused_gf]

Hi everybody,

So I was online dating when I met this guy X. We talked for a while but then he suddenly disappeared. At the time I didn't really care as I was happy being alone but that has changed. We just recently got back in contact and he revealed to me that he has been in a committed relationship for 18 months but that things are rocky.

 

We have been confiding a lot in each other about our personal struggles and he has been telling me a lot about his current girlfriend. He seems confused about her but at the same time he has not made up his mind to break things off. Still he wants to talk to me everyday on Skype and we seem to hit it off well, even better then when we first met. He tells me he feels conflicted about his relationship now that I am back in the picture. Should I continue talking to him and opening up to him knowing he is technically with someone? He even told me last we talked that he is going to New York with her soon.

 

I didn't know what to make of that. He sends me mixed messages and last we talked he said he would probably continue "getting into trouble with me". But he also told me that the relationship is open? I am a bit confused. I thought about sending him a message letting him know that I do not consider myself a "side chick" but I think that will put him off.

Edited July 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LilithD]

This gentleman needs to do some serious thinking about what he wants. He either needs to get things figured out with his girlfriend, or get on with his life.

 

Being confused by getting involved with his indecisiveness is understandable on your part.

[SunnyWeather]

I thought about sending him a message letting him know that I do not consider myself a "side chick" but I think that will put him off.

 

who cares if that will put him off if this scene is not what you want? do you want a lover/partner? or do you want to be someone's therapist/wet blanket? jeez

[What_Did_I_Do]

He's confused? No.

 

He's casting his line in the water and hoping you'll bite. Who cares if you put him off? He'll just move on to the next on-line willing participant. No loss there.

[carhill]

Time-filler. Sounding board. Ego booster. Little investment by him for the returns.

 

Wish I had healthier news.

 

Question: When people disappear on you without comment or notice, how do you process that?

 

I ask because of substantial experience with MW's who've done that. They always seem to have a plausible and believable story. Some even apologized. My programming to believe women was strong. How does it go for you?

[BaileyB]

Should I continue talking to him and opening up to him knowing he is technically with someone? He even told me last we talked that he is going to New York with her soon.

 

He sends me mixed messages and last we talked he said he would probably continue "getting into trouble with me". But he also told me that the relationship is open? I am a bit confused. I thought about sending him a message letting him know that I do not consider myself a "side chick" but I think that will put him off.

 

Oh, I would not be worried about "putting him off."

 

This guy has made it quite clear that he is quite willing to consider stepping out on his current girlfriend... Or, how did he put it - "getting into trouble with you."

 

Should you consider talking to him - No. He has a girlfriend. Full stop.

 

Normally, I may suggest that you tell him to call you up when he has left the relationship and he is single and available to date. But, not with this guy... You don't want to date a man who could so easily be grooming other women while in a relationship with you.

 

I'm not sure what about this situation is confusing for you. This guy is not a good guy. Continue to encourage him at your own risk...

[FoundMyStrength]

I am a bit confused. I thought about sending him a message letting him know that I do not consider myself a "side chick" but I think that will put him off.

 

 

This is not intended to be rude, but there is nothing confusing here. If he's in an 18 month committed relationship, then you ARE the side chick.

 

 

 

As for the open relationship thing -- if they are open, you should easily be able to find that out. Just ask to speak to his girlfriend to confirm they are in an open relationship. If it's truly open, then there's no reason she wouldn't be willing to simply confirm the arrangement.

 

 

Personally, I doubt they're in an open relationship.

[stillafool]

This guy is not going to break up with his gf. He wants some extra on the side and you are right to feel like a "side chick". He isn't confused, he's being slick.

[confused_gf]

Little update: I decided to continue speaking with this guy on friendly terms seeing as he talked me through some tough situations. I'll admit, even a part of me hoped that perhaps our day would come. Well, tonight I was sort of reminded why I lost interest him in the first place. I now remember he had an odd habit of subjecting me to lectures about topics of his choosing (mainly cliche stuff about music, race, and culture). Before I would just sort of put up with it and pretend to be interested but tonight I just told him I didn't agree with his opinions or assumptions about the younger generations music or the racial stuff surrounding it (he's a decade older than me so of course there might be a difference of opinion). So when I started to give my side of things the guy just snaps, won't stop talking over me and could not stop lecturing and berating me. Even after we ended the argument, he would come back into the chat to continue insulting and deriding me. No matter how peaceably I tried to end the convo, he just HAD to have the last cruel word. He took all the personal things I had confided in him and threw them back at me in a callous manner. So angry he could not even spell. Merely because I did not share his opinions on culture and music? I sort of knew that as a former university professor he probably enjoys the sound of his own voice and I thought it was enough that I had to listen to sermons on these topics but now I have to agree with everything being stated or be subject to humiliation? Very confusing and hurtful turn of events. Looks like even a friendship is off the table for this guy.