Kind of ruined a relationship

[Plllover]

First of all - I know I made a mistake and I'm in a really delicate part of my life, so please don't be rude or mean to me. I already know what I did and I'm just here looking for an answer, I will let you know the question later in this post. Please, read it all and help me out

 

I have known this guy for a very long time. He's 30, Im 20. I don't know why I fell so deeply for him.

 

His phrase has always been "we have too much of an age gap". Yet he told me he wanted to be my "first time" (I was 18 and he was 28 at that time). We had sex, and I lost my virginity to him. I fell deeply in love. But he didn't. He came once to my house to meet my parents (they wanted to meet him! Because he was much older than me). He stayed no more than an hour and gave me a chocolate from his European trip (from Belgium, to be exact) and I gave him a key chain from Brazil. At this point I thought that he liked me, really liked me. Otherwise, why think about me in Europe and buy me a chocolate?! Besides, he messaged me when he was THERE, to tell me he had been robbed. He wanted to let me know that he wasn't okay. Being miles and miles away from me. He liked me, at least a bit, to do that.

 

He always waited until night to message me to see if we could go somewhere. It was never at the light of the day. I always expected more from him because I was in love. He wanted me to go to his apartment after my class, and I had to ask permission to my parents, because I live with them(I was 18 at that time!), and they didn't like it and I told him. Of course he can do what he wants because he lives alone. But I can't, and he needed to understand that. That's when he started to walk away from me... but I didn't want him to! He would only say happy birthday to me, or happy new year, or merry christmas. And I got sick of it. At the end of 2016 I sent him a voice message on whatsapp (I was drunk) telling him he was mean, super mean to me. The next day, he deleted me from Whatsapp and Instagram. He didn't delete me from Facebook, though. He cut all kinds of communication.

 

But we saw each other again last year. I told you that at the end of 2016, beggining of 2017 he deleted me from social media. But last year, just this time of the year, I saw him at the bar. And I went to his apartment and had sex. The same thing happened the next month. We had sex two times last year. I saw him again, for the third time. But I decided I wasn't going to have sex with him. I told him to give me clear signs, I was like, what do you want? Do you want a relationship out of this? And he was like, YES, I take you, I want you. He never messaged me again after that. He lied to me, straight to my face.

 

At the end of 2017 a friend of mine told me that he had a girlfriend. My heart broke in two pieces. I was broken. He chose someone else over me, and was happy. Or that's what I thought at that time. While we were having sex, he was dating someone else, and I didn't know it. I did my research and found her Instagram account. I made a fake Instagram account to follow her, and she had a lot of pictures with him EVEN ON VACATION!!!! It's like he had that part of his life hidden under wraps. I'll let you know why I know this.

 

Two months ago, I reunited with a friend. I told her everything about this guy, and she was like : "Follow him again! You want to know what he's doing, just follow him. You want to know what his girlfriend looks like! Do what you want, it's your life and a follow doesn't mean anything" and I did. And he accepted my request and requested to follow me (we both have private accounts). I looked at his pictures and... nothing. He had zero photos with his girlfriend. His girl had like 10 pictures with him but he had zero. None. I was impressed.

 

He started replying to my Instagram stories until this past saturday I went to his apartment and... we had sex. He picked me up from where I was, and drove me to his apartment, and we... did it. I knew he had a girlfriend, and I still did it. He had a girlfriend... and he cheated on her. After the sex, he finally told me - as if he was somehow proud of what he did, as if he was happy that he was about to hurt me with the facts that I already knew - he had a girlfriend. And I backfired, telling him: "I already know. I know it since like... a long time ago". He was... frozen after that. He started feeling guilty, telling me he didn't want to have sex again because "she's a nice person, she didn't deserve that"... then why do it in the first place? The funny part is that we kissed after having that chat. And he revealed to me that he was planning a trip with her to Spain. He was planning a trip with his girlfriend and he did what he did.

 

The next day, he called me. He apologized to me, and told me that he broke his relatioship. That he has a healthy relationship and he never cheated on her, ever. I ased him "did you tell her?" and he was all like "no, I won't tell her and I don't plan on telling her either". So, it's deceiving. He's telling me that his relationship is broken, but he didn't tell her anything, and they still have a healthy relationship. My head was a mess after that phone call. What?

 

So I messaged him and told him that I was confused and... he told me that our thing has no future, it's not gonna happen, and that our thing didn't work, it just didn't. I told him that I never have sex with people I have no feelings for and that I sometimes think people are the same as me - aka people don't use other people for sex. He replied... "people aren't always as you are. You have to learn that. Sadly, we learn through our own mistakes". He was treating me like I was 11 years old just because we have a 10 year age gap??? I replied "I made a mistake with someone that is... well, I better not go there. Bye bye". He replied "You don't need to go there. Bye.".

 

He didn't unfollow me on instagram nor facebook. WHY?! What does he want from me? What does all this mean?

[madjac74]

Sorry but you got played. There are probably 10 more of you on his facebook or whatever. And he is going to keep you on there in case his current fling goes bad and he can go back to you.

 

Sorry I know it is hard because he was your first but it is nothing to him because I am sure you werent his first.

 

Delete him from your life as best you can

[stillafool]

What he wanted from you he already got. He just wanted sex on the side while still having a gf. It is hard for men to say no to sex with a woman who clearly wants them. Please, please go NC on this guy because he doesn't care about you and has made it perfectly clear. You are still young and should be entertaining more guys than one. Leave this guy alone.

[Sunlight72]

What he wants from you is flattery and sex - but only once in a while, when he feels like it or can't get one of his other girls at the moment.

 

The better questions are, what do you want? Does he give you what you want?

 

If you just want sex, once every few months, then he's perfect. He doesn't demand much of your time, and you don't know if or when you'll ever see him again.

 

If you want a relationship with someone who thinks you are special, then delete him from your social media and your life. If you see him in person at the bar or somewhere, do not say even one word to him or look at him. Leave the bar, and go somewhere else and talk to a guy who will have a chance to be nicer to you than he is, or just a woman you can be friends with.

[Sunlight72]

Plllover, I was thinking a little more about your dilemma.

 

I think you need to remember there are two ways to understand who a person is.

 

One way is to listen to the words they say. This is not always accurate, because people can learn what words to say to trick other people to give them what they want, and also other more innocent reasons.

 

The more accurate way to understand who a person is, is to pay attention to their actions. Watch what a person does, and you will know who they are.

 

In the case with this guy, you are confused because you listen to his words. Sometimes he uses words to say he likes you. That is not accurate.

 

If you pay attention to his actions instead, that will show you the truth of who he is and what he wants from you. His actions are quite clear. He does not respect you, he only wants to have you close to him for sex when he feels like it.

 

In the future, ignore his words.

 

Watch what he does (does he tell other people you are his girlfriend? Does he take you to nice restaurants? Does he dress nicely when he knows he will see you? Does he call you during daylight and invite you somewhere public? Does he enjoy listening to you, and spending time with you in a park, at the shops, at a concert?). Then you will know who he is, and what he wants to offer you.

[Els]

Sorry this happened to you, OP. He never really loved you, that's the long and short of it. Delete and block him, try to forget about him.

 

These are the lessons that will teach you about life, about how to pick partners and how to protect yourself. It sucks that you need to learn this way, but don't feel too bad about it. We've all made silly mistakes.

 

In the future, it would be wise to hold the men you are dating to a MUCH higher standard than texting you once while abroad and bringing you chocolate.