MajesticCoffeeLover Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) I am writing this so that someone that is in the depths of despair in their divorce may have a chance at knowing their situation might come out like mine. It does take time and we all grieve differently. If you want to know the full story you can view my "Grass is Greener" thread that I started in 2015. Alright! I will give a short version of events here. (THE ENDING IS THE KICKER) *2015: I thought I had a great marriage and never saw it coming. My then husband got really drunk which led to a HUGE argument. I never disclosed this in my other post but my ex became an alcoholic when we moved to CO it just got progressively worse and worse. Anyway...He left me for 30 days to think about things - no contact on his part. (this was a first & very out of character) I begged & pleaded for him to come home and he did. We tried to salvage whatever was left of the marriage but he was out mentally/emotionally and I gave it my 100%. Turns out he was doing all this because he was with a girl that he worked with. He cheated. I found out...kicked him out and gave him what he wanted which was a divorce. Three years of marriage down the drain. He moves in with the girl that was "just a friend" and says that she is his gf. I had a few exchanges with her letting her know what was on my mind. He admits that those 30 rogue days he was staying with her. *eye roll* *2016: I live alone and stay single. (we didn't have any children together) I lose a ton of weight and fall into a super depression. I travel back to my home state to see my family a lot. I avoid being in the house where my heart was crushed to pieces. The place that had so many memories and thoughts of one day starting a family in. Then I meet someone that helped open my eyes that I am worthy and beautiful. He would become my FWB for almost a year. I would later fall for him and admit my feelings to which he will turn down. There were no hard feelings so I keep my options open...During this time I also date and have my fun with no commitments. I took on a lot of modeling and hosting gigs that I would have turned down if I was still married. I also did a lot of soul searching and read self help books on communication, relationships and depression. (My ex really put it into my head that something was wrong with me and I took it to heart.) *2017: I start up at a new school since my ex and I would see each other from time to time at the college we were both attending. Half a year into school I meet a MAN that is super nice and we go hiking and to dinner. We start a great friendship that leads to more. He had to break down a lot of walls though. At this point I am emotionally ready to be in a relationship so we make it official. He treats me better than my ex did. He also does not drink which is pretty awesome. I never knew this is how a relationship should be. I was always used to taking care of someone more than myself, but my current bf treats me so differently. I have only ever been officially in a relationship with 3 people before him (HS sweetheart, a marine, and ex husband.) None of them have shown me what it feels like to be truly appreciated. The time I spent working on myself has also paid off in this relationship. I now have the communication skills and understanding when we get into fights or disagreements to approach it differently. *2018: My current BF and I have been together for a year just this June. Things are going great. 02 July 2018...my ex husband calls. He says that he just wants to talk because he has no friends here and all the friends he does have are mutual with his gf. So whatever he says will get back to her. I didn't want to listen but I gave out my ear to him. Turns out things are rocky with his gf and have been for awhile. She is controlling and has to keep constant tabs on him. He got super drunk and they got into a huge fight that ended in her hitting him. He left for a few days and says he is leaving the state for a bit to "think about things"...HE IS DOING THE SAME THING TO HER!!! Of course to him... it is her fault for arguing and hitting a drunk person. I said that sounds very familiar...he said he realizes that there is a trend going on and he doesn't like it. He says that he should have tried harder to work on our marriage and is sorry. (this is the first sorry from him out of the whole thing since 2015) He said he also notices that when things get tough in his relationships he runs. I told him it was funny because my very last words to his gf were "You might think you have won but its not going to be so funny when he does the same thing to you." he was surprised and asked if I really said that to her...I said YES! I knew you weren't going to change. He also admits that he is a pig and wants to move back to Michigan. He mentioned his name is not on their lease and that gives him an out. In a way I feel sorry for the gal...but she also cheated on her bf to be with him. Welp, it took about 3 years for Karma to come around. GRASS IS NOT GREENER! His gf gets what she gets and I hope that the time she invested in him feels as much of a waste as it felt to me when I was on the other side of the spectrum. *All in all: I hope you can take away from this that even if you feel depressed or not worthy of love...just know it does take time to get over someone you truly loved and do not rush into another relationship! take your time...find yourself. I had to love myself again to be able to love someone else. I also feel that the opportunities I have now are so great and I have someone that supports all that I do. YOU GUYS GOT THIS! If anything it bothers the person who dumped you to see you doing so well....Sorry for the long rant. - FIN Edited July 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 wow! You really went through a rough patch getting to where you are now ~ I'm proud of you for seeing it as something you could learn from, and that you're in a really great place emotionally. That says a lot about your inner strength. funny how when your life starts looking up and things that you were meant to have become yours (love, a fresh start at a life you really like), the past revisits to kind of remind you just how far you've come. I feel bad for your ex, but those decisions have been his, and will haunt him because he chooses to run rather than deal with them. Bless his heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MajesticCoffeeLover Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 @quankanne Why thank you! I can’t tell you how much of a dark period 2016 was for me. When I look back I feel I have become stronger and wiser. My standards for a relationship went up and I know what I want. I wont ever let someone have that much of a hold over my life & emotions again. As for the ex he is a grown man at 31 years old now and if he hasn’t gotten it together by now...when will he? At least he kind of realizes he contributes to the problem but I still see him blaming others. Hearing him finally say sorry though...makes it easier to finally forgive. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Consider yourself lucky to have ever gotten any type of apology about anything. Not that it would really matter in my case, but it would be nice. The best revenge is living well, which is what I am doing. My Ex is below a hundred pounds, she should weigh 120-130. I don't know if she is using again or what the deal is. I really don't wish any harm on her as long as she is out of my life. I expect her to die inside of 2-3 years at this pace. But she is not my responsibility anymore, and there is nothing I can do anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MajesticCoffeeLover Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 @BluePower I am so sorry to hear about your ex. Addiction is a whole different monster in itself. From what I have read they do not mean to hurt the people around them they are just not their true selves while using. I hope you are taking time to focus on yourself. I started making silly videos when I was living by myself. I started writing poetry and traveling...and a lot of other things I never really knew I was good at until I was on my own. Now I am potentially able to make some income from it. I never thought in a million years I would be doing what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 @BluePower I am so sorry to hear about your ex. Addiction is a whole different monster in itself. From what I have read they do not mean to hurt the people around them they are just not their true selves while using. I hope you are taking time to focus on yourself. I started making silly videos when I was living by myself. I started writing poetry and traveling...and a lot of other things I never really knew I was good at until I was on my own. Now I am potentially able to make some income from it. I never thought in a million years I would be doing what I do. Sweet of you to say all this... but I am so over her and have been for years. The story is so long, but I will say this. I have zero sympathy for addicts and drunks. I just don't. I feel sorry for the kids if she does die soon, but I wont even go to the funeral. My life is wonderful right now, I have met to woman of my dreams. I went through a ton of women to get to her, but she is a dream in every way. I am glad that you made it through everything... Link to post Share on other sites
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