Sirfilleto Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 (edited) Hello, for a while I have been feeling "judgey" towards people with high body counts/slept around with. Now before I get more into it, I know this is 100% an issue with me and not anyone who chooses to sleep around or live however they want. My issue is that I feel this way. Info about me;I am a 26yo Male. i've only slept with 1 person, haven't been cheated on, nor have i cheated. Now whenever I read about people sleeping around more than what i'd consider "normal" or under different circumstances (one night stands) I feel uncomfortable with the idea and a little judgemental. I do believe a lot might have to do with the way ive grown up (rarely dated or had any romantic interactions) so in my head I feel these "numbers" matter. I have this issue even with female friends who I share these information about their encounters. I dont see them as less of a friend, i just end up thinking "it's a shame they do so". but I KNOW IM WRONG thinking this way Another thing, whenever I read about partners cheating, it always bothers me in an intense way, as if i am scared of it happening to me. Im including this in case this ties up with the stuff above. Now what im looking for is, that someone can understand wtf is up with my brain and I think this way.... it's not an issue that is ruining my life or anything, but it's definitely annoying. I really dont want to feel a certain way towards people who have had sex more than others, I guess im hoping for someone to understand things and say something in which i can reflect upon in terms of not caring about female friends having a high body count. (strictly friends, i am not jealous or looking for anything). Also it does bother that if i do meet a future partner who has slept around, I dont want to judge them this way. What can i do to not have it matter, and understand that it's normal? (just to emphasise it's not a huge issue to the point where I need therapy, just perspective as its been on my mind constantly as of late) Edited July 5, 2018 by Sirfilleto Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2018 Share Posted July 5, 2018 Everybody's # is different. First don't ask for details. You can never get the images out of my head. Also look at the timing. You are 26. Be more forgiving of wild behavior between 18 - 22 then last week. So if the 25 year old person's # is say 10 but 8 of those were prior to age 20, one was a long term HS partner, then some craziness with the last being a 2+ year exclusive relationship see that as the person has matured & calmed down. Don't be super focused on the "what if they cheat" idea. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy. Pick people of good character to date & treat each other well. That should be the best inoculation again infidelity but it's still no guarantee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sirfilleto Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 I understand what youre saying and I agree. But this applies to female friends as well, and i guess im looking for others' perspective on how they see this. I'm hoping one of those perspectives will click with me and I can slowly start to integrate that mentality into the way I see it all Link to post Share on other sites
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