Need on accepting its over

[Forensicallydull]

I know my situation is quite generic and I know a ton of people on here are going through much worse. But I just want to get things off my chest I suppose.

 

 

 

About 5 months ago my girlfriend of 2 years unexpectedly broke up with me. She said she was unhappy and needed to be alone for awhile. We still stayed in contact ( mistake I know) as she said im still important to her and really wants me to be her friend and she even slept over my birthday a month after. She also said that she still wants to get back together with me in the future ( dont they all that....)

 

 

 

Anyway as time went on inevitable she got colder and colder and would barely respond to my messages. I kept on asking her back and she kept on denying me. But what really gets to me is when I would finally decide to start moving on, it was like she had a sixth sense and would text me saying how much she misses me and how she wants to get back together. I would say yes, we would make plans to meet, and then all of a sudden she says it wont work out and we should remain friends. This happens at least once a month. And I feel like im such a sucker for punishment because now I know the pattern but i still fall for it. Anyway recently I asked her if she thinks there is any chance of us getting back together any time soon and she said no. So i told her i would rather cut off all contact just so I could move on. And boy did she flip, she called me a whole lot of horrible names, told me to give her back everything she ever gave me. Ultimately I caved because while i want to move on I dont want to do it on bad terms. So we are still talking but barely i send her a message and she replies a few days later just telling me how busy she is and thats why she didnt reply. She only really talks to me when she needs emotional support. Yesterday I realized that we are not going to get together but I know I am to weak to admit it to myself. So i asked her to tell me that, I told her I would still be her friend and always be there for her, but that i needed her to tell me that we were finished and that there was no way back. She just replied asking to call me that night. She never called, today she told me she fell asleep early and thats why, and she never made any more mention of my message.

 

 

 

And honestly I just want to accept that its over, and she wont even give me the curtsy of telling me the truth . And it just sucks that i am not able to accept it for myself. And I just need help getting to that point.

[FMW]

She won't tell you it's over because she likes having you as a possible backup plan, as an ego boost.

 

But focus on how she's treated you. Let yourself get mad and disgusted about it and use that anger and disgust to stay away from her. Don't initiate contact and don't respond if she reaches out first. She's repeatedly shown you where you fit in her life - as an afterthought. Think about THAT every time you get lost in the romantic yearning.

 

It's not easy, it will take some time. Just repeatedly redirect your warm fuzzy thoughts of her to the hurtful things she's done and said.

[valdano]

Yea. Pretty harsh spot. I'll tell you about my story which is kinda similar to an extent. Been with a girl for 3 years, I officially broke it off in January of this year (because I felt like she just never had any time for me. You'll understand why later). I started to see someone else and she constantly called me and cried that she thinks i'm cheating on her blah blah blah. Anyways, I visited the states (i'm still here) last month and she insisted that I come by her to stay and see if we can work things out. I caved (big mistake). I found out she was also talking to someone (which she tried to hide at first, I don't know why), and based on my limited knowledge, it would appear as if they've been together for a while (during our relationship).

 

I had to go to NC for a week (she lives in NY) and on my way back to NY, in the middle of my trip, she asks me to find somewhere else to stay. Keep in mind i'm not from the USA nor do I know how to get around. I calmly said to her "Sure, don't worry about it. Just meet me at the train station and give me the money I left at your house". She agreed but never did.

 

Later the night (4th of July) she called me to "Check in". I answered and was very calm with her, made no fuss about the $300 she did not give to me, or the fact that she literally kicked me out. Ever since then, she's been blowing up my phone, telling me she's sorry, and that she only did what she did because she wanted to save the relationship she had with her dude, as she felt like my mind was already made up on leaving her. (Yea, more of her BS)

 

All in all, the struggle is real buddy. We're all out here and hurting, and we only have each other to lean on for support. If you ever wanna chat or talk about anything, i'm here for you. Sometimes a listening ear is all we need.

 

Ps. I didn't say all this to take away from your story. Instead, I just wanted you to know that someone else, at this present time, is going through a similar pain. It's a hard thing to accept, but we can help each other through.

Edited July 7, 2018 by valdano

[d0nnivain]

You don't need her permission to kick her out of your life. I understand that you prefer to separate on good terms but if she was calling you terrible names instead of respecting the fact that her yo yo behavior is hurting you, she does not have your best interest at heart. She said she wanted to be friends but would a good friend be that mean to somebody they cared about? If she was a nice person at all she would have said, "Gee. I understand. Take all the time you want. I'll back off. When you are strong enough for us to interact again, reach out."

[preraph]

So when she senses you are moving on, that's when she feels maybe it's safe for her to contact you and "just be friends" is how I'm reading it. She can't do that while you're still asking to get back together, but if she thinks you've moved on, then she's like, "Maybe we can just be friends," but it's pretty clear she doesn't want anything more.

 

Is she being unfair not just cutting you loose? Oh, yes. Truth is I would say a whole lot of people after a break up don't want the person back but they also don't especially want anyone else to have them. They want to think they won and the other person is now miserable without them. In this case, you ARE miserable without her, so this is working out richly for her. So she goes ballistic when you want to just do no contact and not give her the satisfaction of continuing to beg and plead and giving her the ego boost that you can't live without her.

 

You need to just block her on everything. She's got issues. Nice people don't sit around taking ego boosts from people who are hurting. So she's not the nice person you hoped she was. She should not get any say on whether you contact her or not. I know you're weak on her, but if you want to get off her ride, you need to stop negotiating with her and stop listening to her about returning gifts and just stop talking to her or letting her talk to you.

 

You need to block her number so she can't call or text you, every number. You need to block her from your social media so she can't see what you're doing or contact you there. You need to get off ALL her social media and not spy on her and use self-discipline to make yourself stop focusing on this lost cause who isn't showing you any kindness and respect but is just nursing her own ego needs.

 

You'll be surprised if you really do this how quickly you will stop focusing on her. You need to start seeing friends (don't talk about her to them) and going and doing fun things to distract yourself for awhile and you'll soon see that life is more fun when someone isn't bringing you down. Good luck.