Is he having a mid-life crisis?

[Sausagelegs101]

I just want to connect with others and get some other views as I'm so upset about what has just happened with my partner of 7 years.

 

Our relationship has been really good, great friends and really attracted to each other, able to talk about everything, able to give each other space and trusted each other. I thought we had it great. I've got so many amazing memories with him.

 

Well I am devastated because I have just been off work recovering from surgery for a few months, pretty rough going.

 

Getting through it though and recovered really well. Into the third month of me recovering he starts to act a bit off, not sitting close to me, looking really excited when he gets a text (the way you do when you're flirting maybe) Not paying much attention to me and always on his phone.

 

Well I didn't think too much of it at first, I thought he was going out and letting his hair down as it been stressful few months and he deserved some fun. I think it must have set something off because I started having nightmares that he was with other women. Thought it was odd.

 

Then he started dressing differently, not sure how to explain, bit younger than his years? He's not one to buy new clothes much and he started buying new clothes every few days.

Asking how he looked. I thought ok, nice that he's treating himself. He then starts going out drinking a lot even when he has work at 6am and not telling me where he is.

 

One day this all came to a head when I was talking to him about a hospital appointment and he couldn't keep off his phone and smiling at whatever was on there, not answering me so I got angry and said stop pushing me away and he exploded and said 'I'm leaving, I've had enough of being with you, I'm finding a house share.'

 

I was really upset and we had a really horrible few weeks where he was out all day and all night and blowing hot and cold with me and changing his mind.

 

I feel like in the space of a couple of weeks he has turned into a different person completely. He started going out with 20 year olds from work drinking, dressing differently, and now I find out that it was because of some teenager he met.

 

He said 'she turned his head' and he wants to 'try it out' with her. He's moving into a shared house up the road and is starting a relationship with her (she lives with her parents!) he says he doesn't even know if it will last but he wants to try it out.

 

I'm so bloody confused, I feel like in a matter of weeks he's completely changed. I keep wondering if he's having some kind of meltdown? He's throwing 7 years and a home and financial security away for what? 'to test out a teenage life'?!

 

I've tried to reason with him and ask if it was anything to do with me being not able to be there for him the last few months. I told him what he meant to me and that he can talk to me about anything he's worried about.

 

I asked him what kind of girl he thinks he's getting involved with that won't wait for a clean break and messes about with an engaged man of 38? (Not just blaming her, I did say he was just as bad)

 

Pretty much just the same answers every time 'I like talking to her' I like being with her more than you' and stuff like that, he says he only has 'familiarity' with me. But everything was fine a few weeks ago?

 

He's booked holidays and trips with me just a month ago? He hasn't even told anyone what he's doing, friends family etc to get anyone elses' perspective.

 

Anyone been through anything similar with any thoughts or advice as to what is going on?

[PegNosePete]

There is no such thing as a "mid life crisis". Just a cheating douchebag who has decided the grass is greener with someone else.

 

So now you have a choice. You can either have some self respect, not allow yourself to be treated like dirt, and get rid of him from your life; or you can try to work things out with a guy who has betrayed you in the worst way possible.

 

I know what I'd do. He would be dumped so fast he'd have whiplash.

[thefooloftheyear]

There is a saying that's not used very often anymore..."the 7 year itch". its basically a time when a relationship has "run its course" and people start looking in another direction...There was even a movie about it....Years ago...

 

How long have you been together??

 

Anyway, yes, these types of mid life events do happen...Its actually pretty common...Its a time when people start to think to themselves..."is this it"? Is this going to be the rest of my life? And they start to look elsewhere...

 

Not all of these life changing awakenings involve infidelity...For some, they get in shape....some get makeovers, some change careers.etc..

 

But unfortunately, some do as your guy is doing....My guess is probably that he didn't share your same opinion about the health and general good feeling about the relationship...Guys are different from women in that they go about their lives, sometimes really miserable, but say nothing to their SO...Then one day ...poof....they go in an entirely different direction and take on a whole new identity...Women often verbalize these things better and you know early on that they aren't happy...Each situation is unique, but that's been my experience anyway...

 

Some may regret it in the end when they realize that it wasn't as great as they initially thought and the fog clears, but by then there is little chance it can be saved..And in some cases it shouldn't be saved anyway...

 

I think you gotta let him go and move on with your life...You dont say anything about kids, if there are none, that's a good thing..

 

Sorry but I wouldn't be waiting around for him to get it out of his system...That's not any way you want to live your life....Preserve your dignity here...

 

TFY

[JDJ]

Other posters have hit the nail on the head. You may be wondering now about his psychology, but that really doesn't matter. You will never get any honest answers from him about it anyway.

 

What you thought was a loving husband is actually a lying scumbag. You can grieve the loss of the relationship for a little while, but start planning your next moves and begin planning to live the life YOU want. Don't give him another thought.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry that he picked the worst time to do this. I wish you a full recovery from your surgery.

 

Whether he's trying to recapture his youth or he's just a philandering jerk doesn't really matter. He has cheated on you when you were sick no less & has now broken up with you. He's no good.

 

Stop chasing. Focus on your physical & emotional healing. Then pick up the pieces & move forward.

[stillafool]

OP, your screen name is freaking me out. What does sausage legs mean?

[preraph]

Sounds like he's thinking he can traded you in for a 20-year-old alright. It's possible your recovery might have been to much adulting for him, but the bigger issue is he has access to these young females and has let it go to his head. I don't know if he's within their dating range or not because you didn't mention his age. I would say if he's over 35, he's going to get nowhere with 20-year-olds, but that won't stop him from making a fool out of himself trying.

 

Let him move his butt out. This is just so disrespectful to you. He's just willing to throw you aside for the mere possibility of hanging out with young girls.

[Mr. Lucky]

Is he having a mid-life crisis?

 

Would it matter to you if the woman he was cheating with was his same age? The isn't any season, timeline or reason for infidelity other than poor choices and self-entitlement. Quit offering excuses for him and accept he's not the man you thought him to be.

 

Continued good luck with your recovery...

 

Mr. Lucky

[stillafool]

He didn't just fall for this girl overnight. They have probably been seeing each other for some time for him to want to leave you to "try out" this new girl. What an idiot.

 

Do you mind answering why you two are just now deciding to marry after 7 years? How long have you been engaged?