FWAF Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Hi all, I'm Emma (not Margot, long story...). I'm 33 and my bf is 37. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was just a kid as my dad was a violent ******* and we left when I was a baby. So I've always been prone to a little anxiety as an adult. I'm going through such a crappy time right now and I don't even know where to start. My bf of 7 years was involved in a serious car accident in April 2016 and got a traumatic brain injury. He spent a week in a coma and 3 months in near rehab. During that time we actually bonded so strongly because he was focussed on seeing me and in getting better rather than on working all the time like he usually does (self employed photographer) I rejected a job offer for a great job as they offered me it the day he ended up in hospital. I couldn't take a full time job for almost a year as I was the only driver in the house and needed to take him to his photography jobs etc, which I didn't grudge at all. Then in August 2017 he got his license back and I started to feel the anxiety creep back in. I was scared he no longer needed me and I was terrified he would crash his car again. I still couldn't find a good job and took on a few minimum wage ones but they were terrible - in one my boss wouldn't pay me for 8 weeks at a time, in another I was screamed at by the owner in front of all the kitchen staff and walked out there and then because I couldn't mentally handle it. My bf made comments that he was running out of Money and made me feel bad for never having enough to contribute towards the house. I felt terrible. Then in April 2018 I opened a cafe in a local hotel. Things seemed to be going well. Then the cafe owners falsely accused me of stealing cans of coke (???) and kicked me out. This happened last Friday. I called my bf to come help me move my stuff and he arrived, threw his key on the table and said he's done with me causing drama and my awful attitude and anger is why I got kicked out. He can't handle me doing this "to him" and walked home. He locked himself in our converted barn for 3 days without talking to me and he's still sleeping in there now, although slightly more talkative when he comes to the house for food etc. My anxiety is through the roof. I went to the doctor and broke down in tears and she just said I should self refer to a talking counsellor. I feel that I need a lot more help than just talking to a counsellor. I've felt suicidal, I've been unable to eat more than 400 calories a day and I've lost 6 kg in 7 days. I feel like I've explained how I feel very clearly to my partner this whole time and whenever I tell him a long drawn out essay of how I feel I get zero response back. His ex says he was the same with her when she was diagnosed as bipolar and he completely shuts down when people express emotions to him. But I just can't do this without talking to him. I need someone to take how I feel and help me deal with it instead of shutting me off and making my anger and stress build up. I tried to suggest to the dr that his accident has really messed my head up - I feel sick every time I drive past the place he crashed, which is hard as it's right outside my house!! I get nervous around hospitals now, which I never did before. Scenes in movies where people are in comas give me a panicky feeling and sometimes when the photo of his crashed car is brought up in newspaper articles I get full on palpitations. I need help from someone who understands because as far as my bf is concerned he pretty much came home and moved on as if it never happened and I can't handle it GOD I'm so sorry for this essay. I guess I had a lot to get off my chest O_O Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I'm sorry about your extreme anxiety issues. Maybe it would be best to try another doctor who can help you with your anxiety issues if that one isn't giving you what you need. You really can't expect your bf to shoulder the responsibility of helping you with your anxiety as he may be at a loss. I would because I wouldn't know how to help someone with anxiety as that would probably make me anxious. If you opened a cafe, how can the "owners" run you away? Why the other boss scream at you in front of the staff? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FWAF Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 I'm sorry about your extreme anxiety issues. Maybe it would be best to try another doctor who can help you with your anxiety issues if that one isn't giving you what you need. You really can't expect your bf to shoulder the responsibility of helping you with your anxiety as he may be at a loss. I would because I wouldn't know how to help someone with anxiety as that would probably make me anxious. If you opened a cafe, how can the "owners" run you away? Why the other boss scream at you in front of the staff? I was running a business while working there and when I started at the hotel they agreed I could work whatever hours I wanted and they would accommodate that. I told them from day one I couldn't work weekends due to bf needing help with weddings - they booked me in on a Sunday shift and I queried it and was told they would NOT play second fiddle to my other commitments. So I left. The cafe place basically went sour because we didn't have a contract in place and I was working breakfasts in exchange for the cafe space. A breakfast customer lied and said I refused to cook him breakfast (I offered him anything he wanted and he only wanted toast). I'm so tired of being messed around my people I work for Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I'm sorry that's rough. Can you maybe write out how you feel and give it to your boyfriend. Sometimes journaling helps clear the mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FWAF Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 I'm sorry that's rough. Can you maybe write out how you feel and give it to your boyfriend. Sometimes journaling helps clear the mind. I wrote a bunch of stuff down yesterday but I'm scared to give it to him. He prone to just not responding when I spill my feelings to him and the lack of response would honestly be worse than this Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 When you write down your feelings are you complaining about things he does wrong or are you just venting about random concerns? If you are complaining no man wants to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FWAF Posted July 6, 2018 Author Share Posted July 6, 2018 No not specifically. But the truth is I'm done pussyfooting around what HE wants to hear. I'm tired of walking on eggshells over this Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 Complicated way of living with him and you. You really need a break and a get away! Money problems can cause a lot of stress. You need to find out how you can solve that. He is all over the place since his car accident. You seem to depend on each other to a point. Link to post Share on other sites
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