preraph Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Be sure you involve the courts so you don't inadvertently do something that could be held against you as well (like keeping the kids from their mother). Do it all legally with the advice of the court. You have a good case, no reason to be afraid of taking legal steps. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Although I’m doing my best, my 6 year old daughter needs her mom. Didn't you also need her mom at one point? Hopefully, you've paid attention to how that turned out. Your wife's toxic choices and the people she's chosen to associate with take priority over your attempts to promote a normal family structure. Let your STBX earn unsupervised access to the kids by proving she can change and make sure nothing occurs until then... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Thank you everyone for your input. As you can imagine I have gone thru a lot of sever depression because I’ve always put my family first. I’d much rather hang out with them than go to a bar or hang with buddies. They have been my world for 16 years. Now that that’s not an option I have been experiencing a lot of loneliness. The kids are only gone for 48 hours at the most but I have severe seperatiom anxiety without them. Today they are at her fathers birthday party and the thought of them all carring on with their lives without me hurts me so deeply. I feel like I should be there to celebrate with them but can’t. How do I deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I have been experiencing a lot of loneliness. How do I deal with this? Make new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Thank you everyone for your input. As you can imagine I have gone thru a lot of sever depression because I’ve always put my family first. I’d much rather hang out with them than go to a bar or hang with buddies. They have been my world for 16 years. Now that that’s not an option I have been experiencing a lot of loneliness. The kids are only gone for 48 hours at the most but I have severe seperatiom anxiety without them. Today they are at her fathers birthday party and the thought of them all carring on with their lives without me hurts me so deeply. I feel like I should be there to celebrate with them but can’t. How do I deal with this? You need a good Counsellor. I would also find new friends,do some work around the home, take up a new hobby, go for a drive, or exercise. You must find a healthy way to spend your time. I understand that you are upset, but you need to learn how to manage and self-regulate your emotions. It’s something that everyone must learn, because it is simply not possible to be with someone all the time. We all must learn to be alone and occupy our own time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alsudduth Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Sounds to me like your wife might have a drug problem. That's the vibe I get anyway. Maybe that is just because I could not imagine anyway I would ever toss my kids aside unless I wasn't in my right mind due to drugs or a serious mental condition. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Sounds to me like your wife might have a drug problem. That's the vibe I get anyway. Maybe that is just because I could not imagine anyway I would ever toss my kids aside unless I wasn't in my right mind due to drugs or a serious mental condition. Agreed. 10 characters Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Sounds to me like your wife might have a drug problem. That's the vibe I get anyway. Maybe that is just because I could not imagine anyway I would ever toss my kids aside unless I wasn't in my right mind due to drugs or a serious mental condition. Let not underestimate the power of the thoughts that people think of what they deserve. What people initially call love is often entirely caused by hormones (also known as drugs, oxytocin and the sort). But her choice of men does tell us that she at least has some sort of problem: as her situation is him now. As a side-note. reading this forum for five years now, my initial response is definitely nor surprise, I read these kind of things far too regularly here, so apparently we all are not perfect and so isn't she, which isn't an excuse for her behaviour. How hard of this might be for you BaileyB (I think very very hard) your main concern now should be your children. Your now ex-wife (perhaps a harsh thing to say) has chosen her path (for now). Please follow the advice of long-time member here who have walked this path before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 Thanks everyone, I recently had a long talk with her father and he tells me that apparently around the time started, I was I growing her because I had recently started my own business. She felt as if I was on a higher level gab her since she wasn’t working at the time. She felt low which is why’s he chose a guy that was also low (lowlife). I don’t buy it at all. She had acces to the business bank account and was as involved as she wanted to be. She never lifted s finger for the business. I think that’s just a ln excuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Thanks everyone, I recently had a long talk with her father and he tells me that apparently around the time started, I was I growing her because I had recently started my own business. She felt as if I was on a higher level gab her since she wasn’t working at the time. She felt low which is why’s he chose a guy that was also low (lowlife). I don’t buy it at all. She had acces to the business bank account and was as involved as she wanted to be. She never lifted s finger for the business. I think that’s just a ln excuse. And, a pretty lame excuse at that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted July 16, 2018 Author Share Posted July 16, 2018 So this is how dumb/desperate/whatever else I am. Last Tuesday she calls me inviting me and the kids out of town with here sister and girlfriend (lesbians) to which I agree. Pretty much the entire weekend she ignoring me and also playing music that I’m assuring reminded her of the lowlife boyfriend and started to cry. I obviously got pissed and took off to cool down. She has had her face burri s in her phone pretty much the entire weekend too. I had a long convo hleith her dad who happened to come visit us while we were out of town and told me to give her time and she to wants to come back to me. I am sooo confused as to why she would invite me and then pretty much ignore me the whole time. I know this is a dumb question but is she paying mind games? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 I am sooo confused as to why she would invite me and then pretty much ignore me the whole time. I'd guess she needed a babysitter and someone to help cover the expenses for the trip. Don't get distracted from the real issues here... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 Quick update: She had since found a new job and has moved into her own place. I can actually see that she has her head back on straight and is attempting to get back on track. We have been going out with th kids to dinner and other places. We always split the check and never hug or touch in anyway. We are trying to show the kids that we can all get along like adults. I e gotta say hat things are finally looking up even if it’s only a little. I look back at all the chaos that we have gone thrunin the last 12 months and it’s air ale that I’m still alive. I wen thru so much pain and anger that I was really close to ending it all. I still have a lornod anger and hate towards the guy and I feel like everyone thinks I’m a punk or a push over for allowing all of this. I feel like no one respects me for. It kicking his ass after he beat her so bad but I am keeping faith in the courts that he will get what he deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) I think people were a bit rough with the advise regarding the new woman in your home. She probably ended up playing "nurse" for you during this time, so "throwing her out" like the trash doesn't sound fair. You said you almost wanted to commit suicide. Well maybe she is one of a few people to take credit for you not taking that step. I realise at the end of the day, if you don't want to be with her, then letting her go is best but do it in a respectful manner. If you think she was manipulating you, it was probably just because she wants to be with you but knew you had one foot out the door. We don't choose who we love. When someone loves us but we don't love them in return, at least show them some empathy. Edited August 7, 2018 by marky00 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer2017 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Shaung, What are your plans? Are you considering giving your marriage another try? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted August 15, 2018 Author Share Posted August 15, 2018 I’m not sure, as of right now we ar focusing on getting along for the kids. We have continued to spend time together with the kids but still do not have any type of affection at all towards each other. We simply take the kids out together and focus on them. Who knows what the future holds for us but right now I still have a lot of anger towards the situation. She has her first court date on 9/3 so we’ll see what happens. I am still holding faith in the court system and he will get what he deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted August 19, 2018 Author Share Posted August 19, 2018 (edited) Update: I’m sure by now you all know all the drama that I’ve got going on. I have so much anger and rage that I am turning into a bitter person. I have so much hate in my heart that it’s not healthy at all. I am seriously considering going after this guy for what he did to my kids, myself and for beating her. They have court next Monday and I for now I am putting my faith into the courts system but if he is not punished the way I think he should be then I am seriously considering taking it into my own hands. Yes, she is 50% to blame(propobly more) but my anger is towards him. Mentally I am so screwed up it’s unbelievable and she acts like nothing happened. I am so damn confused and therapy isn’t helping either. I don’t know if I will even recover from this. Edited August 19, 2018 by Shaung Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 You are keeping yourself in it. You should be in a hard NC but you're living on hopium. Focusing on her other man when she's the one who let him in? Why? She's the big problem. You are allowing her to cake eat. What's that getting you? You should wake up yo who she is. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) As far as I know, she’s not with him. She has filed another restraining order and they go to court this Monday. She moved with her sister and is looking for a new job. I would like to think that she has learned her lesson but who knows. Her sister she lives with is a Police officer so I’d like to think the kids are safe with her. I am glad you are going through with the divorce. Please be sure she's not taking your children near him. In fact, she really should have supervised visits. Your children deserve to feel safe, and that includes getting the other woman out of your house immediately. Put your foot down and make her leave. Right now, your main priority needs to be your kids and what is in their best interest. Take this time for yourself and your kids. UPDATE: For some reason, I did not see the rest of the thread until after I posted this. I am always for working on the marriage, but make sure she's willing to work toward reconciliation because she wants to keep her family together and be a GOOD mom and wife. She hasn't shown that propensity so far and she may just be stringing you along because of finances. Personally, I think she has put you too much already. She destroyed you. Why are we always willing to give a second chance to someone who has proven themselves unworthy? Tread carefully and put your children's welfare, happiness and safety first. Edited August 20, 2018 by vla1120 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shaung Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Thanks everyone, this has competition torn me apart. I’ve lost sight a few times on who I really am because of this. Financially I do not help her one bit. I do see a difference in her but not enough yet to want to try again. She is still very selfish and not the loving mother now that she was when our Son was the age our daughter is now. She is always checking social media which I think she is addicted to. Again, I am really screwed up and need a lot of time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Your love for your children needs to outweigh your desire for revenge. If you physically harm or harass the OM you could get into real trouble and your kids will suffer the consequences. Most of the blame belongs on your wife. The OM could not have harmed your marriage or your family if your wife hadn't invited him to do so. It's good that your getting counselling and it's not surprising or concerning that you still have a lot hate and anger. You can't get over something like this in a few months. Usually takes a couple of years at least so don't feel like it's hopeless just because you are still struggling. Let time heal and stay focussed on taking care of yourself and your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 You can't get over something like this in a few months. Some people would never get over this kind of betrayal... certainly not in a way that they would consider taking her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Shaun, for love of your children and yourself, and even your wife File for divorce immediately if you have not already! Your old marriage is dead, she killed it. Put it to rest with the dignity it deserves before starting to revive the relationship. Tell you her YOU need time and detach, detach, detach, and see IC. There is a lot that can happen between filing for divorce and before it is final. Please for love... It was the only thing that got through to my WW... The false R can be even more damaging than the initial A was. Link to post Share on other sites
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