firestar Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 A guy I’ve been seeing is interested in polyamorous relationships (he wants a relationship with 2-3 women who can also have other relationships). Can it work? How hard is it? How do you manage insecurity and jealousy? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 It can work for some people. For other people it's a mess. People do it in a lot of different ways. While there are a couple of poly people on this forum, it's only a tiny few, and you might be better off finding a poly-specific forum to ask questions in. (Of course, be careful, some forums are so deep in the koolaid that they will lecture you for not being Perfectly Enlightened from the start. Every group is different.) Is this guy practicing poly now? Has he ever been in a poly relationship? Or is he just thinking "wouldn't it be cool if I had three girlfriends"? If so, he's in for a rude awakening. It is not that easy to find new girlfriends willing to share, especially as a guy, and even more so if he has a foolish notion that they're all going to want to date each other as well as him. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 (edited) if you are insecure and jealous do not do it but if you have a strong hold over him, if you know your sex together is so great that he returns to you constantly, ok whatever, you should not take your Romeo too seriously, if it feels insecure dating him, that is because it is Edited July 8, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Monogamy is hard, too. So many expectations, many unspoken and assumed. So many temptations, when you don't get the attention and affirmation you want, or sex is lacking or mediocre. Poly is harder, but lacking attention and affirmation are not usually problems. Jealousy can be, but it can be managed. Time management may be the biggest problem, in my experience - yes, I've been in poly relationships. They have been wonderful in many ways, but may not last forever, either - it's often more fluid than traditional monogamy. Poly isn't just about sex - ideally, it's about loving more than one. As with monogamy, though, love isn't always the main driver, but that's a flaw of people, not the concepts. If you want to understand how it can work, and how to deal with possible issues like jealousy, I suggest a couple of books: More Than Two, and The Ethical Slvt (if you check these on amazon, you'll see suggestions for other books that may appeal to you more, or as well). For forums and discussions, check the polyamory web site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I don't know how people can manage with multiple lovers... Sometimes hard to just deal with one. Drama free is what I like. Multiple partners=Drama and STDs. Because eventually someone will fall for the person. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I don't know how people can manage with multiple lovers... Sometimes hard to just deal with one. Drama free is what I like. Multiple partners=Drama and STDs. Because eventually someone will fall for the person. Having NO partners would virtually eliminate the drama risk, and the STIs, even more effectively. The whole POINT of polyamory is falling for someone(s)! Just within a fully consensual and informed set of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 One step is that both people are programmed for it. I personally don't have more than one crush at a time, even if I tried to! My mind and heart just focus on one person that I love, so I wouldn't be able to share them since it wouldn't feel fair that they get multiple partners and I don't, but I wouldn't force myself to have a second partner just because they did. Make sure the person (you) is perfectly fine with imagining your love with someone else, spending precious times and intimate moments with them. If you're alright with this idea, it could work. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 A guy I’ve been seeing is interested in polyamorous relationships (he wants a relationship with 2-3 women who can also have other relationships). My question would be to define 'relationships' Can it work? Sure. How hard is it? Same as any other non-monogamous relationship. How do you manage insecurity and jealousy? Accept the interactions for what they are. Amorous. Now. Here. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Polyamory takes more trust and honesty than monogamy, however, it's a beautiful way of life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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