Overprotective?

[Timshel]

I have a parenting question and I would very much appreciate LS's advice.

 

 

My 13 yr. old daughter has been invited to spend a week with a school friend at an RV camp at the beach about 2 hrs. away from our home. They would be accompanied by the friend's grandmother. I have never met the grandma but have met the girl's parents and the girl has slept over at our house a few times.

 

 

My daughter of course is very excited but I on the other hand am very ambivalent to let her go. I would like very much to not let my fears get the best of me and allow her a fun summer adventure with her friend.

On the other hand, if something happened, I'd never forgive myself.

Also, cell phone reception in this area is spotty to nonexistent and there are no lifeguards/supervision beyond a few park rangers a couple miles from the campsite.

 

 

What would you guys do?

[d0nnivain]

I don't have kids but I'd at least meet the grandmother. After meeting her reassess the situation. Talk to the grandmother about some of your concerns -- no lifeguards & spotty cell service. Maybe the cell service has improved. If it hasn't perhaps you can work out a system where your daughter could call .. . . going somewhere with better signal.

 

My answer would also depend on how well your daughter swims & how mature you think she is. At 13 my parents would have let me go, even though there was no such thing as cell service back then.

 

If you end up deciding she can't go, is there any way you could take one day off that week, to drive her down there so she could go to the beach & spend time with her friend under your supervision? Maybe if you get a better feel for the area & the grandmother you would feel more comfortable letting her go next year?

[Timshel]

Thank you d0nnivain, I like the idea of driving down for the day and having the girls spend time with myself there to supervise.

 

 

The grandmother is not from the area and first meeting would be at travel and leave time. Imagine my changing my mind then, bags packed, never mind, lol. I'll have to use my judgement now.

 

 

I am familiar with the area, it's quite beautiful. I spent whole summers much further away from my parents at a younger age than my daughter without a cell phone in sight.

I sometimes think my parents were insane...I mean nonchalant, ha ha.

 

 

Thank you.

[d0nnivain]

Can somebody set up something like a Skype or something so you can talk to the grandmother? I mean are we talking a spry fun loving 65 something grandmother or an 80 year old with bad knees & poor eyesight?

[BaileyB]

 

I am familiar with the area, it's quite beautiful.

 

Well then, it shouldn't be a hardship to take a good book and enjoy a beautiful drive/day.

 

I think Donnivain gave excellent advice. I hope all works out well.

[Timshel]

Can somebody set up something like a Skype or something so you can talk to the grandmother? I mean are we talking a spry fun loving 65 something grandmother or an 80 year old with bad knees & poor eyesight?

 

 

That's what I am wondering. I'll try to gather more information without being rude.

[Timshel]

Well then, it shouldn't be a hardship to take a good book and enjoy a beautiful drive/day.

 

I think Donnivain gave excellent advice. I hope all works out well.

 

 

Thanks, I agree that a drive for the day would be a good compromise.

 

 

Am I being silly though? A day with mom included is not the same as a week away with a friend.

 

 

 

I would like to be reasonable, I know that some of my best memories were away with my friends having a new adventure.

 

 

Am I being prudish and unreasonable?

[MuddyFootprints]

My kids are 20+ and I still get nervous when they head out to the lake. I still harp the danger of the terrible undertow, make sure they have packed sunscreen, have drinking water, remind them to watch the warning flags and to not go chasing after wind captured inflatables, to make sure they wear their life jacket in the canoes, no swimming after dark...blah. blah. blah.

 

My decision would be based on what I thought grandma's capabilities are and experience around water for all of them.

 

But, I'm a bit of a freak.

[Timshel]

Thank you MuddyFootprints.

 

My training as a lifeguard/WSI only makes me more wary. My daughter is a good swimmer but not experienced. A strong swimmer is no match for the ocean anyway if the ocean is being itself.

 

In recent years, the last time I took my kids to this beach and subsequent googling (today,) bull sharks are common and being caught on shore by fishermen.

 

 

It's not only the water though. Who else will be RVing and two young girls lightly supervised....

 

 

I guess that I am answering my own question. I'm only a little pissed at myself for being too afraid. My daughter is smart and beyond kind. I hate to take something away from her.

 

 

 

Thank you for the responses, the trip would be in the first week of August and was told about the invitation yesterday.

 

 

 

Any input would be helpful as I am truly not sure what is the right thing to do but do have a few days to consider before a reply is necessary.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

With lots of lectures about safety beforehand (including stranger danger, older boys at the partk, etc.), I'd let her go with the stipulation she calls you at least once a day to check in. Get a pre-paid phone card for her to use the campground office phone if you have to.

 

A campground actually sounds like the perfect place to start letting her spread her wings and experience a little independence.

[Els]

I agree with d0nnivan. Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".

[Mr. Lucky]

Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".

 

And yet I'll gently remind, somehow we all grew up without any of these safeguards. No cell phones, bike helmets, toddler leashes or even seat belts for those of us old enough to remember. I think the spread of info online has made us all a little too paranoid about anticipating the worst possible outcome.

 

I'd establish a comfort level with Grandma though some of the ways suggested and then let her go. It sounds like a great trip for a 13-year old, I took a similar one with a friend and his Dad to Alaska when I was her age. We camped in the middle of nowhere, hiked glaciers and survived with only a few bug bites, memories I enjoy to this day. I'll bet she'd have a very similar experience...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

And yet I'll gently remind, somehow we all grew up without any of these safeguards. No cell phones, bike helmets, toddler leashes or even seat belts for those of us old enough to remember. I think the spread of info online has made us all a little too paranoid about anticipating the worst possible outcome.

 

I'd establish a comfort level with Grandma though some of the ways suggested and then let her go. It sounds like a great trip for a 13-year old, I took a similar one with a friend and his Dad to Alaska when I was her age. We camped in the middle of nowhere, hiked glaciers and survived with only a few bug bites, memories I enjoy to this day. I'll bet she'd have a very similar experience...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It was a very normal thing for my sis and me to ride in the back of my dad's pickup, on the highway, on the way home from cheerleading practice, singing at the top of our lungs.....

 

Still alive . (We also camped all the time)

[Timshel]

I agree with d0nnivan. Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".

 

 

The possibility of not being able to contact home worries me as well. She would essentially be going off with the only adults as strangers.

 

 

I have to consider my responsibility as her protector.

 

 

 

Thank you Elswyth.

[Timshel]

Thank you CO and Mr. Lucky, the points the two of you are making are the very reason that I am conflicted.

 

 

CO, she does have her own cell but would be without reception.

 

 

I realize that my own anxiety is the main denominator in my waffling. The struggle is to balance realistic concern with unrealistic fear. I was allowed to have independent experiences at my daughter's age...it is important to not suffocate her because of perhaps unfounded fear.

 

 

I do read the news and the internet as well as personal loss have made me far and away more protective than my parents ever were.

 

 

A family member has suggested that more than one night and not more than three should be considered. Of course with due diligence regarding conversations with the friend's parents and grandma (if possible.)

Edited July 8, 2018 by Timshel

[Mr. Lucky]

I was allowed to have independent experiences at my daughter's age...it is important to not suffocate her because of perhaps unfounded fear.

 

We could bubble-wrap both our kids and the world around them - but to what effect on the protected? I'll assume you've already distilled into her more than a modicum of common sense and awareness. She knows how to cross the street, handle encounters with strangers and swim to the side of the pool.

 

Let her go. It's not too many years from a time she may get into her car and drive to a college hours away. We learn by doing...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

It was a very normal thing for my sis and me to ride in the back of my dad's pickup, on the highway, on the way home from cheerleading practice, singing at the top of our lungs.....

 

Still alive .

 

I think we should both add we're not advocating leaving your children unbuckled. CautiouslyOptimistic, I'm trying to picture the expression on my son and DIL's faces were I to drive up with my grandkids in truck bed :eek: ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

It was a very normal thing for my sis and me to ride in the back of my dad's pickup, on the highway, on the way home from cheerleading practice, singing at the top of our lungs.....

 

Still alive . (We also camped all the time)

 

Oh goodness, we used to ride to the garbage dump in the back of my father’s pickup truck... it was my favorite thing to do. Aside, of course, from the times he let us drive the tractors and the car on the rural roads...

 

Not to mention that we had a backyard pool, and I’m pretty sure I was allowed to swim unsupervised about that age...

 

Come to think of it, how did we ever survive our childhoods??

Edited July 8, 2018 by BaileyB

[MuddyFootprints]

See, that's where people get into trouble in large bodies of water. It's not like swimming in a pool. Kids and their supervisors have to understand the danger. Especially when it is most fun...when it's windy and rough. Constant supervision is imperative, even at that age. Timshel has to have confidence in the supervision.

[PegNosePete]

Come to think of it, how did we ever survive our childhoods??

Yes, most of us did...

 

The laws and safety guards were put in place to protect the small percentage that didn't.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you CO and Mr. Lucky, the points the two of you are making are the very reason that I am conflicted.

 

 

CO, she does have her own cell but would be without reception.

 

 

I realize that my own anxiety is the main denominator in my waffling. The struggle is to balance realistic concern with unrealistic fear. I was allowed to have independent experiences at my daughter's age...it is important to not suffocate her because of perhaps unfounded fear.

 

I understood that she does have her own cell phone, but even without reception, she could go to the campground office and use their phone once a day to check in.

 

I totally get your anxiety. I'm the same way (I watch way too much Investigation Discovery ). I was beside myself the first time my daughter went to the mall with her friends alone at age 13. Then when she got her license. Just yesterday my sister booked a plane ticket for my now 17 year old to go visit her across the country next month.....alone. And again I will be worried sick. But, part of our job is to teach them independence, as hard as that might be sometimes.

[Art_Critic]

Pack her with a cell phone and all the safeguard talks you can think of and send her off to camp, she will have a blast..

 

To me a big part of parenting is filling their lives with good memories that will be with them for the rest of their lives and a camp like she has been invited to falls into the good kind of memory that she should have.

 

I do think maybe you should meet the Grandma just for a face to face but other than that pack her bags...

[Timshel]

Good morning, thanks all!

 

 

Well the lack of phone service is a pretty big issue because there is no 'office'/landline from which she can call. All there is/is a park ranger station a few miles from the campsite she would be staying.

 

Truly, I'd be more comfortable if she could call or text me anytime she wanted or needed since this is the first time she would be spending this much time away.

 

 

If this were camp I'd also be more at ease. There would be counselors, staff, lot's of eyes and safety protocol. It will be just my daughter, her friend and grandmother parked at an RV site in a national park that includes a beach.

 

 

@MuddyFootprints....right, a pool and an ocean are not quite the same swimming experience. Both are fun though!

 

 

I will be speaking to the mom later today to get more detailed information and inquire more about the grandmother. I don't want to come off as interrogating though as I know that they are comfortable with her and were kind enough to ask my daughter to join.

I know in part it is to keep their daughter happy, I mean, I'm sure grandma is fun and all, lol.

 

 

Will update later and let you guys know the final decision, thank you all for taking the time, it's been helpful.

[d0nnivain]

Can you call the ranger station & inquire about the cell service? May it has improved.

[Timshel]

@d0nnivain, I have, yes. The answer is no...most people want to go to this area for the purpose of unplugging and spending quality time in nature with family. The park has no incentive and it's an island.

 

 

I love that it's a place to be away from the grind, it's great...except for my situation, uggh.

 

 

I'm leaning towards your advice atm d0nnivain, except perhaps an overnight with two full days. I'll get more info.

 

 

Thank you.