bradt93 Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Not to be personal, but is it okay to be in a relationship where you don't have sex? I mean are their relationships like that or is it mainly sex all the time now? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Not to be personal, but is it okay to be in a relationship where you don't have sex? I mean are their relationships like that or is it mainly sex all the time now? It is OK to be in a sexless relationship while BOTH parties are perfectly happy without sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 8, 2018 Author Share Posted July 8, 2018 I Keep thinking all these people in relationships are having great sex while I'm not getting any. I don't mean to put it that way, but it's frustrating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 That sounds like more of a "friendship" to me. The desire, physical, and sexual aspects of a relationship are what separates it from friendship, right? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I Keep thinking all these people in relationships are having great sex while I'm not getting any. I don't mean to put it that way, but it's frustrating. Is 1993 your birth year? If so I have a son the same age, he has had a girlfriend for the last nearly 2 years, and they don't have sex. They're both committed Christians so I expect there will be an engagement soon. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Of course it's okay to be in a relationship without sex, no one should feel obligated to have sex with someone just because they are in a relationship with them. As to other people having great sex in their sexual relationships, some do and some don't. While for some others it varies whether it is great or not, as such things often ebb and flow over time. There are also some women and men that find themselves in nominally sexual relationships, where they aren't getting much sex or any sex at all despite wanting to have sex. At the end of the day though it's not doing you any favours, feeling envy for what some other people have. If you want to have sex with others, you will have to put yourself out there socially and preferably frequently. Then ask people out on dates and then have sex with those that turn out to be interested in having sex with you. Or try propositioning some people in the right settings/venues and social circumstances. Also while putting yourself out there, be okay with rejection since you have no entitlement, yet don't let that stop you from trying others. That said if you only get rejections, reassess who you are trying for and reassess your own merit then aim for a lower standard. Then test and adjust until, you find yourself at a level which works. Also if you can't ever get any sex at all, and all you want is sex. You might do well to consider paying a sex worker to get the sex you are after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm seeing a therapist to talk about all this stuff I'm feeling. He's a guy so maybe I will be able to relate to him better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm seeing a therapist to talk about all this stuff I'm feeling. He's a guy so maybe I will be able to relate to him better. I'm going to lose my virginity when I turn 30 this August by going to an escort. I'm so sick of not getting laid, it's driving me insane. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm going to lose my virginity when I turn 30 this August by going to an escort. I'm so sick of not getting laid, it's driving me insane. Well if you're not prepared to do the work that's required, in order to be able to share sex with someone who likes you that way. Then paying for sex is probably the best and only pathway for you to get sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) I'm going to lose my virginity when I turn 30 this August by going to an escort. I'm so sick of not getting laid, it's driving me insane. I wouldn't do that if I were you. "Who was your first?" "Oh, just an escort..." You can be in a sexless relationship if yall are both saving it after marriage. If you can't, but your girl wants to. Then you have a major malfunction. You will start getting disatisfied more with her until you or her end it. If you want sex and she doesn't yet. Talk with her first...don't push her, but if she doesn't want sex still. End it because it will end eventually and you cheating on her will be the cause of it. Find someone who matches you with wanting sex in a relationship. But remember, I rather have a woman who truly loves me than trying to find a piece of ass. Yall get married and your girl will have sex then...you'll have many years of it. And sometimes even then...she wont want to have sex...most of all women are like this. Edited July 9, 2018 by AnotherGuy1234 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 It is OK to be in a sexless relationship while BOTH parties are perfectly happy without sex. This - I assume this is the case with asexual people being in a relationship. They want to share a life together and probably "love" each other but don't have a sex drive. To be honest I don't know how those work so I wonder if anyone reading this can give more info. But this is one example of where this is true. I suppose another example would be conservative couples who want to wait until marriage. In any case, to answer OP's question, yes it is possible but it's not a particularly happy arrangement for most people. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Also while putting yourself out there, be okay with rejection since you have no entitlement, yet don't let that stop you from trying others. That said if you only get rejections, reassess who you are trying for and reassess your own merit then aim for a lower standard. Then test and adjust until, you find yourself at a level which works. Also this - rejection sucks, but the majority of women will reject you. No-one finds absolutely everyone attractive, but you will be attractive to someone. Keep trying, and adjust approaches as needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Also this - rejection sucks, but the majority of women will reject you. No-one finds absolutely everyone attractive, but you will be attractive to someone. Keep trying, and adjust approaches as needed. No, I'm going with the escort. I already have it planned. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 yes you can be bf and gf without sex...it used to be sex came after marriage....some people hold true to this belief that its best to wait....sex doesn't define a relationship, it can enhance a relationship if both people are invested beyond just sexual gratification.... no sex and you first you grow to truly love a person ....before sex is involved... ensures possible true emotional togetherness.....and not physical lust a bond that lasts beyond the physical togetherness can form and strengthen the relationship without sex being on the table .............i wish you well whatever you decide to do ....talking to a therapist sounds like a good idea if you feel really confused... don't make any decisions either way until you have mental and emotional clarity and feel secure in your decisions enough to be confident in them and confidence in the person they may concern.....good luck...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Sure it's possible, if that's what both people want. Where I come from, it's pretty common - some wait for marriage, some have sex sooner than that but only after a year or so, etc. I'm going to lose my virginity when I turn 30 this August by going to an escort. I'm so sick of not getting laid, it's driving me insane. Well, this is a bit of a jump from your original question. By all means go ahead, but I seriously hope you leave your gf first. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 That sounds like more of a "friendship" to me. The desire, physical, and sexual aspects of a relationship are what separates it from friendship, right? Haha, no. While we do have sex, I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the only thing that differentiates us from platonic friends is sex! The couples I know who waited for sex did all sorts of couple-y things except, well, have sex. They frequently went on dates, exchanged sweet nothings, spent hours on the phone, introduced each other to friends and family, held hands when out, etc. Some even kissed or cuddled. And even when it comes to "having sex", there was a whole range of possibilities, with many of the younger couples sticking to purely oral sex without PIV before marriage. Granted, this all probably isn't common in Western cultures. But it happens elsewhere, and is certainly "possible". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I Keep thinking all these people in relationships are having great sex while I'm not getting any. I don't mean to put it that way, but it's frustrating. So, you're trying to alleviate your own envy by trying to believe these couples are not having sex anyway? You can tell yourself that until you're blue in the face, but it's likely not true for the majority of couples. Brad, excuse me if this has already been discussed, but are you on the spectrum? Or perhaps an Aspie? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm going to lose my virginity when I turn 30 this August by going to an escort. Unless you are going to a legal brothel in Nevada, you will be breaking the law. Many years ago, I was approached by a neighbor (at the time) that had been caught up in a sting. An undercover police woman was posing as an escort and he got caught. Why he approached me for legal advice was a mystery, as I am NOT an attorney; I just told him to seek out a criminal defense attorney and take that individual's advice. I do know he regretted his choice, that night. I have no idea what today's laws are like or what the penalties may be, but I would think twice about this decision. Just my two cents... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 So, you're trying to alleviate your own envy by trying to believe these couples are not having sex anyway? You can tell yourself that until you're blue in the face, but it's likely not true for the majority of couples. Brad, excuse me if this has already been discussed, but are you on the spectrum? Or perhaps an Aspie? I do have symptoms of aspergers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 If you are dating somebody there is some romance whether hand holding, kissing or sex. There is something. Without that physical piece it's just friendship. While I'm not a fan of your escort plan, if you think it will make you feel better to lose your virginity, do it. Be very safe. Use a condom & a dental dam for oral. Understand when you disclose to a future partner that you have been with a pro she might drop you then & there. This decision of yours has consequences. You will also not get the most important part of sex -- the intellectual & emotional closeness. It will be a purely mechanical, physical act. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bradt93 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm going to see a new therapist. I'm beginning to doubt if romance is possible for me with the symptoms of aspergers I have. You all have no idea how some form of autism can hold someone up on the important aspects of life. If you all know some people with aspergers, I apologize. Relationships come so easy for you all, but it's tough on us aspies to truly understand relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm going to see a new therapist. I'm beginning to doubt if romance is possible for me with the symptoms of aspergers I have. You all have no idea how some form of autism can hold someone up on the important aspects of life. If you all know some people with aspergers, I apologize. Relationships come so easy for you all, but it's tough on us aspies to truly understand relationships. Don't lose hope. I have a relative with Asperger's and he has been married for a few years and has a baby. I don't think it's EASY being married to him , but I do believe there's a lid for every pot. You may have to adjust your expectations, and I hope a therapist can help you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Not to be personal, but is it okay to be in a relationship where you don't have sex? I mean are their relationships like that or is it mainly sex all the time now? many people have romantic relationships that don't involve sexual activity. most of them have been married for a while Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm 65 and lived a long time and never met an asexual couple. Well, maybe one who has a mail-order bride, but she's not asexual by choice I'm quite sure. Anyway, you're not asexual and most people are sexual and want a sexual relationship, so no, it's not likely these people you are seeing are not having sex if they are, in fact, a couple or married or engaged or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I'm going to see a new therapist. I'm beginning to doubt if romance is possible for me with the symptoms of aspergers I have. You all have no idea how some form of autism can hold someone up on the important aspects of life. If you all know some people with aspergers, I apologize. Relationships come so easy for you all, but it's tough on us aspies to truly understand relationships. I know several people on the Aspy scale. hopefully the new therapist can help you develop coping mechanisms so you can better manage. You go through getting your AA. You have abilities. Hang in there & happy birthday in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
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