AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) First of all we are in a long distance relationship (2 hrs away and I try to see her every weekend) and she says we are serious. I am serious with her. We've been dating for about a year. She is a very outgoing woman and everyone loves her. So to my story, my girlfriend has been letting me know her ex-boyfriend has been texting her and she has been texting him recently. They are mostly talking about tattoos and his friend's boyfriend died- that I know of. She also told me that he asked her if she was still seeing me and told him yes. I was basically like this to my girlfriend, "well he needs to go somewhere else because he is trying to work his way back to you". She said, "He knows better. He just knew he lost a good thing". So last night my girlfriend's buddy came over and did a tattoo for her and stayed with us. He is a cool dude. We were all talking and she was telling me and her guy friend that her Ex asked if he could come over sometime and let my girlfriend's buddy do a full back tattoo and if I was cool with him coming over. She told him I would have no problem with it. I didn't say nothing because I was thinking...."well you didn't even ask me about this". I just kept my mouth closed. She said that she is doing it for her guyfriend because he is trying to make money doing tattoos and wanted to do a full back tattoo. So, I guess both guys do not know each other is why my girl is willing to let her Ex come over. Now. When her and I started dating...the guy friend that does her tattoos was hanging out with her at her place one day. She was talking to him about letting her Ex come hang out with them. Her guy friend advised against it because of me. She told me all of this. And now here we are with this. I know she is trying to help her guy friend get business...but. I am glad and thankful my girlfriend told me about everything and didn't hide it. I trust her fully. But, I don't know how I feel about the ex coming over and doing a tattoo. I don't want my girl to think i do not trust her. But like I told her before...women are naive sometimes, because some "guyfriends" want more especially if it is an Ex. What would you guys do? Edited July 9, 2018 by AnotherGuy1234 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 He's an obvious danger to your relationship, especially given the LDR aspect. You'll have to decide how emphatically you want to emphasize boundaries and what her reaction will be. Given her proactive part in this, she may be less "serious" than you are... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) He's an obvious danger to your relationship, especially given the LDR aspect. You'll have to decide how emphatically you want to emphasize boundaries and what her reaction will be. Given her proactive part in this, she may be less "serious" than you are... Mr. Lucky She says we are serious and she is in love with me. Like my other thread I posted. We worked it out I think in a way she is being naive and too nice. She is sweet and awesome...so I know people will be attractive to her. She may not want nothing to do with him; I feel like she doesn't, but him trying to work in like this... I may tell her that I really feel uncomfortable with him coming around...especially when he still has interest in her. I respect her telling me about him texting her and stuff. I know she wants to help her guy friend, but the guy can drive to his place if he wants a tattoo. Him coming around her will only make him want her more. I will even remind her about her guy friend telling her not to let the ex come over before to hang out when her and I started dating. Though, if she values our relationship as she says she does...I know she wouldn't do nothing. But it is best to avoid this situation with any Ex. Edited July 9, 2018 by AnotherGuy1234 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Yea, tell her you prefer her ex have his tattoos done elsewhere... for the health and safety of you’re relationship. You just need to let her know you like firm boundaries, and you don’t like her ex’s sniffing around. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Yea, tell her you prefer her ex have his tattoos done elsewhere... for the health and safety of you’re relationship. You just need to let her know you like firm boundaries, and you don’t like her ex’s sniffing around. Yeah, I will do that. Tell her he doesn't need to come around. She can give her guy friends number to him for the tattoo work. I know my woman is friendly and she doesn't like to hurt people's feelings. So, I know she is trying to be nice, but the guy clearly wants more than what she wants. It will only stir up his passion more to her when he needs to face it that he needs to find someone else. She isn't hiding nothing from me since she is telling me this. Should I tell her they can be friends or cease contact? I don't want to be controlling, because she can be friends with whoever she wants because I do trust her and her love for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I think you'll find three is a crowd. An X in the mix doesn't ever work out well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 women are naive sometimes, because some "guyfriends" want more especially if it is an Ex. Ha - that old chestnut. Sure, "sometimes". But wayyy more often they play the naive card when they know 100% what the story is. That doesn't mean she wants him back or wants to do anything inappropriate. It just means she knows what's going on and enjoys the attention. But yeah, why can't the tattoo artist just call the guy and arrange a place to do it between them? Using your GF's place seems strange not to mention unhygienic. Should I tell her they can be friends or cease contact? I don't want to be controlling, because she can be friends with whoever she wants because I do trust her and her love for me. You just answered your own question...? You can't tell someone what to do or who they can talk to. But you can tell her what makes you uncomfortable and what you will and will not accept in a committed relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Ok, I am waiting on her to text me this morning. I am going to have my usual good morning text with her. Or should I wait til I see her this Friday and talk about it face to face? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I think in a way she is being naive and too nice. She is sweet and awesome...so I know people will be attractive to her. She may not want nothing to do with him; I feel like she doesn't, but him trying to work in like this... Your interpretation... It just means she knows what's going on and enjoys the attention. What's really going on... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Should this be something I address face to face or can I do it over text? I know face to face will let you know what and how the person really feels because sometimes you can read into text messages all wrong.. But this is on my mind and do not know when the dude wants to get the tattoo done Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Call her. It's not up to her to find *places* for her friend to tattoo. This guy should do his tattoo in his own place whether he knows the people or not. The ex is not a stranger from the street, he's being referred by your gf. He should go to his place....and your girlfriend doesn't need to be there through the whole process, I am sure 2 big guys can handle a back tattoo just fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Not text. There will be too many misunderstandings. Either use the voice feature of the phone or wait until in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) Called her. She understood and apologized for assuming that I would be ok with it and that she should've asked. She said she would never go back to him because of the baggage he has (drug/jail charges). I told her I appreciated her being open and letting me know everything and not hiding nothing. And I told her I wouldn't hide nothing from her. I told her, "I am not stopping you from being friends with anyone because I am not trying to control you. I know it is your house, but we are in a relationship. But the dude seems to still be interested in you by asking you if you were still with me. I told her if I had an Ex that did this..I would avoid them like a plague. It would only invite drama in if you try to keep them around. I don't know the dude. Her and I both don't want drama, but he could be the type that wants drama. He could be the type that doesn't accept no nor just want to be friends. So it is be to avoid him coming around. He has a car and can go get the tattoo." I reminded her what her guy friend told her that time when her and I started dating with her wanting to invite this dude over. Her guy friend said no because her and I are together and it wouldn't look good. She remembered that when I told her about it again. She said she would let the guy know. She is cool with it all and didn't try to be all defensive. Like I figured, she just wanted to be friendly, but like I warned her before...some people want more than what you think they want. It is best to avoid those situations. Edited July 9, 2018 by AnotherGuy1234 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Nicely done. I think you handled it very well. I'm still sceptical about her alleged naivete but you've shown her how a trustworthy person behaves so now she knows what's expected it's all good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 10, 2018 Author Share Posted July 10, 2018 Nicely done. I think you handled it very well. I'm still sceptical about her alleged naivete but you've shown her how a trustworthy person behaves so now she knows what's expected it's all good. Thanks man I trust her. She just is a very outgoing person. She doesn't like making enemies. That's one of the many things I love about her. She didn't hide this whole situation from me; which I am very thankful for. We just about have been together for a year. She knows I am a great catch for her and her children. She is a great catch- she is an awesome mother and loves to do just about everything I like doing. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Thanks man I trust her. She just is a very outgoing person. She doesn't like making enemies. That's one of the many things I love about her. She didn't hide this whole situation from me; which I am very thankful for. We just about have been together for a year. She knows I am a great catch for her and her children. She is a great catch- she is an awesome mother and loves to do just about everything I like doing. Wait! She has children by who? Are those kids her Ex in this sorry? If so he'll always be apart of her life because if those kids are his. How long was she with the EX. (more than a year, more than 10 years) Jail, Drugs, etc.. That doesn't mean much to a woman like her they always go back to the Ex they're excited about it. I hope you are more like Alpha man because this is the only way your going to be able to hold on to such a woman like her. She can tell you anything and you trust her and believe her. You might be in for a surprise that will shock the hell out you. Let's hope that never happens. If that Ex is not the kids father she shouldn't have any contact with him when your in her life. Not fair to you. But if he's the kids dad you don't have much rights to keep him away. Alpha male like him not going to stop trying to win her back and she can easily drop those panties and you might never know. That's truth how loyal is she to you but yet he knows what she likes and she might give in. Top call to make, hope you can keep her interested in you 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnotherGuy1234 Posted July 10, 2018 Author Share Posted July 10, 2018 Wait! She has children by who? Are those kids her Ex in this sorry? If so he'll always be apart of her life because if those kids are his. How long was she with the EX. (more than a year, more than 10 years) Jail, Drugs, etc.. That doesn't mean much to a woman like her they always go back to the Ex they're excited about it. I hope you are more like Alpha man because this is the only way your going to be able to hold on to such a woman like her. She can tell you anything and you trust her and believe her. You might be in for a surprise that will shock the hell out you. Let's hope that never happens. If that Ex is not the kids father she shouldn't have any contact with him when your in her life. Not fair to you. But if he's the kids dad you don't have much rights to keep him away. Alpha male like him not going to stop trying to win her back and she can easily drop those panties and you might never know. That's truth how loyal is she to you but yet he knows what she likes and she might give in. Top call to make, hope you can keep her interested in you 100% No, he is not the kids father. I know both the fathers and get along with them so far. One is married. One finally got a job and lives with his mother She wasn't with this guy long I was talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
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