Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[elaine567]

Unless you make a positive serious attempt to sort yourself out, then I see no rosy future for you here.

He will get on with his marriage and you will keep the torch burning.

One day maybe when she is pregnant, or they have been fighting he will reach out to you. You hate to see him so neglected, so hurt and so sooner or latter you sleep with him and start an affair. He loves you he has always loved you and you are in seventh heaven, he will leave his wife and everything will be wonderful... but not quite yet..

...after the baby is born, after New Year, after the holidays, after the kids go to school, after he gets a new job, after the kids go to college, after he pays off the mortgage, after his wife dies... there is never really a good time.

You watch and wait on the sidelines, whilst he goes on and builds his lovely married life, complete with kids, new houses, hew cars, exciting holidays and cute pets...

 

Please don't do it. Get help if you need it.

[Beachead]

I hate writing this post. I thought I was passed feeling this way. I haven’t ever stopped thinking about him and seeing him so happy as he was marrying her made me feel so warm and toasty inside. I genuinely felt happiness that he was happy. But I miss him so much.

 

It hit me all at once. I didn’t expect it at all. It’s so hard to explain. I’m still happy that he’s happy, but I wish I could be the one making him that happy, or at least share in his happiness. I don’t know.

 

All I know is he’s so happy and fulfilled, and I’m hurt and lonely.

 

God I’m so in love with him. I love him so much it physically hurts. I truly don’t believe I’ll ever stop loving him.

 

Doesn't surprise me that you dropped a post like this. You should start listening to the advice you're receiving.

[Madd_hatter]

What advice have I not taken?

 

I can’t just tell myself to not feel hurt or sad. I can’t make myself stop feeling this way as much as I wish I could.

 

You guys act as if it’s my choice. You act as if I’m such a dirty adulterous home wrecker.

 

I haven’t done anything wrong.

 

You guys always make me feel worse than what I already do

[Blanco]

What advice have I not taken?

 

I've skimmed the thread, but it seems like people have advised you to cut this guy out of your life. You haven't. You were advised not to run his errand for him. You did. Many advised you not to attend the wedding. You did.

 

I can’t just tell myself to not feel hurt or sad. I can’t make myself stop feeling this way as much as I wish I could.

 

No one said you should be able to tell yourself not to feel that. What people have told you is that there comes a point where you have to stop leaning into the addiction of your obsession. That's not the same as saying, "Instantly stop feeling these things."

 

You guys act as if it’s my choice. You act as if I’m such a dirty adulterous home wrecker.

 

In a way, it is now your choice, because you continue to nourish your obsession over a now-married man. No one thinks you're a dirty homewrecker, but let's be real: You knowingly slept with an engaged man. That's not all on him.

 

I haven’t done anything wrong.

 

I think this man's wife would disagree.

 

You guys always make me feel worse than what I already do

 

From what I've seen, people here have been pretty cordial and attempted to be helpful. This thread wouldn't be 20 pages deep if that weren't the case, because this forum is very heavily moderated to zap cruel or unhelpful posts.

 

I know you feel awful and I think most of us can relate to feeling like we'll never get over someone. But listen: You have to start behaving as though you have some control over your own life. What are you actively doing to move on from this man?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

I haven’t done anything wrong.

 

Well, yes you have, but that's not the point.

 

If you WANT to feel better and truly desire to let go of these feelings for him, find a good therapist and work toward that goal. Only you know if you truly want to stop feeling this way.

[Beachead]

What advice have I not taken?

 

I can’t just tell myself to not feel hurt or sad. I can’t make myself stop feeling this way as much as I wish I could.

 

You guys act as if it’s my choice. You act as if I’m such a dirty adulterous home wrecker.

 

I haven’t done anything wrong.

 

You guys always make me feel worse than what I already do

 

You went to the wedding, you got this guy's cufflinks for him, you still go to the same church..he's still in your life. What advice did you follow?

 

You have an excuse for everything OP because in your head, there's nothing you can do, you have no choice and you are a helpless victim. The battle for you ends right there because you've taken all the responsibility out of your hands. So, it's no surprise to me that you've been here for 6 months on this thread and here you are still feeling as sh*tty now as you did back then.

 

How do you plan to heal when you keep touching the flame that keeps on burning you? You keep expecting a different result but nothing is changing here. Fire burns. He hurts you. Accept it.

 

You have a choice. Cut the guy out and keep him out.

 

We've felt it. We've had to get through it. We've gotten passed it. We're telling you how to do it.

 

Listen.

 

- Beach

Edited October 8, 2018 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

You went to the wedding, you got this guy's cufflinks for him, you still go to the same church..he's still in your life. What advice did you follow?

 

You have an excuse for everything OP because in your head, there's nothing you can do, you have no choice and you are a helpless victim. The battle for you ends right there because you've taken all the responsibility out of your hands. So, it's no surprise to me that you've been here for 6 months on this thread and here you are still feeling as sh*tty now as you did back then.

 

How do you plan to heal when you keep touching the flame that keeps on burning you? You keep expecting a different result but nothing is changing here. Fire burns. He hurts you. Accept it.

 

You have a choice. Cut the guy out and keep him out.

 

We've felt it. We've had to get through it. We've gotten passed it. We're telling you how to do it.

 

Listen.

 

- Beach

 

I haven’t attended church in months except for the time I gave him the cuff links. But besides that, it’s been weeks. I stopped following him on every and any social media. I went to the wedding because I felt going would make a bigger statement than not going. I haven’t called, texted, emailed, or checked his Facebook. What more can I do?

 

You say cut him out. What’s left to cut? Please tell me what else I have to cut? I’ve let go of so much already. Don’t think it doesn’t hurt to leave the church I was raised in. I’ve even stopped talking to our mutual friends because I don’t want his conversation to come up.

 

Seriously, no credit at all for all that?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I haven’t attended church in months except for the time I gave him the cuff links. But besides that, it’s been weeks. I stopped following him on every and any social media. I went to the wedding because I felt going would make a bigger statement than not going. I haven’t called, texted, emailed, or checked his Facebook. What more can I do?

 

You say cut him out. What’s left to cut? Please tell me what else I have to cut? I’ve let go of so much already. Don’t think it doesn’t hurt to leave the church I was raised in. I’ve even stopped talking to our mutual friends because I don’t want his conversation to come up.

 

Seriously, no credit at all for all that?

 

I'll give you credit for that <3.

 

But I also think you need therapy. And maybe try getting out there and dating.

[nospam99]

I haven’t attended church in months except for the time I gave him the cuff links. But besides that, it’s been weeks. I stopped following him on every and any social media. I went to the wedding because I felt going would make a bigger statement than not going. I haven’t called, texted, emailed, or checked his Facebook. What more can I do?

 

You say cut him out. What’s left to cut? Please tell me what else I have to cut? I’ve let go of so much already. Don’t think it doesn’t hurt to leave the church I was raised in. I’ve even stopped talking to our mutual friends because I don’t want his conversation to come up.

 

Seriously, no credit at all for all that?

 

IMHO, bad moves to stop going to church and stop talking to friends. Your faith, your church, your friends are positive parts of your life. Cut them off and you cut off your self and what sustains you. My advice, socialize and date. Be picky. But find a guy (or gal if you 'roll' both ways) to consider (don't jump in) as a romantic partner and spend time, fun time, LOTS of fun time, with them to see if you and they can build a relationship. Be prepared to 'next' if they're not 'for you'. Be patient. Rinse and repeat. Just sayin'

[Beachead]

I haven’t attended church in months except for the time I gave him the cuff links. But besides that, it’s been weeks. I stopped following him on every and any social media. I went to the wedding because I felt going would make a bigger statement than not going. I haven’t called, texted, emailed, or checked his Facebook. What more can I do?

 

You say cut him out. What’s left to cut? Please tell me what else I have to cut? I’ve let go of so much already. Don’t think it doesn’t hurt to leave the church I was raised in. I’ve even stopped talking to our mutual friends because I don’t want his conversation to come up.

 

Seriously, no credit at all for all that?

 

OP,

 

Yea you get credit for it but who cares about getting my credit. This isn't about me. It's about you returning to yourself..a better version of yourself.

 

If you've done those things then that's good. There's nothing else to cut and I'm happy to hear it. But, when this guy contacts you again for another favour or because he wants you to see his first born child or something to that effect, what are you going to do OP?

 

Could you ignore him? Could you turn him down? Be ready.

 

I know leaving that church hurt you but, it doesn't mean that you can't ever come back. It doesn't change your faith or your relationship with God. This is something that is spiritual and within you. All you need is another church for the time being until you regain your strength..and you will. When you feel good, you return.

 

Don't think I don't know what the nights feel like; awake with your thoughts. When you finally fall asleep, bad dreams wake you up and make it feel like someone put a building on your chest. You can't eat. You can't think. Everything around you reminds you of them. You check your phone hoping to see a missed call or a message but there's nothing. When it does go off, it's not them. Everyone but them contacts you when it's them you want to hear from. Somehow, someway you have to make peace with the fact that life has to go on without them and you have to cut them out when the only thing you want is opposite. Just as you make peace with it, there they come back to screw with your head again. Your heart breaks all over again. Rinse and repeat.

 

Doesn't matter how good you feel he is..he damages. Accept.

 

So, the question is then what do you do? How do you go on? You go on, that's how..and you find a way to make it easier for yourself. This is not a time to be giving to others. This is a time to be giving to yourself because it'll take everything you have in you to get the job done.

 

If you find staying where you are isn't improving your state of mind after months from now, then I'd take a job outside of your town and move away for awhile. I'd focus on meeting new people there as friends and exploring but I'd keep in contact with 1-2 close friends and my family to keep me grounded. I'd get a therapist to let the pain out and I'd use this forum and other forums like it for additional help and I'd write. This would be my support system for when those late night thoughts creep into my mind and try to wipe me out. The new life and the change of scene will cleanse you.

 

Some said try dating again but I wouldn't just yet. Your wounds are within. Only you can fix it. Those men will distract you for awhile but they ultimately won't suffice. You need the alone time to let those demons come in. To see what they have to say. To learn about them. Then you need to get into the ring, put your fists up, and kill em. Your support system will protect you for when the fight gets hard.

 

Do this and there's going to be a day that comes where you wake up and feel better. On that day, all this is going to make sense to you and its going to change your life.

 

- Beach

Edited October 9, 2018 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

Heart is full of pain tonight. Maybe more than ever before. I feel like whatever I do is wrong. I feel like the people I trust the most always end up hurting me. I feel like a complete failure. I feel totally discouraged and unmotivated. I’ve cried so much my eyes are swollen and feel raw. My stomach feels so sick and empty. I can’t sleep.

 

I miss him so much it’s hard to breathe. I keep imagining them in bed together right now. Probably in each other’s arms. More than likely just finished making love. The thought makes me wince but I can’t get it out of my head.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Heart is full of pain tonight. Maybe more than ever before. I feel like whatever I do is wrong. I feel like the people I trust the most always end up hurting me. I feel like a complete failure. I feel totally discouraged and unmotivated. I’ve cried so much my eyes are swollen and feel raw. My stomach feels so sick and empty. I can’t sleep.

 

I miss him so much it’s hard to breathe. I keep imagining them in bed together right now. Probably in each other’s arms. More than likely just finished making love. The thought makes me wince but I can’t get it out of my head.

 

Do you want to stop feeling this way, or do you feel like if you stop grieving over him it means he will be fully out of your life and you don't want to let him go?

[LoverOfDance]

Op, i don't mean to be insensitive. I tried to make you open your eyes and see this man as he truly is but then i realized i can't. No one can save you. You have to save yourself. I prayed for you and i prayed that God gives you the strength to get through this.

 

In this situation, there is no way out but in. Believe it or not, the crying is actually a good thing. You have to cry until there are no tears left to cry. Keep going. The road is painful and it might not feel like it but you're on the right track.

[Madd_hatter]

Do you want to stop feeling this way, or do you feel like if you stop grieving over him it means he will be fully out of your life and you don't want to let him go?

 

You’re absolutely right. The last thing I want in this world is to let him go. I’ve never wanted that. I still don’t. It’s the hardest thing for me, letting him go.

 

I’m terrified of what will happen. It is adultery now he is a married man. Oh god saying that really makes it sound so much more real. He’s married. It’s really not ever going to happen.

 

I can’t ever be his friend. As much as I want to, I know it would be horrible for me. But if that’s the only thing I can have from him, then that’s what I want. I’m telling myself I need to let go but I really don’t want to.

[elaine567]

Would it be possible for you to up sticks and leave, as that is what you need. A wider perspective on life and what it has to offer, and to get out of this claustrophobic pit of misery.

[JuneL]

I remember that I mourned for a long time when things didn’t work out with my first serious boyfriend. But our feelings were mutual when we were together. I am just baffled that you can feel this way for someone who has never had a tiny bit of romantic interest in you.

[elaine567]

I remember that I mourned for a long time when things didn’t work out with my first serious boyfriend. But our feelings were mutual when we were together. I am just baffled that you can feel this way for someone who has never had a tiny bit of romantic interest in you.

 

 

She has crushed on him for the last 10 years, diligently being his good friend all that time, he then took her virginity because he knew he could, and despite him acting like a cad, he is HER man.

It is unrequited love.

[JuneL]

She has crushed on him for the last 10 years, diligently being his good friend all that time, he then took her virginity because he knew he could, and despite him acting like a cad, he is HER man.

It is unrequited love.

 

My point was, when I was mourning the breakup, what I was really mourning were all those memories where I was made to feel so special by my then bf. But the OP has always been the guy’s doormat and orbiter all along.

[Beachead]

Would it be possible for you to up sticks and leave, as that is what you need. A wider perspective on life and what it has to offer, and to get out of this claustrophobic pit of misery.

 

I suggest this too. 1-2 years elsewhere. Just to get away from this and find a new scene that has no memory. She could end up meeting new people and discover new life. She doesn't have to let go of her family or the support because this is what social media was originally intended for. There is Video Calling from all Social Apps now. Nothing has to be forever and she can come back when she feels good and full of strength if wishes to.

 

Given her intense addiction to this guy, something extreme like this will do the job throw her right into healing. I can imagine feeling the benefit of it as soon as 3 months.

[JuneL]

I suggest this too. 1-2 years elsewhere. Just to get away from this and find a new scene that has no memory. She could end up meeting new people and discover new life. She doesn't have to let go of her family or the support because this is what social media was originally intended for. There is Video Calling from all Social Apps now. Nothing has to be forever and she can come back when she feels good and full of strength if wishes to.

 

Given her intense addiction to this guy, something extreme like this will do the job throw her right into healing. I can imagine feeling the benefit of it as soon as 3 months.

 

Plenty of people leave their hometown for college/grad school/work, and some never move back. The OP is still so young. There should be unlimited opportunity in front of her.

[Madd_hatter]

Ok.. I’m young. I don’t have a whole lot of experience with guys. So I ask this question honestly.

 

Is it possible to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you in return?

Is it possible to be in love with someone you’ve never been with romantically?

How can you control your heart and stop loving someone?

 

I don’t believe love is a choice. It’s not logical. It doesn’t make sense all the time. It’s not always sunshine and daisies. Sometime you fall for someone and they don’t reciprocate. Doesn’t mean it’s not love. Sometimes love is down right ugly. It’s painful. It’s dark.

 

I still want him to be happy, even if it means making me miserable. It hurts a lot though. I want you guys to know that. It hurts a whole lot.

 

I’ve never had anyone tell me how great or special I am. I’ve never had a guy tell me I’m beautiful. I’ve never had someone fall in love with me, or even so much as to like me a lot.

 

I don’t think I’m a bad person. I know I’m nice, I know I’m funny, I know I’m smart. I’m not very outgoing, I’m very shy, very quiet, socially awkward, don’t really drink, don’t smoke, don’t gamble, I never use profanity.

 

I know I’m not very pretty. But I have a big heart. I know I don’t have a ton to offer but I am loyal. I’m trustworthy.

 

Feeling so discouraged.

[elaine567]

My point was, when I was mourning the breakup, what I was really mourning were all those memories where I was made to feel so special by my then bf. But the OP has always been the guy’s doormat and orbiter all along.

Yes but for her it was better than nothing.

The odd kiss over the years and now the sex fuelled the fire.

Now it is rejection she is facing up to, hence the devastation, but I have a feeling he just need to snap his fingers and the OP will come running, unless she wakes up first.

[JuneL]

What you’re experiencing is obsession. Why are you not seeing a therapist or at least a counselor?

 

Ok.. I’m young. I don’t have a whole lot of experience with guys. So I ask this question honestly.

 

Is it possible to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you in return?

Is it possible to be in love with someone you’ve never been with romantically?

How can you control your heart and stop loving someone?

Edited October 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LoverOfDance]

Love is NOT painful or ugly. Love is NOT dark. You're a christian. If anyone should know this, it's you. Love is the exact OPPOSITE of the things you've just mentioned. Your understanding of love is upside down.

[Madd_hatter]

Love is NOT painful or ugly. Love is NOT dark. You're a christian. If anyone should know this, it's you. Love is the exact OPPOSITE of the things you've just mentioned. Your understanding of love is upside down.

 

You’re right.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Love never fails.

 

 

Lover of dance, I want to say thank you for reminding me. God bless you

Edited October 9, 2018 by Madd_hatter