Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[No_Go]

Wouldn’t it be too late to get a refund? If you have a panic attack and have to miss couple days of work, it’s pretty serious. At the very least, talk to your primary care doctor!!

 

^ Yes on that.

 

What people think is panic attacks could be a health problem that should be addressed, sometimes urgently.

 

When I was broken up with my ex but still living together and fighting every night I though I have 'anxiety' and this would explain my shortness of breath. Well, it turned that it was a freaky medical condition - pulmonary embolism, i.e. blood clots in my lungs that would have killed me promptly if I didn't go to ER and attributed my symptoms to 'anxiety'.....

[elaine567]

LoD, it has nothing to do with empathy or competition - it is stating the facts as they are to make OP see through the situation with clear eyes and mind. Otherwise I am absolutely with you that the person who is at fault here is the guy, not OP or his other woman, they are both his victims in a way...

Is the OP a victim?

OK this guy is "at fault" for cheating on his fiancée.

He saw an opportunity for sex and grabbed it, but the OP knew he was engaged and she knew what she was doing, this was not rape or a sexual assault, she is not a minor or an employee or a tenant or some other person obligated to him which he took advantage of..

This was consensual sex between two adults.

I do not see her as the victim here.

[JuneL]

^ Yes on that.

 

What people think is panic attacks could be a health problem that should be addressed, sometimes urgently.

 

When I was broken up with my ex but still living together and fighting every night I though I have 'anxiety' and this would explain my shortness of breath. Well, it turned that it was a freaky medical condition - pulmonary embolism, i.e. blood clots in my lungs that would have killed me promptly if I didn't go to ER and attributed my symptoms to 'anxiety'.....

 

Her primary care doctor can help even if it IS anxiety (e.g., prescribing her light medication to calm her down!).

 

No Go: I thought they would only do a routine ECG in your situation...what other symptoms gave them the clue to test for your lungs?

[No_Go]

Is the OP a victim?

OK this guy is "at fault" for cheating on his fiancée.

He saw an opportunity for sex and grabbed it, but the OP knew he was engaged and she knew what she was doing, this was not rape or a sexual assault, she is not a minor or an employee or a tenant or some other person obligated to him which he took advantage of..

This was consensual sex between two adults.

I do not see her as the victim here.

 

If I remember correctly he wasn’t engaged back then just considering proposing to his gf of few months.

 

But that’s not the point.

 

OP’s obsessive love with him wasn’t born in a vacuum, I’m betting money he has been aware of it from a long while and *enjoying* her attention, knowing he’s not interested in reciprocating. If that doesn’t make her a victim, what does?

[No_Go]

Her primary care doctor can help even if it IS anxiety (e.g., prescribing her light medication to calm her down!).

 

No Go: I thought they would only do a routine ECG in your situation...what other symptoms gave them the clue to test for your lungs?

 

True, PCP visit will be useful in any case.

 

For my PE: my only physical symptom was shortness of breath. D-r told me in young otherwise healthy women especially taking BC, clots are often the reason and it’s life threatening condition that can’t wait. The way to check is a chemical called D-dimer which the clots release in the blood stream. CT scan later, but my point is simple blood test practically saved my life...

[elaine567]

OP’s obsessive love with him wasn’t born in a vacuum, I’m betting money he has been aware of it from a long while and *enjoying* her attention, knowing he’s not interested in reciprocating. If that doesn’t make her a victim, what does?

But that doesn't make her a victim either.

The fact she is obsessing about a man that has a gf is her responsibility surely?

[preraph]

They should have had a psychiatrist examine you. This is all mental. That's who you need to see. If they'd known why you had it, they would have.

 

I went to the ER at around 4 am. They did all kinds of tests and everything came back fine. They said it was an anxiety/panic attack, and that I was extremely exhausted. Dehydrated too which I can’t understand because I drink a ton of water lol

 

<SNIP>

Edited October 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

You need to go on that trip. Because your world is WAY too small and that's part of this entire problem you have. You don't want to get better or you'd go to a psychologist and you would have told the ER what was going on and they would have called in a psychiatrist. You need to work on yourself, not sit there sustaining yourself by stalking his social media.

[lana-banana]

OP, you should go on that trip unless you are utterly unable to function in public (and that doesn't sound like the case). This guy has already taken so much of your time and your life; don't let him rob you of the opportunity to enjoy a spectacular trip with dear friends. The first day or so might be hard, but I think if you don't go you will almost certainly regret it. Life is too short to waste energy on someone who treats you poorly. Your friends are wonderful people who love you. If anyone deserves your attention, it's them.

[preraph]

There's a lot of good looking guys in that area. Go and flirt.

[No_Go]

But that doesn't make her a victim either.

The fact she is obsessing about a man that has a gf is her responsibility surely?

 

Yeah, the thing is it was going on way before the gf was even in the picture. He didn’t put any boundaries and I bet money he was completely aware she’s young naive virgin crushing on him. It is very easy to manipulate people like this just because they don’t have the experience . If she was sleeping around and seen it all, yeah, blame will be on her. But here it’s taking advantage of the situation from his end IMO.

[Madd_hatter]

Yeah, the thing is it was going on way before the gf was even in the picture. He didn’t put any boundaries and I bet money he was completely aware she’s young naive virgin crushing on him. It is very easy to manipulate people like this just because they don’t have the experience . If she was sleeping around and seen it all, yeah, blame will be on her. But here it’s taking advantage of the situation from his end IMO.

 

Thank you!!

 

It’s not as if I just met the guy. I’ve been crazy about him since forever.

[No_Go]

Madd, is he older than you? Is there anything else that you'd say was keeping him at distance over the years? I mean something like family, background, age gap etc?

 

The whole story is terrible towards you. He wasn't clueless that you're crazy about him, and your feeling didn't develop in a vacuum, he was feeding them for sure.

 

Thank you!!

 

It’s not as if I just met the guy. I’ve been crazy about him since forever.

[Blanco]

I've heard good things about Talkspace, both in terms of finding a good fit and price-wise. A friend of mine, who doesn't make that much money, has been able to afford one of the more basic packages they offer. She's also found it to be really helpful. Your mileage may vary, but it might be something worth checking out, because I do think at this point, the situation might benefit from being looked at by someone with credentials.

 

In terms of healing, I wouldn't force myself to go on an expensive vacation if it was likely I wasn't going to be able to enjoy it. Perhaps you can examine speaking with a professional, and then when you've made some headway, you can reschedule the vacation.

[preraph]

Yeah, the thing is it was going on way before the gf was even in the picture. He didn’t put any boundaries and I bet money he was completely aware she’s young naive virgin crushing on him. It is very easy to manipulate people like this just because they don’t have the experience . If she was sleeping around and seen it all, yeah, blame will be on her. But here it’s taking advantage of the situation from his end IMO.

 

He did put boundaries. He told her early on he has never felt that way about her. She said she threw herself at him and he'd say he didn't feel that way about her. This is from her first post:

 

"...we (he and I) have never dated. We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment. But he’s always made it clear that he has no interest in a relationship with me. He’s been dating this girl for around 7 months now. And it broke my heart when he told me he’s going to propose."

 

from her second post: "I mean, I know he knows how I feel about him and that I’d sleep with him any day of the week."

Edited October 14, 2018 by preraph

[Madd_hatter]

He did put boundaries. He told her early on he has never felt that way about her. She said she threw herself at him and he'd say he didn't feel that way about her. This is from her first post:

 

"...we (he and I) have never dated. We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment. But he’s always made it clear that he has no interest in a relationship with me. He’s been dating this girl for around 7 months now. And it broke my heart when he told me he’s going to propose."

 

from her second post: "I mean, I know he knows how I feel about him and that I’d sleep with him any day of the week."

 

 

I didn’t throw myself at him. He’d flirt up a storm with me trust me. He did love the attention. And the few times that we kissed, it was his initiation.

[No_Go]

We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment - Seriously? Who in their right mind will do that with a person they have no interest in? A lead on, a terrible one here.

 

She said she threw herself at him and he'd say he didn't feel that way about her - was this in a different post? I'm still not getting the whole picture.. If he's not interested when she clearly shows she will, a normal man would stop flirting let alone kiss. Sex with a virgin - no comment...

 

He did put boundaries. He told her early on he has never felt that way about her. She said she threw herself at him and he'd say he didn't feel that way about her. This is from her first post:

 

"...we (he and I) have never dated. We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment. But he’s always made it clear that he has no interest in a relationship with me. He’s been dating this girl for around 7 months now. And it broke my heart when he told me he’s going to propose."

 

from her second post: "I mean, I know he knows how I feel about him and that I’d sleep with him any day of the week."

[preraph]

I didn’t throw myself at him. He’d flirt up a storm with me trust me. He did love the attention. And the few times that we kissed, it was his initiation.

 

How old was he when he started kissing you? I ask because you've known him 10 years.

[preraph]

We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment - Seriously? Who in their right mind will do that with a person they have no interest in? A lead on, a terrible one here.

 

She said she threw herself at him and he'd say he didn't feel that way about her - was this in a different post? I'm still not getting the whole picture.. If he's not interested when she clearly shows she will, a normal man would stop flirting let alone kiss. Sex with a virgin - no comment...

 

I've never said he was without blame. I only wish she could see that. Seems to me he just practiced on her because she was always there and willing.

[Blanco]

The guy is kind of a slimeball. OP still should've had the agency to know that someone who leads you on and off for 10 years is probably never going to be serious about a romantic relationship with you. Shoot, even Laura came around on Urkel in less time than that!

[No_Go]

I've never said he was without blame. I only wish she could see that. Seems to me he just practiced on her because she was always there and willing.

 

You could be right, I think there is more. She didn't say his age, he maybe significantly older, or something else there making relationship inappropriate. I think we don't know the full picture but in any case, yeah, he has LOTS of blame to take...

[preraph]

Yes, for that last thing he did, sleeping with her. But if he was kissing while he was just a teen too, it's exactly what you'd expect of a teen. That's why I said just practicing. Thing is, he did tell her and she never has accepted it. I can see how a young girl would still hold on to hope, but not after all this, and she's still stubbornly clinging to hope and to the thought that he's this great person. He's a man. He wanted to have quick easy sex before he lost his freedom to marraige, and he's certainly not the first man to do that. And then he ran. So he's actually been worse to his now wife than to MaddHatter. She's the only one he had an obligation or commitment to.

 

But MaddHatter needs some help getting a grip on reality from a professional. Nothing we've said has done anything but go right out the other ear. That service Blanco recommended is pretty cheap. Of course, a therapist can only help you if you tell them the whole truth.

[Madd_hatter]

Hey guys, catching up on the posts.

 

He’s 1 1/2 years older than me.

 

We first kissed when I was 17 and he was 18. He was single at the time and so was I. He was my first kiss.

[Madd_hatter]

The only thing preventing him from being with me was him not being interested. Maybe I scared him away with such strong feelings, it’s very possible. Maybe we were too close. We were very close when we were kids into our teenage years.

 

I don’t know. I agree with what someone said about him using me as “practice”. He was not and never had been a “womanizer” or anything like that. So I guess it would be good experience to use me.

[Blanco]

The only thing preventing him from being with me was him not being interested.

 

This is the only thing that matters.

 

It's pointless to go down the rabbit hole of why he was ultimately uninterested in an actual relationship with you, especially when it seems like you're placing the unnecessary blame entirely on yourself.