Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[ifstone]

I read this whole thread over two breathless days and can't believe the story isn't over. You're going to make it, I know you are. But one thing I'm absolutely certain of is that you've got to leave this town and move far away. It's hard to leave people behind, it's like you're leaving a life behind, but in a sense the life you thought you were going to have with this guy (in my opinion a world class prick, I was thrilled when you finally called him a ****ing *******) already isn't going to happen, so you've left behind that life. The Hollywood story of the small town sweetheart romance isn't going to happen.

 

That doesn't mean you need to Hollywood your way to the big city, but just move, say, three hours away by plane. You've already cut out the church, etc. I'm around your age and something that really helped my life was just moving very far away, though that wasn't for reasons of illfated romance but more family tension. Believe it or not, you can run away from your problems (well, not really, but putting a lot of space between yourself and them gives you the latitude to sort them out a lot easier than when they're bearing down heavy on you).

 

Now that all said it did send me all around the world only to have my heart broken 11,000 miles away, but that's a story for another time. This one's hitting you real hard and I get why, but remember, your heart is a muscle the size of your fist, it's real strong. So keep on fighting, and hold on. But get far away; you'll never regret it.

[preraph]

You left your therapist right when he/she finally had all the facts. You should go back and see what happens now. All the background is necessary to see where you are coming from.

[Madd_hatter]

Hi all! It’s been a minute. Hope you all are doing well. I am. I’m actually better than well. I’m really great. Sorry for not writing but I’ve been crazy busy.

 

First off, I got promoted again! It’s temporary for now but optional to become permanent. The lady left of maternity leave and will be gone for something like 6 months. Some are saying she won’t come back and I'll fill her position for good. *fingers crossed*. I’ve been seeing more and more of the younger guy and it turns out I like him a lot. He’s so much fun to be around and I really enjoy his company.

 

As for Jason... I forgot the last time I really missed him. I haven’t seen him in weeks, maybe even months. I miss his friendship somethings, but I have realized that it’s over. It’s a chapter in my life that has passed. Same as if he had died. I mean, I wish him no harm, no hard feelings at all, but it’s like he doesn’t exist to me. He doesn’t. That’s such a refreshing feeling.

Edited February 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yay! So glad to read this update, MH! Congratulations on your promotion!

[preraph]

Yes, congratulations on the promotion and hope things continue to improve for you. Have fun with your new bf.

[Madd_hatter]

My therapist said something that really clicked. She said that it sounds like I had a lovely childhood and for that reason didn’t really want to leave it behind. Life is changing all the time and it’s easyto forget who we are and holding on to him was like holding on to myself. My old self. Like holding on to my childhood, in a sense. It really made sense to me. That’s exactly how I felt. That’s why I kept saying losing him is like losing myself.

 

It’s nice to feel free. I am still hurt and wounded. Rejection is never easy to get over, but I realize that there’s no point in holding on to something that isn’t there.

[losangelena]

Slow clap! Yay, this is great to hear, HM!

[Beachead]

Happy to hear it MH.

 

I hope your experiences have showed you even if something feels like the end of the world, it can be the beginning of something brand new. If you give up, you won't live to discover that but if you don't, there will always be that chance to turn it around and see it happen.

 

What we choose to do when life brings us pain therefore makes the difference.

 

Keep it up. Best wishes.

 

- Beach

Edited February 8, 2019 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

My therapist suggested that I stop avoiding him. She said I can’t live my life in fear of seeing him or worrying that I’ll dream of him. It was that bad at one point. I was barely sleeping because I was so worried I’d dream about him. I also stopped going to my church. So she suggested that I start going back. She said as long as I give him the power, he will always have it. I need to face my fears and continue living my life.

 

So I’m going to attend my evening service tonight. I haven’t seen any of these people there in months and I am feeling a bit anxious. I also don’t know for sure how I will respond to seeing him again.

 

But she is right. I should not have to alter my life to avoid ruining into him. He’s only a person. I need to take my power back. I need to become completely immuned to his presence. I can’t let him affect me anymore.

Edited February 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[FMW]

Just be prepared so that you don't suffer a setback. It will be hard and you will have feelings about it, but just keep them in perspective and realize you won't always feel that way and things will get better.

 

Good luck!

[lana-banana]

I'm so happy to hear this, MH. It sounds like you're genuinely healing (as opposed to convincing yourself everything is fine). Keep at it and don't beat yourself up if you do feel funny when you see him again. As you know, this is a slow road. Focus on celebrating the progress you've made and all the wonderful things you have going on in your life.

[Madd_hatter]

Hi all,

 

I must say it was amazing going back to my home church. I felt like me again. It felt like I was home. I missed everyone, I missed church, I missed myself. It was so comforting being back.

 

I did see him. I tried not to look at him but my eyes kept finding him. Force of habit I guess.

 

After service, outside of the building, we looked at me and gave me this half smile/smirk. I smiled back on reflex, then he looked and the ground and was smiling from ear to ear. My heart almost melted, but I brushed it off.

 

I’m still ok. No dreams, no tears, no questioning or wondering why.

 

He’s still one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen in my life, but I don’t feel so powerless around him anymore.

[LoverOfDance]

Op, thank God for the progress you've made. I'm glad to see you doing better.

 

However, i don't agree with your therapist about allowing him back into your surroundings so that you can "face your fears".

 

Some ppl are toxic FOR YOU and honestly should just be avoided.

 

I have a feeling, your feelings for this man will never completely disappear.

 

Now, you don't have to listen to me. You can listen to your therapist. I just felt i had to speak my mind and give you my opinion. As i said before, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME but also remember that although your therapist may be an "expert", she is not God. She doesn't know everything and she has faults too just like you and me.

 

I truly wish you all the best and i hope that things continue to get better for you.

[stillafool]

Were you attending another church during your absence from that one? What made you go back? How's the therapy going?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I also do not agree with your therapist. There's no reason you have to be in the same space together ever again. You do not share a child. There are other church families out there to become involved with.

 

His little smirk and smile is an indication to me that when he gets bored with his marriage you will be pursued to provide a little side action because he knows you're still hung up on him to some extent.

 

I'd remove that factor/temptation from the equation altogether.

[Madd_hatter]

I was attending another church and it was not the same. I’d go, sit down, pray, listen to the word and leave. It wasn’t warm, it one person ever tried to talk to me or get to know me. I didn’t know any of the music. I was not happy there at all.

 

The therapy is going well. Its nice talking to someone who understands and I know has no judgement and is totally unbiased.

 

She didn’t say I needed to be in the same place as him. She only said for me to stop avoiding places and things I love just because he might be there. She thinks that as long as I avoid seeing him, it will make it that much harder when I do see him, which is likely to happen being we live in a small community.

[stillafool]

How's it going dating the new guy?

[Madd_hatter]

How's it going dating the new guy?

 

To call it dating would be a bit of a stretch. We’re not officially dating, just hanging out. He’s really super sweet though. I’m taking it slow. I don’t want to make it like a rebound thing, ya know?

[kamani]

I have never been to therapy, I am not from your part of the world either. But the therapy is only for you to support to heal and as another poster said your therapist is not God. You need to avoid him at least till you get a stable boyfriend. When it comes to uncertainties you need to use your common sense.

 

It is the universal truth that you need 'no contact' to heal. If you see him in the church how do you do 'no contact'? My guess is you too want to see him at church. Who can tell you that you won't pursue it, if he comes to you for some side fun again?

[Madd_hatter]

I do feel the therapy sessions are helping. I’m understanding my actions and feelings more, I’m not fearing them as much. Evening seeing him didn’t throw me off like it usually does. It’s like i built him up in my head and heart so much, that whenever I’d see him my heart would almost explode. But now it’s like seeing the actor who plays a monster in a horror movie. It’s just a person. I’m not scared anymore... bad analogy maybe, but you get the idea.

 

Also, today is not the easiest of days to get through.

[nospam99]

Also, today is not the easiest of days to get through.

 

Awww. The happiest of Happy Valentine's Days to you, MH. Lots of 'us' LS fools are still rooting for you and glad to see reports of your progress.

[Madd_hatter]

Younger guy just broke things off with me. He said he doesn’t feel like I’m as invested as he is and he sees himself becoming hurt and disappointed.

 

We had plans to go out tonight. Dinner reservations and even got the movie tickets already. This came totally out of nowhere.

 

I’ve lost all hope in everything.

[Happy Lemming]

Well, its pretty crappy to break up with someone on Valentines Day, especially if you had plans, Maybe he didn't feel like spending the money and going through the motions of pretending to be a couple when your heart is elsewhere.

 

Personally, I don't blame new/younger guy. I'm sure you mentioned "Mr. Wonderful" on more than one occasion and no one wants to play "second-fiddle" to that.

 

There is a lesson to be learned here, don't mention exes to new potential partners. And even though you weren't technically in a relationship with "Mr. Wonderful" leave that skeleton in the closet.

 

You are too young to "lose all hope in everything"... Give yourself a couple of days to stabilize, then go back out there and try again. Dating is a series of ebbs and flows, you have to be able to deal with that if you are going to date and be sexually active.

[JuneL]

You just said a few posts ago that using “dating” to describe what you and this guy are doing is a bit of a stretch. In that case, why would you let him take you on a Valentine’s Day date?

[Madd_hatter]

We were definitely not dating, but we were having fun. I only slept with him once, but we were sexually active in other ways and it was great. I’m so mad at him. And he knew I was just beginning to heal. Just goes to show you that you can’t trust anyone. It was only a few days ago that he could hardly keep his hands off of me. This is a total shock to me. And I have not been talking to him about Jason. I told him at the very beginning just so he’d know I wasn’t really ready and I didn’t want to lead him on. After that, I never really said a whole lot more. If anything, he was the one always asking me questions about Jason.

 

But it doesn’t matter.. truth is, it doesn’t bother me much. Younger guy, (let’s call him Pete) “breaking up” with me has only made me miss Jason again. Like it triggered something. I don’t miss Pete,..I miss Jason all over again. Of course I won’t act on it, but it made me feel really bad about the whole situation with Jason again.

 

What do I do? I’m so so so worried I’ll slip down the hole again and I don’t wanna be there.