Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[FMW]

MH, yes, you're right, you may always love him.

 

But the problem is that you seem to be obsessed with him and still holding on to hope that you'll be together (otherwise the pregnancy wouldn't have hit you so hard).

 

You don't have to stop loving him, but unless you're happy with how you're feeling now, you need to work really hard on letting go and moving on. You've been given lots of advice on how to do that.

 

You CAN love again if you move on. It won't be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't be better (and it almost certainly HAS to be better).

 

It's easy to wallow - it's hard work to move on. You just have to come to the point of being willing to do that hard work and weather the ups and downs it will bring without giving up.

[Madd_hatter]

He’s moving. He’s moving away and I’ll never see him again. I literally found out 10 minutes ago. I’m freaking out. I can’t handle this. I’ll never see him again. No no no this can’t happen. I know I’ll never see him again

[Madd_hatter]

I can’t believe he’s leaving. I’m praying that this doesn’t happen. I don’t even know what to say.. I’m shell shocked. I feel like I lost my will to live. No this can’t be happening. I don’t know what to do. No I can’t. I can’t. No oh my god its really over. My heart isn’t strong enough.

[lana-banana]

Calm down. Deep breaths. This is honestly one of the best things that could happen to you. You're going to have to move on because you won't even have the hope of a chance encounter to keep you obsessing.

 

Go outside. Call a friend. Watch a movie. Distract yourself. You're going to be OK.

[Happy Lemming]

He’s moving.

 

Well that is GREAT news!! Now you don't have to move and you can go back to your original church. You can shop and go around your little town without the possibility of running into him.

 

Jason is continuing with his life, new wife and soon to be new child.

 

You need to continue on with your life.

[Happy Lemming]

I feel like I lost my will to live.

 

Jason was never yours to begin with. Why the need for him to be in the same town?? How does him moving away take away your will to live?? You've had minimal to no interaction with him since the night the two of you slept together, so how does him moving take away your will to live??

[Madd_hatter]

What am I going to do without him? I know I haven’t seen or talked to him much in the passed year, but just knowing he was there comforted me. I don’t want him to move. I’m going to miss him so so so much.

 

I don’t know when this is happening. My sister in law just casually mentioned that his wife told her they’re moving soon 2 states away!

 

This is so hard. I can barely breathe. I had to leave work early because I was hysterical. I’m sitting in a coffee shop just bawling and I don’t even care that people are staring.

 

This is the worse.

[Londy]

I suppose you could move near where they will be. Knowing he's nearby seems to give you great comfort even though the only interaction with him during the past year was brief random run-ins.

 

 

 

Or get back into therapy. You clearly never should have left.

[Madd_hatter]

I am back in therapy. I have a session on Monday. I had one last Monday. It’s so expensive I can’t afford to go more than once a week. My last one was $175 and hour. This one is $210 an hour. That’s almost half of my paycheck.

[Madd_hatter]

This is such an empty, lost feeling. It’s really not going to be the same without him being down the road. My head is spinning and my stomach feels sick.

 

I feel so deprived. I still want him. I can’t believe he’s leaving. This whole town reminds me of him. Everywhere I go, there’s a memory of him. Nooooooo this cant be happening. It hurts so bad.

 

I feel really alone. There’s not one single person for me to tell. No one. I’m begging god not to let him go. I know he’s not mine but it still hurts terribly. I can’t do this. I can’t stop crying :’(

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

MH, you are not thinking clearly AT ALL. You don't want to believe it, but him moving away is the best thing for YOU so you can finally find your way out of this unhealthy addiction. He is not yours and never was. How do you think your next boyfriend is going to react if he finds out how hysterically attached you are to a man you never dated?

 

I would encourage you to talk to someone about this outside of therapy. Your parents. A sibling. Your pastor/pastor's spouse. Someone. You do not have the capability to shoulder this news on your own right now.

[Madd_hatter]

I have no one to talk to about this! I can’t do this in front of anyone. It’s impossible. You guys are all I have

 

I’m not handling this well at all. This is worse than the pregnancy. It’s too much. It is way too much.

 

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as whiny, this is really difficult for me. I love him so much and I am going crazy without him. I still want him.. it’s never stopped. I don’t know where else to go with this. I have nothing else.

 

I’m crying so much my eyes are sore.

 

Ugh Jason you’ve ruined me. You’re the cause and cure for this.

 

I’m sorry to anyone reading this. I’m sorry for being so weak. I’m so ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I hate this so much. Nothing will ever be the same.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Ugh Jason you’ve ruined me. You’re the cause and cure for this.

 

He is absolutely not the cure.

 

Do you really have no female friends you trust?

[Madd_hatter]

He is absolutely not the cure.

 

Do you really have no female friends you trust?

 

No I would never dream of telling anyone. I can’t tell them how I feel. This right now, I’m a wreck!! I can’t do this in front of anyone.

[FMW]

How about your pastor, or some other person in your church that provides counseling for free? If you're uncomfortable opening up to someone at your own church then go to another affiliated one nearby.

[Madd_hatter]

It’s embarrassing. I’m a very shy person and I don’t like to show my feelings. I am very ashamed of this. It’s not even easy opening up in therapy.

 

The minute I open my mouth to talk the tears just come pouring. I’m not comfortable with my emotions.

[mark clemson]

It's possible that, once contact becomes IMPOSSIBLE, your emotional dependence finally fades away.

 

Clearly, IF that happens, it would be a positive thing.

[Madd_hatter]

It's possible that, once contact becomes IMPOSSIBLE, your emotional dependence finally fades away.

 

Clearly, IF that happens, it would be a positive thing.

 

I don’t want that. I don’t want him to leave. I miss him so much. I don’t want him to fade away. I need him. He’s my life. She’s living my dream life. What did she do to deserve him? Why couldn’t he love me? What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t he want me? I would’ve done anything for him. I still would. I would easily give up 20 years of my life to have him.

[Londy]

I need him. He’s my life. She’s living my dream life. What did she do to deserve him? Why couldn’t he love me?

 

 

You sound very angry. Are you having any thoughts of harming her? Or him?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I need him. He’s my life.

 

No, you want him. And he's not your life. He might be HER life, but not yours.

[Madd_hatter]

You sound very angry. Are you having any thoughts of harming her? Or him?

 

As much pain as he’s put me through, as hurting as it is to see her with him, as much as it pains.. I would never, in one million years, ever even think of hurting him or her especially while she’s carrying their unborn child. What kind of person do you think I am?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

MH, you're not even handling this Biblically. You've placed Jason on a pedestal only God the Father deserves to be on. You should be worshiping Him, not Jason. Jason will never provide you the love you desire. Stop making an idol out of him.

[Madd_hatter]

MH, you're not even handling this Biblically. You've placed Jason on a pedestal only God the Father deserves to be on. You should be worshiping Him, not Jason. Jason will never provide you the love you desire. Stop making an idol out of him.

 

Wow.. I mean this from my heart.. thank you. I honestly needed to hear that.

 

You really put things in prospective. May God have mercy on me.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Wow.. I mean this from my heart.. thank you. I honestly needed to hear that.

 

You really put things in prospective. May God have mercy on me.

 

A strategy for dealing with any addiction is replacing it with something else (i.e. I have a friend who quite smoking by taking up painting, or giving up soda by switching to flavored seltzer, etc.). You have an unhealthy, and as I said, unBiblical, addiction to and idolization of this mortal man. You need to find a replacement for it, and as a Christian young woman, your obvious replacement should be immersing yourself in your relationship with Christ. Literally shift your focus to the One who you DO need and who CAN provide you with the unconditional love (and sweet comfort) you're seeking. If you give up your control, He will meet you there.

 

Ps. 141:8

[Madd_hatter]

A strategy for dealing with any addiction is replacing it with something else (i.e. I have a friend who quite smoking by taking up painting, or giving up soda by switching to flavored seltzer, etc.). You have an unhealthy, and as I said, unBiblical, addiction to and idolization of this mortal man. You need to find a replacement for it, and as a Christian young woman, your obvious replacement should be immersing yourself in your relationship with Christ. Literally shift your focus to the One who you DO need and who CAN provide you with the unconditional love (and sweet comfort) you're seeking. If you give up your control, He will meet you there.

 

Ps. 141:8

 

Thank you so much, my sister in the Lord. I feel like I’ve forgotten who He is this passed year. He’s never, ever failed me before and I’ve failed Him countless times. I really did need to hear those words.

 

God bless you, I believe he used you to help me calm down. I really do feel lighter.