Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you so much, my sister in the Lord. I feel like I’ve forgotten who He is this passed year. He’s never, ever failed me before and I’ve failed Him countless times. I really did need to hear those words.

 

God bless you, I believe he used you to help me calm down. I really do feel lighter.

 

Awwww, MH. You're welcome. Just keep reminding yourself over and over. Just like Jason, you're human and will fail again and again and again . It's what we do! Thankfully God never fails and we're always welcomed back.

[Londy]

I would never, in one million years, ever even think of hurting him or her especially while she’s carrying their unborn child. What kind of person do you think I am?

 

 

I've been in therapy before, having dealt with depression, anxiety, etc.

 

 

The first thing every therapist asks is "do you have thoughts of self harm or towards others". It's not about the type of person you are it's about what a relatively normal person can do when they're under severe emotional duress.

[Beachead]

MH,

 

Nothing's really changed here. He was moved on before you found out..he's moved on now. What's changed is what you've been telling yourself in your mind. Fantasy is no longer agreeing with reality. That's all.

 

I don’t want that. I don’t want him to leave. I miss him so much. I don’t want him to fade away. I need him. He’s my life. She’s living my dream life. What did she do to deserve him? Why couldn’t he love me?

 

He's married, he's having a child, he's moving forward in his life and living it. If you love him, you should be happy for him. But in all special moments of his life, you were unhappy everytime, because of how it would affect you.

 

Love is emotional giving. The giving of kindness, compassion, patience, forgiveness etc. What you're expressing here is selfishness.

 

You can't change what you don't acknowledge MH.

 

What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t he want me? I would’ve done anything for him. I still would. I would easily give up 20 years of my life to have him.

 

You don't care about yourself enough. That's what's wrong with you.

 

You don't have to like letting go, you just have to care about yourself enough to understand why you have to.

 

- Beach

Edited October 24, 2019 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

I really want to thank you guys for taking the time to reply to me today when I was at one of the darkest times in my life. I’m still extremely hurt and upset I have to accept the reality I’m in. He’s leaving. He’s got a new life. He’s got a family. He’s moved on.

 

I wanted to be a good friend. I didn’t want to cry over his joy. It’s just that I wanted so much to be a part of his life. Even after I knew it would never be romantic, I wanted to heal and get over him so that we could resume being friends. I really believed we would become friends again. I miss him so much my heart hurts. I don’t wish any harm to him or his family.

 

I know you guys don’t think he’s good, but he’s good. He has a beautiful heart and soul. He hurt me.. yes. But does that make him a monster? I don’t feel like it does. He’s a wonderful person. He’s beautiful inside and out. I love everything about him. I hope and pray in the name of Jesus that my husband is like him. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. I pray to God that he blesses me with a man like him who loves me the same way I love him and I can find the joy and peace that Jason and his wife have.

 

My heart is heavy and my eyes are burning as I type this.. it’s a hard truth to accept. I didn’t see it ending this way. I thought he’d always be there. I thought this was just some time apart until I got better. I can’t believe this is it. It sucks so bad.

 

I’ll miss him so much... I’ll miss the way he made me feel. He could make my whole body tingle with one smirk. I’ve never had that before. I thought If something makes you react that way, you’d better fight for it, or at least wait for something to happen.. hold out, ya know? Wasted years.

 

But still.. he was such a big part of my life and I’m glad it happened. I’ll never forget him, of this I am 100% sure. Even after I’m married with grandkids I believe he’ll always have a place in my heart.

 

Ahhh I really wanted to end up with him. I just want him to wrap his arms around him and tell me it’s all ok..

 

I’m not ok.. praying for better days

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I thought If something makes you react that way, you’d better fight for it, or at least wait for something to happen.. hold out, ya know?

 

Life is not a romantic comedy and it doesn't work like this. And he is not the only man on earth you will be capable of loving, trust us on this. You just don't have the benefit of age yet to believe us.

 

Even after I’m married with grandkids I believe he’ll always have a place in my heart.

 

 

You're right. He will. But it won't hurt because your life will be filled with all sorts of other loves.

[Beachead]

MH,

 

Him moving away can be the best thing that happens to you. I say "can be" because it's up to you how this pivotal moment in your life shapes you. Are you going to perceive it as a loss or as an opportunity? Your perception will determine what kind of work you put into yourself this year and ultimately what your next year will be like. Everyday adds up so don't waste it.

 

He'll always hold a spot in your heart so don't worry about moving on. Just move forward. Move passed. Don't think about it. Just do it by living..and understand WHY you have to. If you end up moving on by this process..then isn't that a good thing?

 

We talked about journaling earlier. This is a time to do it. I would just free write all my pain into a book with no edits. I would also write a second journal with 2 or 3 things I look forward to in the day. 2 or 3 things I'm grateful for. Start putting those mental exercises to good use. Cry and grieve but don't give up yourself.

Edited October 24, 2019 by Beachead

[Madd_hatter]

It’s been a rough few days for me. I don’t know if I can handle much more. I’m trying to be strong but I feel totally defeated. I’m trying not to cry but my heart hurts so bad. I know he’s happy and he’s moving towards bigger and better things and I’m happy he’s doing so well, I am, I promise I am, it just hurts that I’m just a part of his past. We were together every single day. At school, after school, at church, at church functions. We were together. He was my go to friend. He was the solid thing in my life. When an occasion was happening We would call each and ask if the other was going. He was my sure shot. I can’t believe that’s over.

 

I lost him romantically and that hurt like heck, but I didn’t think I really lost him as a friend.. as a person. He’s really going away. I feel so empty and lonely. So scared. So sad.

 

Should i say goodbye? I don’t know when he’s leaving. It could be months it could be tomorrow, it could be today for all I know. Should I call or text or something? I can’t just let him leave. I have to say goodbye.

 

This is so hard. I know you guys think I’m over reacting but this is harddddddd. It’s really hard. I can’t believe I’m still crying. I can’t control it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’m happy he’s doing so well, I am, I promise I am

 

Why? It would be a lot more normal if you were not happy for him because he ruined your friendship by cheating on his fiance with you. Now you can't be friends and that is mostly his fault.

[Madd_hatter]

Why? It would be a lot more normal if you were not happy for him because he ruined your friendship by cheating on his fiance with you. Now you can't be friends and that is mostly his fault.

 

I’d never want him to be miserable like I am. Only thing I’ve ever wanted was for him to be happy, it’s just that i wanted to be the one to make him happy. But I guess I wasn’t. I couldn’t make him happy like she could. And she’s great, she’s sweet, funny, pretty, smart.. all of the good stuff. I could see why he fell for her. It just hurts that he didn’t pick me.

 

I’m not mad that he was my first time. I’m actually happy that he was. I’d be much more hurt if I’d never gotten a chance to be with him. Trust me, if we wouldn’t have made love that night, I’d still be just as hurt as I am now.

 

The sex is the one thing I’m not upset about. He used me.. yes, but let’s be honest, I was wayyyy more then willing. He did not have to even attempted to convince me. One hand on my shoulder and my panties were on the floor. Let’s not put all the blame on him. I was there too.

[mark clemson]

FWIW, Madd hatter, we have sympathy for you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Trust me, if we wouldn’t have made love that night, I’d still be just as hurt as I am now.

 

Do you think you'd still be friends if you hadn't had sex?

[Madd_hatter]

Do you think you'd still be friends if you hadn't had sex?

 

I’m not sure. But I know one thing.. I’d still be exactly where I am right this minute. I’d still be hurt, scared, sad, lonely, lost and crying.

[lana-banana]

MH, you're regressing. You need to recognize it right now and do something before it gets worse. Your first priority should be getting some kind of regular counseling. You can start with the Talkspace app just to have someone to talk to until you can see a therapist more frequently. Are there any universities close to you? What about Unitarian churches? Both often have counselors that operate on sliding pay scales and will work with your income and schedule. Someone at your church may even know of a program to help you.

 

I guarantee you're going to be fine and you're going to make it through this, but you have to believe that too. Insisting that your life is over because he's moving away won't get you anywhere.

[Happy Lemming]

How long did Jason date this woman (his present wife) before he proposed??

 

Did Jason tell you when he started to date her?? Did he tell you "I've started dating this great woman and I think she might be the one" Were you aware he was dating her??

[Madd_hatter]

@Lemming,

 

It was around 7 months or so before he proposed. They married shortly after that. They have now been married just over a year. So they’ve been together total about 2+ years.

 

I knew.. we knew each other casually before but he formally introduced us when things were getting serious. We (Jason and I) did kind of grow apart a bit after that, but we were still very close.

[Happy Lemming]

I knew..

 

OK, so you were aware Jason was dating.

 

(Prior to the 7 month courtship with this woman) did you ask him out?? If you wanted to be more than friends, why didn't you ask him if he wanted to advance the friendship into a dating/courtship relationship??

[Madd_hatter]

OK, so you were aware Jason was dating.

 

(Prior to the 7 month courtship with this woman) did you ask him out?? If you wanted to be more than friends, why didn't you ask him if he wanted to advance the friendship into a dating/courtship relationship??

 

I had never asked him out because I was very shy. Extremely shy, I still am. We kissed twice. The first time was when we were teenagers. My first kiss actually. He meant to kiss me on my cheek and I pulled a fast one and turned so it landed on my lips. He didn’t pull away though. He continued to kiss me and we ended up making out. The second time was on New Year’s Eve at a friends house party. It was quick but a kiss none the less.

[Beachead]

MH,

 

Are you aware that you've been healing for the past year? And are you aware that you will be okay?

[Madd_hatter]

MH,

 

Are you aware that you've been healing for the past year? And are you aware that you will be okay?

 

It will be, right?

 

I’ll have my church back... but he won’t be there

It will remind me of him. No, this is bad. I’m trying to heal but this is ripping me apart.

[Happy Lemming]

@Madd_hatter

 

My guess is Jason liked you as a friend, but never wanted to date you. A few chased kisses over a 10-12 year period were more friendly than romantic.

[Beachead]

@MH

 

It will be, right?

 

No doubt about it.

 

I’ll have my church back... but he won’t be there

It will remind me of him. No, this is bad. I’m trying to heal but this is ripping me apart.

 

You'll desensitize to his absence with time. Just because you feel bad right now, doesn't mean those emotions are going to be around forever. Things are always changing; your emotions and perspective included.

 

3 important people in my life left a trail of memories behind when they moved on. I thought it was the end of the world with the first one. I thought it was the end of the world with the second one. Maybe not so much with the third because I knew I had been through this before. A lot of things in my city reminded me of them. I avoided it all for a long time. But time went on and I healed and I gained strength and with that strength I was able to force myself to drive by and walk into those areas without breaking apart. It doesn't affect me anymore.

 

I know it feels like a nuclear bomb went off in your heart and your whole world was destroyed but you will heal.

 

- Beach

Edited October 24, 2019 by Beachead

[Londy]

I know you guys don’t think he’s good, but he’s good.

 

 

We only know him from how you've described him. His actions define him- and this guy cheated on his fiance to be with you. He's not good, in fact he's a really bad guy. He will cheat on her again because he's got the mindset which is one of selfish disregard for the feelings of others coupled with an unhealthy dose of dishonesty and lack of morals.

 

 

 

As miserable as you are without him it would have been much worse with him.

[Madd_hatter]

I feel like maybe I should call or message him. I have to know when he’s leaving if it’s even true. If he is I’ll never forgive myself for not saying goodbye. I just want to hear his voice. I want to tell him that I wish him well and congratulate him on the baby.

[lana-banana]

You sound like an addict jonesing for one last hit. Don't contact him, MH. Hearing his voice will set you a long way back in healing. Hell, just thinking about calling him and talking to him again is using up valuable energy and sending you down well-trodden mental pathways you really need to give up.

 

Stay strong. You got this.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You sound like an addict jonesing for one last hit. Don't contact him, MH. Hearing his voice will set you a long way back in healing. Hell, just thinking about calling him and talking to him again is using up valuable energy and sending you down well-trodden mental pathways you really need to give up.

 

Stay strong. You got this.

 

I agree. This is 2019 with all its technological wonders. You are not Laura Ingalls Wilder. You will have a chance to still maintain contact electronically, and he's not moving across the world. Is he even changing time zones?