Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[Happy Lemming]

I am so tired of being alone.

 

So go out tonight... Just "doll" yourself up, go out to your local pub and have a few drinks. It is Saturday, go for it.

[FMW]

Mad_hatter, use your desire to be in a good relationship to motivate you to keep moving forward with your recovery and not stay stuck.

 

You will NOT find another relationship while you are so thoroughly hung up on someone else. That dynamic changes how we carry ourselves, how we present ourselves, how we interact with others. It's a very clear vibe that others can sense. And as long as that's the vibe you're transmitting, you won't attract what you're looking for.

 

So keep that at the top of your mind when you feel like giving in to your despair. You have to be ready for another relationship before you'll find it. Just wanting it doesn't help. You've been given a LOT of advice. Go back and read through it and try to be open to accepting it.

[nospam99]

Thanks for the support. It’s nice to have people cheering you on when you feel like you can’t go any further.

 

I am so tired of being alone. I’m tired of being rejected. I’m tired of people not choosing me. I’m tired of wanted things I can’t have.

 

I just want someone to want me. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel sexy, special, desired. I want to have someone to come home to. I want someone to sleep with.. I don’t mean that in a dirty way. I want to literally sleep with someone..not just have sex. I just want someone. I’m lonely.

 

You wrote weeks ago about another guy who was interested in you. The sense I got is that he did not reject you. He chose you. He wanted you. He thought you were beautiful, sexy, special. He desired you. I can't say he was ready to sleep with you aside from sex. But is that a relationship worth trying to revive? If not, you must have 'put yourself out there' to some extent to have met him. Why not do that again?

[Beachead]

 

I am so tired of being alone. I’m tired of being rejected. I’m tired of people not choosing me. I’m tired of wanted things I can’t have.

 

Naw, that's not true.

 

You've talked about other guys wanting you in the past so it's evident you're more than capable of attracting other men. You just don't feel it with them because you made Jason your world. Jason's rejection of you makes you feel like nobody wants you (Because you made him your world) and you became blind to the people who did show you love and affection. Being hung up on him, you compared all of those guys to him and it closed you off to a potentially good relationship with someone else.

 

Jason eventually became someone who wasn't good for you. Doesn't mean he wasn't a good person. He just wasn't good for you. There is a difference. When you hold onto people who are not good for you, they give you a negative perception on yourself. They give you a negative perception of other people who had nothing to do with him or that situation. They give you a negative perception on the way you think others view you.

 

What you have to do is you have to acknowledge the people in your life who genuinely care about you. Good qualities in people that embody love such as loyalty, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, patience are rare. Nobody ever notices it because love is something that never asks for anything in return. It is completely selfless. And people, tend to tend advantage and take for granted such things. So spend time and really pay attention to whether you have it because recognizing it, means you can appreciate who and what matters. It could come from a family member, a friend, maybe someone here on LS. It won't be a lot of people MH. It might just be under a handful..and it doesn't have to be someone who is good at advice and at listening. It could a person who had trouble understanding what you were through but nonetheless took your worst and still continues to do things for you; buy you coffee, run an errand for you, remembers something important in your life etc. This is going to change what you expect from people and relationships and life.

Edited November 16, 2019 by Beachead

[stillafool]

MH you have dated other men who were interested in you. You just didn't want them or to give them a chance because you refused to let MM go. Now that he is leaving maybe contact one of the other men. You never had to be alone it was your choice.

[Madd_hatter]

Good morning everyone,

 

Today is the day of his last Sunday service here. He leaves tomorrow morning. His wife called me about an hour ago asking if I was coming to the service. Jason is sharing today and she said it would mean a lot to him if I was there. We talked for a few minutes and I told her I’d be there. I feel like I should go. I bonded with her over the phone. I mean, we’ve talked before but this time it felt different. I don’t know.. she’s hard to hate. I see why fell for her.

 

It will be hardddddd, like really hard, but I guess I will go. Ahh gosh I’ll miss him so much.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Jason is sharing today and she said it would mean a lot to him if I was there.

 

He's exactly the type of person that makes people dislike Christians. The hypocrisy.

[Madd_hatter]

He's exactly the type of person that makes people dislike Christians. The hypocrisy.

 

He hasn’t done a single thing wrong since he got married. He’s never cheated on his wife. His girlfriend, yes, he cheated on. She wasn’t even his fiancé yet. Please, stop judging him. He’s a good person. I know him.. you don’t. He’s a really good guy.

[stillafool]

Jason is sharing today and she said it would mean a lot to him if I was there.

 

What does "sharing" mean? Sharing what?

[Madd_hatter]

What does "sharing" mean? Sharing what?

 

Sorry for not being clear lol. Sharing a scripture. Doing a reading from the Bible.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

He hasn’t done a single thing wrong since he got married. He’s never cheated on his wife. His girlfriend, yes, he cheated on. She wasn’t even his fiancé yet. Please, stop judging him. He’s a good person. I know him.. you don’t. He’s a really good guy.

 

Your justification of his actions and putting him on a pedestal is shocking, but ok.

 

Also, you don't know that he hasn't cheated on his wife. He hasn't with you.

[BaileyB]

He hasn’t done a single thing wrong since he got married. He’s never cheated on his wife. His girlfriend, yes, he cheated on. She wasn’t even his fiancé yet. Please, stop judging him. He’s a good person. I know him.. you don’t. He’s a really good guy.

 

Really good guys don’t buy a ring and plan a life with a woman, only to then sleep with another woman.

 

Your therapist is definitely right, this has far more to do with you than him. This has been quite a struggle for you. Continued contact with this man is not going to help, it’s only going to set you back. Best wishes as you attempt to move forward.

Edited November 17, 2019 by BaileyB

[Beachead]

@MH

 

.. His girlfriend, yes, he cheated on. She wasn’t even his fiancé yet.

 

Girlfriend..fiancee..wife..doesn't matter. A cheat is a cheat. Don't justify the act.

 

A relationship is a promise of commitment unless the both of you agreed to some kind of Friends with Benefits situation or an open relationship. This guy broke his promise to his now wife by cheating on her with you and you know what? He likely didn't tell her either which means wronged her again. Because if she knew, I somehow doubt she'd be talking to you, letting you dance with him, let alone marry him or stay married to him. She thinks she's with a guy who never cheated on her when in fact he has and he plays her for a fool everyday he doesn't tell her. The cheating didn't just happen..you both knew about his her and you didn't care in that moment.

 

You wouldn't be so forgiving if you were on the receiving end of that.

Edited November 17, 2019 by Beachead

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

You wouldn't be so forgiving if you were on the receiving end of that.

 

Agree. OP, I don't think you're going to ever convince us he's a "good person." This is a man who used you and threw you away so he could cheat on his girlfriend, and somehow then got his new pregnant wife to call you the day before he's moving away to make sure you are coming to the church service!

[Madd_hatter]

No, I know. You’re all very right. I still get very defensive when it comes to him. I don’t know why I always feel the need to defend him. I don’t want anyone to think he’s a bad guy. He’s not. Just because he cheated on his girlfriend once (once, to my knowledge anyway) does not make him such a bad guy.

 

I have a very hard time taking him down from that pedestal. He’s been on it for me forever. It’s like I know the right things to do but I do the wrong ones anyway.

 

He really is one of my biggest weaknesses. Him acting the way he did with me that night at the party did not help. I could’ve stayed right there forever.

 

I guess he was just a chapter in my life. Time to turn the page. It hurts.

[BaileyB]

I don’t want anyone to think he’s a bad guy. He’s not. Just because he cheated on his girlfriend once (once, to my knowledge anyway) does not make him such a bad guy.

 

Just because he stole that woman’s identity and cleaned out her bank account, that doesn’t make this other guy a thief either. Wrong.

 

I realize that you can’t really see this man, and this situation, clearly. But, your logic makes no sense. One does not get a pass to cheat on their partner once - with no consequence. If the roles were reversed, you sure as heck would be singing a different tune.

 

Your posts are hard to read because it’s like you have given your power over to him. Don’t forget, you are the creator of your own destiny. It’s time to get busy and live your life.

Edited November 17, 2019 by BaileyB

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don’t want anyone to think he’s a bad guy. He’s not. Just because he cheated on his girlfriend once (once, to my knowledge anyway) does not make him such a bad guy.

 

This is what you said in your first post in this thread:

 

Next thing I know he’s got his hands all over me and he’s kissing my neck. I stopped him reminding him he has a soon to be fiancé but he said let’s nit think about her right now. So we ended up hooking up.

 

Afterwards he took his box and left. He said he’d call me the next day but that was on Thursday night and still no word whatsoever. I’ve texted him, called, tired his insta, nothing. He’s completely ignoring me and I don’t know why. I feel absolutely awful. I feel used.

 

 

Back when it happened you knew it was wrong. You reminded him he had a soon to be fiance, and he said "let's not think about her right now." That is SO disrespectful to her. And to you, trying to do the right thing, however weakly. This is not something "good people" do.

[Madd_hatter]

 

Back when it happened you knew it was wrong. You reminded him he had a soon to be fiance, and he said "let's not think about her right now." That is SO disrespectful to her. And to you, trying to do the right thing, however weakly. This is not something "good people" do.

 

 

I agree. It was wrong on both parts, mine and his. I didn’t put up that big of a fight. He definitely didn’t have to try very hard. I willingly let him continue. And the reason I asked about her was mostly a selfish one. I was kind of asking in a way just so I could know where I stand with him. I don’t know if I made sense there. It was in a selfish way. I didn’t really care. I didn’t want him to stop. He was doing everything that I had been wanting him to do to me for years. It was me too. I wanted it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I agree. It was wrong on both parts, mine and his. I didn’t put up that big of a fight. He definitely didn’t have to try very hard. I willingly let him continue. And the reason I asked about her was mostly a selfish one. I was kind of asking in a way just so I could know where I stand with him. I don’t know if I made sense there. It was in a selfish way. I didn’t really care. I didn’t want him to stop. He was doing everything that I had been wanting him to do to me for years. It was me too. I wanted it.

 

Yes, I understand what you're saying. But he made the decision to completely disregard the dignity of the woman he was about to propose to. He basically said "screw her" while he literally screwed you. I certainly would not want him as my husband.

[BaileyB]

Yes, I understand what you're saying. But he made the decision to completely disregard the dignity of the woman he was about to propose to. He basically said "screw her" while he literally screwed you.

 

I also completely disregarded your own dignity, OP. If I'm reading this right, he took your virginity knowing that he was committed to another and could not offer you anything more - probably knowing that you wanted more from him. And then, after the fact he ignored you and did not contact you...

 

It hurts me to know that he did this to you. It's unbelievably disrespectful to you. Again, a good man does not do this to a woman - a friend who he has known and cared about for year. This was a selfish, hurtful act.

[Madd_hatter]

Today is the day.

 

He’s gone. He moved on with his life. It really isn’t ever going to happen. I mean, I knew. But it’s a reality check for sure. I’m physically ill.

 

I took the day off of work. I called in sick. I am sick. I’m so heartbroken

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm sorry MH . Be kind to yourself today.

 

I hope you soon will make an effort to move on and find someone who loves and respects you.

[Madd_hatter]

It’s a freezing cold rainy day..seems fitting. The weather matches my mood 100%. I’m trying to get some energy to get out of bed but haven’t seemed to be able to yet. I’ve been here since 7am, just laying here. Haven’t even had coffee yet.

 

I’m hoping this extreme feeling doesn’t last too much longer. I don’t know if anything can get me out of this feeling.

 

I’m trying to be kind to myself like cautiously said, but I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop it. I’m so tired of crying but I can’t make it stop. I’m so tired.

[vla1120]

Today is the day.

 

"Today is the day" could have SO many different meanings for you, if you let it. This doesn't have to be the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to you. Today could be the day that you start living your life for YOU and working on building happiness from within for YOU.

 

He did you no favors from day one. He used you and someone who cares about you does not use you. He also betrayed his fiance just before she became his wife. I know you liked him up on that pedestal, but it's time for you to put him where he belongs - behind you and beneath you.

 

Tomorrow will be a better day, you just have to be positive and take care of yourself.

[Beachead]

It’s a freezing cold rainy day..seems fitting. The weather matches my mood 100%. I’m trying to get some energy to get out of bed but haven’t seemed to be able to yet. I’ve been here since 7am, just laying here. Haven’t even had coffee yet.

 

I’m hoping this extreme feeling doesn’t last too much longer. I don’t know if anything can get me out of this feeling.

 

I’m trying to be kind to myself like cautiously said, but I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop it. I’m so tired of crying but I can’t make it stop. I’m so tired.

 

Honestly, it takes time to subside MH but those extreme emotions don't last. All this time, you defined yourself through him. You never cared about your own needs or wants. Him leaving will force you to think about what you want your own life to be about. This is honestly the best thing that could have happened for you, as crappy as it feels.

 

When I was in your state and I have been many times, I learned to look forward to very simple things. My cup of coffee and a warm shower were the two things I looked forward to. Life felt like crap and most of the time I was miserable, but I had that. If you dig deep enough, you'll find there are a few things that you may look forward to as well.

 

It might feel hard to get through the hour at first but as weeks pass, you'll find that to get easier. Eventually you can get through half a day alright, then the whole then, then you'll find you can get through a few days okay. Then a week. Little by little you'll start gaining your strength and then one day, you'll realize you can smile and laugh, without him having anything to do with it. Mark my words, it'll happen.

 

But you can't give up on yourself. You need to let time do its thing but also take care of yourself. If getting through the hours are difficult, then don't exhaust yourself by putting too much on your plate. Keep your schedule balanced. Eat well, exercise. Talk to a friend. Focus on your goals. If you don't have any, it'd be a good time to think about it. Leave some time open to grieve but keep and stay off of your bed until its time to do so. It's important to let yourself feel your pain but to also not allow yourself to be consumed by it. Take note of certain thoughts or things that you do in your day to day that seem to take the pain away and mark it down in your journal. If they are healthy things, continue to use them to help you cope.

Edited November 18, 2019 by Beachead