Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[No_Go]

I’m not ok right now. I’m having a full blown panic attack and I’m worried about myself. I’m hyperventilating and my heart is pounding. I feel like something horrible is about to happen and I’m so worried I’m paralyzed with fear. I’m crying uncontrollably and I can’t calm myself down. I don’t know what to do to calm down. I’m so scared and I feel so alone. I’m almost tempted to call or text him again. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need help. I need help. I can’t do this alone. I need him to help me. Why is my life like this. Why can’t I just be normal. I don’t how what to do :( :(

 

I can’t breath and I can’t stop crying

 

Madd go to a doctor if you feel like you can’t breathe. That’s not a joke, it’s your health. It may be panic attack but could be something much worse. Check it.

 

NOTHING changed with the guy. Same old story. He had a partner before, another one now. May or may not last. You told him how you feel, he knows it. He knew it before too. Literally nothing has changed. What panicks you?

[JuneL]

I’m not ok right now. I’m having a full blown panic attack and I’m worried about myself. I’m hyperventilating and my heart is pounding. <snip>

 

Do you think you need to visit the urgent care?

Edited October 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Madd_hatter]

Madd go to a doctor if you feel like you can’t breathe. That’s not a joke, it’s your health. It may be panic attack but could be something much worse. Check it.

 

NOTHING changed with the guy. Same old story. He had a partner before, another one now. May or may not last. You told him how you feel, he knows it. He knew it before too. Literally nothing has changed. What panicks you?

 

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I’m just having a really hard time right now and I I’m not doing well. I need someone here to tell me it’s ok I don’t feel like I’m ok at all I’m so scared

[Madd_hatter]

i Hate the way he makes me feel the way he’s treated me

[No_Go]

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I’m just having a really hard time right now and I I’m not doing well. I need someone here to tell me it’s ok I don’t feel like I’m ok at all I’m so scared

 

Go to the ER if you feel like you can’t breath. Even if it’s anxiety, they will help you.

 

For the guy- it’s OKAY. Nothing changed. Nothing. You’re not losing anything, it’s the same old story. He’s an a**hole, admit this to yourself and you’ll feel better...

[Madd_hatter]

He is. He’s a f***ing a** hole

 

He’s a f***ing a** hole

 

I hate him so much

 

He’s a selfish over grown child. He’s like a 6 year old and I hate that about him

 

He’s selfish and self centered

[Amethyst68]

We must have cross posted when I was typing my last post.

 

MH get yourself to a hospital, if your physical symptoms are that severe you need help, but when you go make sure you tell them the psychological stress you are under. It's no use getting the physical symptoms treated but ignoring the mental issues.

[Amethyst68]

And again not to be harsh but by your own admission you are the one who chased this guy and kept asking him to take your virginity. You knew he ħad a girlfriend so I'm not seeing why you're so outraged (apart from this thread building your obsession). It's been over a year, you need to let go and move on.

 

I'll be frank, this guy did not act well but the person who he needs to show his 'remorse' to is his wife. If you have ever read any of the infidelity forums you would see that for a successful reconciliation there is often no contact at all between the cheaters. I recommend that you go NC and get IC as soon as possible.

[Madd_hatter]

I’m better. I just had to take a few deep breaths. I talked to my sister and she thinks it’s time for professional help too.

 

She even said she’d help me scope one out.

 

I’m better for now. Been having more and more of these melt downs

[Beachead]

I’m better. I just had to take a few deep breaths. I talked to my sister and she thinks it’s time for professional help too.

 

She even said she’d help me scope one out.

 

I’m better for now. Been having more and more of these melt downs

 

Yea, it's like that. If you recall, few weeks ago, Losangelena gave you the heads up on that happening. Eventually get to that point where you're fed up of feeling miserable inside and fed up of lying to yourself. Even for a stubborn person like yourself, the denial finally comes crashing down and you face your demons.

Edited October 19, 2018 by Beachead

[Happy Lemming]

How many of your non-religious friends (if you have any) have done such a heinous thing to their good friends?

 

Heinous thing?? HUH??

 

Two consenting adults engaged in an adult act, sexual intercourse.

 

Part of being adult enough to engage in sexual intercourse is being adult enough to handle all of the consequences that go with that act. Possible pregnancy, possible STD & possible rejection, just to name a few.

[LoverOfDance]

@Amethyst68 - Please get your facts straight. He initiated the sex on the day they slept together. He did so because he KNEW she had feelings for him. Read this thread properly so that you can give proper input on the situation.

 

Iana-banana is very right. This thread is fuelling and adding to your addiction. Like i said before, we have touched every topic that needs to be touched concerning you and him. I have read everyone's posts and everyone is just repeating things that have already been said.

 

Please open a new thread in the "self improvement" section of the site and close this one. Enough of this man please. Open a new thread and focus it on your mental and physical health.

Edited October 19, 2018 by LoverOfDance

[Amethyst68]

Madd_hatter, I've just reread the opening post and see he initiated sex so I apologise for my comment about you chasing him to get rid of your virginity.

 

I do stand by the rest of my comments though @LordofDance what I've been trying to highlight since my first post is the negative effect I feel this thread is having on MH.

[losangelena]

No, Lana-banana, I can’t. That’s my biggest fear. I can’t live forever without him.

 

Mmm, yes you can. And you will. Start going that direction. For the love of jeebus.

[losangelena]

I’m not ok right now. I’m having a full blown panic attack and I’m worried about myself. I’m hyperventilating and my heart is pounding. I feel like something horrible is about to happen and I’m so worried I’m paralyzed with fear. I’m crying uncontrollably and I can’t calm myself down. I don’t know what to do to calm down. I’m so scared and I feel so alone. I’m almost tempted to call or text him again. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I need help. I need help. I can’t do this alone. I need him to help me. Why is my life like this. Why can’t I just be normal. I don’t how what to do :( :(

 

I can’t breath and I can’t stop crying

 

No, you do not need him to do anything. He cannot help you. You can help yourself.

 

You're experiencing the physical manifestations of extreme anxiety. This is what happens.

 

Go find help. REAL help—by a professional. Go get to the bottom of what's really going on, and not "why this guy XYZ." Enough. This man is not the answer. He is just a person, not the solution to your problems.

 

And to all the posters fanning the flames of this woman's addiction—knock it off. Go spread drama on someone else's thread. It's time for MH to heal, not continue to ruminate. Just stop it. Do better.

Edited October 19, 2018 by losangelena

[bene]

I can’t live forever without him.

 

Yes, you can live without him. Sun will rise without him, you can get out of bed and put one foot infront of the other without him. You can be without him for an hour, then for a day, for a week, for a month and then for years. In fact you have been living without him.

 

If you’re having anxiety attacks, please seek councelling and maybe some medication will be prescribed to help you in the short term to get you over the worst. Then please find some long-term professional help to start and support your healing. Remember that if you’re at the height of anxiety do not make any decisions in that state.

Edited October 19, 2018 by bene

[nospam99]

I’m better. I just had to take a few deep breaths. I talked to my sister and she thinks it’s time for professional help too.

 

She even said she’d help me scope one out.

 

I’m better for now. Been having more and more of these melt downs

 

FINALLY! Finally turning to another human being who can (maybe) 'be there' for you to, at the very least, talk to you. Your sister, the two friends you said you told. How much of the 'whole story' does your sister know? If she knows it all, is she sympathetic and supportive?

 

My assertion is you need another human being, not us bunch of faceless people on the internet regardless of how much we commiserate with your pain. You need someone to talk to, not when you post on an internet forum, but right then in real-time, someone to look you in the face, talk to you, hold you. Gender? You've told two female friends and, now, your sister. Probably, because your pain is totally connected to romantic feelings, it is preferable, at least for now, to get your support from other women.

 

FWIW I have NO faith in 'professionals'. This is probably because my ex-wife who I've known for 35 years is a chronic depressive. She has been in constant psychotherapy for most of that time and almost always on meds. Nevertheless she has, if anything, 'gotten worse'. Traumatic events in her life, including the deaths of loved ones have had greater impact than any of the 'professional help'.

 

Alternatively, others have suggested you turn to your pastor for support. In my life I have encountered clergymen who are total a**holes. I have also encountered some who are sympathetic and empathetic and would take their knowledge of the emotional pain of one of their parishioners with them to the grave. Only you can tell which kind of person your own pastor is. But if yours is the second type, I think he would be another good person for you to turn to.

 

Good luck. I think it's clear that there are several people on LS who care about what you are going through. But none of us can be there for you the way someone you know personally and see every day can.

[stillafool]

FINALLY!

 

FWIW I have NO faith in 'professionals'. This is probably because my ex-wife who I've known for 35 years is a chronic depressive. She has been in constant psychotherapy for most of that time and almost always on meds. Nevertheless she has, if anything, 'gotten worse'. Traumatic events in her life, including the deaths of loved ones have had greater impact than any of the 'professional help'.

 

Alternatively, others have suggested you turn to your pastor for support. In my life I have encountered clergymen who are total a**holes. I have also encountered some who are sympathetic and empathetic and would take their knowledge of the emotional pain of one of their parishioners with them to the grave. Only you can tell which kind of person your own pastor is. But if yours is the second type, I think he would be another good person for you to turn to.

 

Good luck. I think it's clear that there are several people on LS who care about what you are going through. But none of us can be there for you the way someone you know personally and see every day can.

 

I'm sorry your wife isn't getting the proper help she needs through her psychotherapy but that doesn't mean that all professionals in that area of science are worthless or that all clergymen are a**holes. We don't want to discourage OP from anyone who may be able to help her. Those professionals have helped a lot of people. I agree with you that it's best for her to get "in person" support from her friends and family. I don't think this forum is helping her anymore but keeping her stuck.

[Madd_hatter]

So I woke up this morning feeling nothing for him at all. Like at all, at all. I felt that to be strange, so I figured I’d test myself by looking at a picture of him..nothing. I looked at his wedding pictures..nothing. I looked at old pictures from when we were kids..nothing again. It’s not there at all anymore. I feel totally normal. I feel fine. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I don’t feel hate or anger towards him, not love or hurt. I’m fine.

 

Can this really be?

[JuneL]

Heinous thing?? HUH??

 

Two consenting adults engaged in an adult act, sexual intercourse.

 

Part of being adult enough to engage in sexual intercourse is being adult enough to handle all of the consequences that go with that act. Possible pregnancy, possible STD & possible rejection, just to name a few.

 

Please see my post #451.

 

I agree wih some that we shouldn’t waste more time discussing this loser though.

[losangelena]

So I woke up this morning feeling nothing for him at all. Like at all, at all. I felt that to be strange, so I figured I’d test myself by looking at a picture of him..nothing. I looked at his wedding pictures..nothing. I looked at old pictures from when we were kids..nothing again. It’s not there at all anymore. I feel totally normal. I feel fine. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I don’t feel hate or anger towards him, not love or hurt. I’m fine.

 

Can this really be?

 

Mmm, probably not. Would be nice, wouldn't it?

 

In the last 24 hours you've gone from anger, to desperation, to panic, to nothing. This is all part of a continuum. Given your panic attack last night, I could see this as your brain's way of disassociating. It's probably premature to say this is all over. I suppose it's a nice thought, though.

[Beachead]

So I woke up this morning feeling nothing for him at all. Like at all, at all. I felt that to be strange, so I figured I’d test myself by looking at a picture of him..nothing. I looked at his wedding pictures..nothing. I looked at old pictures from when we were kids..nothing again. It’s not there at all anymore. I feel totally normal. I feel fine. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I don’t feel hate or anger towards him, not love or hurt. I’m fine.

 

Can this really be?

 

Your mind shut you off to protect you because you're overwhelmed. You're just numb is all. I told you..numbness, sadness, anger. You're going to be cycling through this for some time.

[preraph]

No, it can't be, and the reason I know that is you got up this morning and looked at a whole bunch of photos of him.

[No_Go]

Yup completely normal, it's a coping mechanism helping our bodies combat extreme stress.

 

Madd, I just wanted to say something I strongly disagree with most in this thread. I don't see anything of what's happening to you as abnormal, crazy, obsessive etc. I see a typical young red blooded woman capable of having strong emotions. Going through an ordeal like this sucks, but there are so many constructive things coming out of it:

1) you learned that you can survive through any situations - you're now much stronger than you've been before

2) you learned that you can experience strong love - emotional numbness is epidemic, you don't have it

3) you learned that pain is transient - you can power through it yourself and continue relatively unharmed

4) you learned that situations are not what they look like - you saw something seemingly catastrophic that haven't changed much

 

All I'm trying to say - think of this whole experience as a gift. You have learned from it more that what some learn in a lifetime of calm existence.

 

 

So I woke up this morning feeling nothing for him at all. Like at all, at all. I felt that to be strange, so I figured I’d test myself by looking at a picture of him..nothing. I looked at his wedding pictures..nothing. I looked at old pictures from when we were kids..nothing again. It’s not there at all anymore. I feel totally normal. I feel fine. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I don’t feel hate or anger towards him, not love or hurt. I’m fine.

 

Can this really be?

[lana-banana]

So I woke up this morning feeling nothing for him at all. Like at all, at all. I felt that to be strange, so I figured I’d test myself by looking at a picture of him..nothing. I looked at his wedding pictures..nothing. I looked at old pictures from when we were kids..nothing again. It’s not there at all anymore. I feel totally normal. I feel fine. I can’t believe I’m actually typing this. I don’t feel hate or anger towards him, not love or hurt. I’m fine.

 

Can this really be?

 

No, you're in shock. You felt similarly after the wedding, remember?

 

You do not magically get over someone you've obsessed over for 10 years within 24 hours. You will need to spend many months rewiring the synapses in your brain that immediately associate him with love and desire and all kinds of positive things. It's like weight training; you need to strengthen your mental processes, which have gotten twisted and atrophied around him. It will take a long time.

 

There will be good days and bad days. Eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad. That's how you heal. But it's a slow road.

Edited October 19, 2018 by lana-banana