Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[No_Go]

When you’re truly over someone, you’re indifferent to that person. You don’t laugh because he has had two failed marriages and is now single. You couldn’t care less whether he has remained single for the rest of his life or whether he has been married and divorced 5 times. His personal life becomes irrelevant to you.

 

I was laughing at my own cries not at his failed relationships.

 

But I don’t know under what circumstances the indifference happens. Never happens to me... at least for the important people, friends, exes, crushes, even coworkers etc, I am somewhat interested at how their lives has developed even if we lose contact. The fact that we’re not in relationship doesn’t mean they’re dead to me?? I still care and will do, for the good and the bad in the past.

 

OP is experiencing lots of emotions... I really think even the bad ones are far better than indifference. You don’t need to act on your emotions. It doesn’t make them less valid and strong.

[Timshel]

OP did act on her emotions. She had sex with her 'friend' a week or two before he was married. The ceremony of marriage she did attend. Then had pizza with her 'friend' and his wife.

 

 

 

OP, it isn't going to work to ask you how you would feel in his wife's shoes. You clearly do.not.care.

 

 

You are posting here and most posters are sharing what is best to move forward with your best interest in mind. That means not being a lifetime movie of the week.

 

 

See a therapist, you have lot's of good advice.

[Madd_hatter]

OP did act on her emotions. She had sex with her 'friend' a week or two before he was married. The ceremony of marriage she did attend. Then had pizza with her 'friend' and his wife.

 

 

 

OP, it isn't going to work to ask you how you would feel in his wife's shoes. You clearly do.not.care.

 

 

You are posting here and most posters are sharing what is best to move forward with your best interest in mind. That means not being a lifetime movie of the week.

 

 

See a therapist, you have lot's of good advice.

 

 

 

It was NOT a week or two before his wedding. It was months! As a matter of fact, it was before he even proposed to her. Please get your facts straight.

[starlight8]

It was NOT a week or two before his wedding. It was months! As a matter of fact, it was before he even proposed to her. Please get your facts straight.

 

Who cares, you still did it.

You've had tonnes of amazing replies on here, and tbh the retorts you come out with just make you seem like a spoilt brat not used to getting her own way.

I wouldn't even be surprised if this is the root cause of all these problems you're having: a spoilt girl not used to not getting what she wants.

 

Well, sooner or later you will have to get used to it.

Some of us have had to get used to it since we were little toddlers. Start getting used to the fact that you can't have what you want without going into a meltdown and maybe your life will start becoming easier.

PS/ the guy sounds like a complete and utter twat and the only person worth pitying here is the wife who has to put up with a lying, disgusting husband.

It makes me sick when people like you repeatedly put disgusting humans on pedestals just because of your blinkered views on them, an insatiable obsession.

 

He is a hypocrite. I can't stand religion anyway but religious people who lie and cheat grate on me even more. How he can live with himself is beyond me, I'd be stricken with guilt every night I lay next to my wife if I was him, I would probably have an anxiety attack if I tried to force myself to marry her knowing what I did.

Which begs the question whether people like him even have empathy.

 

No sympathy for this situation. Get a therapist and stop pulling a strop every time someone posts something that doesn't resonate with what you want to hear.

[Beachead]

Big set back again.

 

It’s been about 10 days that I haven’t seen him, not even in church. I haven’t attended any services. I saw him at the concert and after for pizza and that was the last time. I Haven’t spoken to him or even checked any social media accounts at all.

 

Why in the world have I been thinking of him non freaking stop?! I miss him like crazy and I swear I haven’t stopped thinking about him for one second. Feeling really lousy again. I’m back in the mood where I don’t want to do anything. I feel so sluggish and depressed. I literally don’t want to do anything.

 

I don’t want to be home but I don’t want to be out. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t feel like dealing with anyone. I just want him.

 

I honestly felt these feelings were gone. Oh my god I want to be with him tonight so so badly. I don’t believe anyone could really know how much I miss him.

 

Just avoid him and continue to read up on the past posts of this thread.

 

- Beach

[JuneL]

Since all of our suggestions fell on dead ears, how about you go begging him to leave your wife and take you? Perhaps if you do enough of that, they would make sure to stay away from you instead.

[Timshel]

It was NOT a week or two before his wedding. It was months! As a matter of fact, it was before he even proposed to her. Please get your facts straight.

 

 

There you are. 'It was months.'

 

 

 

Every person posting on your thread see's the train wreck.

 

 

Madd_hatter...bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love, this is your OP.

 

 

 

I need to get my facts straight because this will make a difference?

 

 

 

OP, if you continue, then you are a woman chasing a married man. Your words (a woman of God, a virgin (before you threw yourself at a not yet engaged man) are not aligning with your actions.

Edited November 4, 2018 by Timshel

[preraph]

Hi, I’m new here. Stumbled upon it looking for someone to talk to. I’ve tried talking to fiends about my situation but I feel like I need an unbiased opinion. It’s really hard for me to open up about it so I hope you’ll all bare with me. I met him when I was just 13. Right away I was crazy about him. We became friends but I never told him how I felt about him. I was (still am) extremely shy, especially around guys. We have now been friends for over 10 years and I have never cared for another man like I care for him.

 

I have dated other guys but no one has ever come close. However, we (he and I) have never dated. We had only kissed a few times just in the heat of the moment. But he’s always made it clear that he has no interest in a relationship with me. He’s been dating this girl for around 7 months now. And it broke my heart when he told me he’s going to propose.

 

I of course acted like I was thrilled for him, and I am happy he’s happy, but it hurts like hell. So a few nights ago, he comes to my place to pick up one of his boxes (he’s using my extra bedroom as storage. His place is really small), so he gets his stuff then asks if I can make him a drink. So I make us drinks. He tells me to sit next to him on the sofa. He has this look that I’ve never seen before in the 10 years I’ve know him. Next thing I know he’s got his hands all over me and he’s kissing my neck. I stopped him reminding him he has a soon to be fiancé but he said let’s nit think about her right now. So we ended up hooking up.

Afterwards he took his box and left. He said he’d call me the next day but that was on Thursday night and still no word whatsoever. I’ve texted him, called, tired his insta, nothing. He’s completely ignoring me and I don’t know why. I feel absolutely awful. I feel used. But I also miss him. Why would he do that to me? Where do we go from here? I know you guys don’t have any more information lol But I really need someone to talk to. Thanks

 

The original post. He had been dating her about 7 months according to you, and before you hooked up you knew he was going to propose to her. I wouldn't be splitting hairs.

[LoverOfDance]

@Starlight8 - I've been telling her the same from the beginning of this thread. The man is lower than dirt. My level of disappointment in him is just more than i can describe. He cheated on his wife and then married her without at least telling her the truth about what he'd done. Not to mention what he did to his friend, the Op, who is supposed to be his good friend ! He used her. He KNEW very well that the friendship would be done after he slept with her but he still did it anyway.

 

The fact that this man is a christian makes me so sad. It's like we Christians actually do the worst deeds yet we are supposed to know better, smh.

[Amethyst68]

You don't know that he didn't tell his wife, if they are both religious then she may have forgiven him. Oh he may not have told her the OP's name but you never know.

 

Even if they've spoken to their pastor, I don't know what branch of Christianity the OP practises but a lot of religious counseling is basically rugsweeping.

 

As for the OP, the longer this goes on the more entitled you are sounding. You were an adult who choose to have sex with a man you knew was in a relationship with someone else, someone who doesn't owe you anything. I don't mean to be harsh but you sound like a toddler who isn't getting to play with someone else's toy rather than a rational adult.

 

It's time to grow up, you're not going to die because this man loves someone else. Stop the overdramatic behaviour and start living your life.

 

I'd almost recommend stop coming here for a while because I think it's fueling your obsession.

[starlight8]

You don't know that he didn't tell his wife, if they are both religious then she may have forgiven him. Oh he may not have told her the OP's name but you never know.

 

Even if they've spoken to their pastor, I don't know what branch of Christianity the OP practises but a lot of religious counseling is basically rugsweeping.

 

As for the OP, the longer this goes on the more entitled you are sounding. You were an adult who choose to have sex with a man you knew was in a relationship with someone else, someone who doesn't owe you anything. I don't mean to be harsh but you sound like a toddler who isn't getting to play with someone else's toy rather than a rational adult.

 

It's time to grow up, you're not going to die because this man loves someone else. Stop the overdramatic behaviour and start living your life.

 

I'd almost recommend stop coming here for a while because I think it's fueling your obsession.

 

The point is, as far as the OP - and therefore us - know he hasn't told his wife. And the OP is still singing his praises.

Ergo, she fails to see that a man who according to her knowledge, is a cheater and a liar is NOT perfect.

 

And to some extent I understand. I think people raised spoilt suffer from never having learnt to deal with disappointments.

But...enough is enough. Time to grow up and address the issue.

[No_Go]

So before demonizing the guy, how about consider nuances - ‘wife’ is some lady that he met not even an year ago, according to OP’s post. This stinks to be church-arranged ‘marriage’ that the guy was likely forced into to maintain ‘status’ in their community after his long-term relationship (I think Madc mentioned gf of 5 years) turned futile.

 

I mean it’s easy to demonize him and say OP acts like a baby (very offensive IMO! Nothing she says suggests she’s immature, and even if she was it’s an uncalled judgement), but the circumstances are less than straightforward in the story, I apologize to believers but some massive religious sh*t seems to be causing many of the actions...

 

 

The point is, as far as the OP - and therefore us - know he hasn't told his wife. And the OP is still singing his praises.

Ergo, she fails to see that a man who according to her knowledge, is a cheater and a liar is NOT perfect.

 

And to some extent I understand. I think people raised spoilt suffer from never having learnt to deal with disappointments.

But...enough is enough. Time to grow up and address the issue.

[elaine567]

So before demonizing the guy, how about consider nuances - ‘wife’ is some lady that he met not even an year ago, according to OP’s post. This stinks to be church-arranged ‘marriage’ that the guy was likely forced into to maintain ‘status’ in their community after his long-term relationship (I think Madc mentioned gf of 5 years) turned futile.

 

I don't know if this is about religious pressure or not but it is fairly common for people who come out of long term relationships in their twenties/early thirties to suddenly marry the next person who comes along.

It is as if the music stops and they grab the first available chair to sit down on.

They decide to get married and once that decision is made, they just go ahead and get married, apparently almost regardless of who with. It is often a mutual urge, the timing just fits.

 

Maybe the guy here was not "just a cheater", maybe he was weighing up his options. Does he choose his long term "best mate" or his new gf to marry? He moves from platonic to sexual with Maddy, but the spark isn't quite there so he goes back to plan A and gets married to his gf...

[starlight8]

So before demonizing the guy, how about consider nuances - ‘wife’ is some lady that he met not even an year ago, according to OP’s post. This stinks to be church-arranged ‘marriage’ that the guy was likely forced into to maintain ‘status’ in their community after his long-term relationship (I think Madc mentioned gf of 5 years) turned futile.

 

I mean it’s easy to demonize him and say OP acts like a baby (very offensive IMO! Nothing she says suggests she’s immature, and even if she was it’s an uncalled judgement), but the circumstances are less than straightforward in the story, I apologize to believers but some massive religious sh*t seems to be causing many of the actions...

 

What is it with women and wanting to sit around and read into stuff - practically, how on earth does this help?

We can simplify things by looking at the actions and consequences and going from there or we can sit and act like we're armchair psychologists and throw out theories until the cows come here.

 

EVEN if your theory is correct, all that shows is he lacks a backbone and is a coward and is not using religion in the way it is supposed to be in which case: he's still a douche. And he STILL cheated with the OP.

And whether you think it is offensive or not, the OP's behaviour and words are childish.

Same as how the guy's behaviour is despicable.

 

You can dress it up and justify and dream up all kinds of hidden intentions and behaviour but you're only prolonging the OP's distress by doing this.

You sort of remind me of the girls in sex and the city who waste an awful lot of time discussing the nonsense behaviours of men to try to come up with ideas and motives that least offend the ego.

 

Not helpful at all.

[Amethyst68]

No_Go I'm sorry we'll have to disagree, the tone of MH's posts is emotionally immature.

 

I don't mean to be offensive, there is growth but then there is the overdramatic reactions of a teenager. MH you are an adult, it's time to start acting like one. If being around this man makes you feel like crap then you simply don't be around him.

 

As I've mentioned before tho, I think MH may h have an obsessive behavior and that is an issue that may need looking into but that's just the opinion of a stranger on the internet.

[Beachead]

There is more participation in this thread from posters than there is from the OP. OP knows what she should be doing. She simply comes on here to vent when it gets hard is all. There is no need for further discussion about her situation unless she asks a question or wishes to discuss.

[losangelena]

I can only speak from experience, but MH is decidedly obsessed. It sounds like she’s experiencing obtrusive thoughts, and when you reach that stage of obsession, it is not fun.

 

I understand where everyone is coming from on this board, and agree mostly, but do think y’all sound a bit harsh. And I get it, there is something young, or immature-sounding in OP’s tone, and my hunch is she’s in the situation she’s in partially due to emotional immaturity. But for those not experiencing it, it can seem frustrating/irritating, and it can alienate those who just want to say “get over it already.” There are some aspects, mentally, that I have a feeling she can’t control.

 

I still maintain, OP, that this obsession is merely symptomatic of a deeper psychological issue. You feel sluggish and depressed because, well, you sound depressed. I know that you feel you can just “get over this” easily or without help, but I would still urge you to seek out professional counseling. I was 24/25 when I went through my obsessed relationship, and the one thing I regret was not getting help then. I didn’t start going to therapy until my early 30s, and I sometimes look back and wonder how much more enriched my life would have been if I had seen someone sooner.

[LoverOfDance]

No_go - you really need to stop making up your own stories, lol.

 

According to what the Op has told us, they both decided to get married after a few months of dating. People do this. Some people marry after short periods of dating simply because they think they've found the one. As far as i'm concerned, the wife chose to marry her husband because she believes he is her ONE. The husband also chose his wife because he believes she is the right person for him. I will believe otherwise if the OP presents new facts that say otherwise.

[losangelena]

No_go - you really need to stop making up your own stories, lol.

 

According to what the Op has told us, they both decided to get married after a few months of dating. People do this. Some people marry after short periods of dating simply because they think they've found the one. As far as i'm concerned, the wife chose to marry her husband because she believes he is her ONE. The husband also chose his wife because he believes she is the right person for him. I will believe otherwise if the OP presents new facts that say otherwise.

 

A lot of young religious couples also get married quickly so they can have “legal” sex. When you’re young and horny, and it’s a sin to mate, you tend to say “I do” real quick.

 

Not that that stopped this man.

[JuneL]

So before demonizing the guy, how about consider nuances - ‘wife’ is some lady that he met not even an year ago, according to OP’s post. This stinks to be church-arranged ‘marriage’ that the guy was likely forced into to maintain ‘status’ in their community after his long-term relationship (I think Madc mentioned gf of 5 years) turned futile.

 

I mean it’s easy to demonize him and say OP acts like a baby (very offensive IMO! Nothing she says suggests she’s immature, and even if she was it’s an uncalled judgement), but the circumstances are less than straightforward in the story, I apologize to believers but some massive religious sh*t seems to be causing many of the actions...

 

There’re plenty of stories in which a man is never ready to get married to his long-term gf; but once they break up, he’s suddenly ready to marry the next girl he has met for a few months.

 

I’m not sure why you kept bringing up this church arranged marriage thing. Even if that was true, it doesn’t change the fact that the loser has never been interested in the OP romantically, ever. It also begs the question: Why didn’t the loser pick the OP as his bride to maintain his status? Are you implying that the OP doesn’t satisfy their church requirements as the loser’s wife? Wouldn’t that be an even bigger insult, considering she was raised in the same church?

[elaine567]

There is more participation in this thread from posters than there is from the OP.

 

Is that not par for the course on Loveshack?

The OP posts a story, a question, a comment on how they are feeling, an update, etc and members pile in with their own thoughts on the matter, that is how the forum generally works.

 

We cannot really comment on what or what is not helpful. The most crass, insensitive, "offensive" comment in a sea of platitudes and "There, there"s, may be indeed be the most helpful. Who really knows?

[starlight8]

No_go - you really need to stop making up your own stories, lol.

 

According to what the Op has told us, they both decided to get married after a few months of dating. People do this. Some people marry after short periods of dating simply because they think they've found the one. As far as i'm concerned, the wife chose to marry her husband because she believes he is her ONE. The husband also chose his wife because he believes she is the right person for him. I will believe otherwise if the OP presents new facts that say otherwise.

 

This thread is beginning to remind me of that movie '12 angry men'

[JuneL]

This point has been brought up earlier. Someone with this level of obsession on a guy who has never showed any romantic interest is likely due to the lack of close relationships or love in her life.

 

I can only speak from experience, but MH is decidedly obsessed. It sounds like she’s experiencing obtrusive thoughts, and when you reach that stage of obsession, it is not fun.

<SNIP>

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Blanco]

At the risk of speaking for other people here, I believe the "spoiled" comments stem from OP mentioning that growing up, she pretty much never wanted for anything and said she doesn't really recall being told "No" if she wanted something. That sort of upbringing likely helped instill this mindset that if she wants something, she is, in some way, entitled to it.

[Happy Lemming]

To Madd_Hatter...

 

What are you trying to accomplish with this thread??

 

Advice?? Similar stories of heartbreak and how each poster got over it?? Reasons as to how you got to this point in your life?? venting about the guy you lost your virginity to??

 

Maybe the LS posters can help more if we know what you are looking for...